I ate breakfast and of course the pudding I had bought.
When I was about to go back to my room, Sendai-san followed me.
There is nothing special I want to do during the holidays, nor is there anything I have to do. Maika has a part-time job and Asakura-san also has a part-time job.
I didnât make plans with the two busy people, so it doesnât bother me when Sendai-san comes to my room. However, I am concerned because she doesnât look very nice as she follows me around.
ãDonât you want to go to your room?ã
I open the door to my room and turn around.
ãIâm not going, but do you want me to go, Miyagi?ã
ãâ¦Not that Iâm saying that.ã
ãWell, then, Iâll come inside.ã
Sendai-san pushes me back, saying itâs like her room.
ãThatâs my line.ã
With that said, I went inside and Sendai-san followed me and closed the door. I sat down on the bed with my back against it, and Sendai-san sat down next to me as a matter of course.
Sitting side by side is something weâve always done, and itâs not something I care about. But it bothers me. I think it is because the space between me and Sendai-san is larger than usual.
The distance is about two crocodile tissue covers.
Farther than usual.
Sendai-san never looks at me.
She never brings books from the bookshelf.
She stares at the screen of the phone she brought with her.
Sheâs not in a very good mood today.
Itâs been that way since she was eating breakfast.
Eating pudding didnât fix her mood.
I think it was probably caused by the fact that I went outside in the morning without saying anything, but I donât think it was very mature of me.
There is no rule in this house that says I canât go out alone in the morning.
Sendai-san was sleeping, and I didnât bother to wake her up.
So it was not my fault.
ââI am just a little bit sorry, though.
I place a crocodile in the available space to fill the gap.
But everything is not filled.
Iâm left with one crocodile farther away than usual.
Popping the crocodileâs head, I call out to Sendai-san, who keeps her eyes down on her phone.
ãWhat are you looking at?ã
ãNothing in particular.ã
Sendai-san says in a flat voice and puts the phone on the table.
ãIf you havenât seen anything, why donât you read a manga?ã
ãI donât have any manga I want to read.ã
ãWhat about games?ã
ãIâm not going to play one.ã
With an unfriendly voice, Sendai-san shakes the crocodileâs hand.
She is rare like this, I think.
Unlike when she was a high school student, Sendai-san is less likely to be in an overtly bad mood after becoming a university student.
ãâ¦Then why are you here?ã
When I stared at Sendai-san, who didnât look at me, she held the crocodile and spoke to it.
ãIâm just here to make sure Miyagi doesnât go anywhere.ã
ãI have no place to go, Iâm not going anywhere.ã
ãYou left people behind and went for a walk in the morning.ã
I hear a resentful voice.
ãâ¦I feel bad about that, but you were sleeping, Sendai-san.ã
After telling the truth, though it was an excuse, I added, âSorry,â and Sendai-san, who had been talking to the crocodile, looked at me.
ãThat, you should wake me up and ask me out. I mean, if youâre going out, say something. Iâm worried about you.ã
ãI was just there to pass the time and would be back soon. I donât think itâs anything to worry about.ã
ãI was worried. ââMiyagi, you have a record of disappearing.ã
ãâ¦ã
I immediately know what Sendai-sanâs words are referring to.
Last year, I went to Maikaâs house without saying anything to Sendai-san and did not return.
I feel bad about staying at Maikaâs home until Sendai-san came to pick me up, but I donât want to talk about it now. So I canât say anything.
As a result, the air in this room is subtle.
And I am not good at changing this kind of air.
I would like to leave this room if I could, but I have nowhere to go if I escape from my room. One option is to go to the common space, but there is no point in running away to such a place, because Sendai-san would come to take me back immediately.
ãMiyagi, say something.ã
ãâ¦Something.ã
As I replied in a blur, the crocodile flew toward me, hit me on the arm, and fell to the floor.
ãThatâs not what I meant when I said you should say something.ã
Sendai-san exhaled loudly. Then he continued, âAnyway.â
ãIf you want to go for a walk tomorrow, Iâll go with you. Wake me if Iâm asleep. Promise me.ã
ãAlright⦠But Iâm not going back.ã
I shouldnât do anything Iâm not used to doing.
If this is going to happen, I might as well stay the same as I did last year.
Even if I have a part-time job, I should have at least a little time, so I can invite Maika. If she doesnât have time, then it should be okay for me to go to her part-time job.
ãMiyagiâs stingy.ã
ãIâm not stingy.ã
ãYouâre being stingy!ã
Sendai-san blurted out and held the crocodile that had fallen to the floor again.
It really is rare to see Sendai-san today.
She usually does not do this kind of thing.
Maybe thatâs why, but today she is more cute than beautiful.
More than usual.
She looks kind of cute.
Cut and skirt for room wear.
I am out of my mind that Sendai-san, who is just wearing something familiar and not special, looks prettier than usual, even if for good reason.
ãâ¦What about studying? Donât you have to prep for your part-time job or something?ã
I feel that if the conversation is interrupted, I will be even more out of my mind, and I will ask questions that I donât really want to ask.
ãThereâs plenty of time for that.ã
ãItâs not time for that yet?ã
I remove my gaze from Sendai-san and look at the floor.
ãTime to be in Miyagiâs room now.ã
ãIs that so.ã
I reply in a small voice, and she took my hand.
I looked at Sendai-san, who had just taken her gaze away from me because of the connected hand, and saw that the crocodile she was holding was gone before I knew it. Instead, Sendai-san is closer than before.
I looked down at her warm hands and saw her nails, painted in a color I had chosen long before Golden Week.
ãâ¦It suits you.ã
I tell her the words I had never told her since the first time nail polish was used.
ãWhat is?ã
ãNails.ã
ãThanks. Do you want me to paint it for you, Miyagi?ã
ãIâll keep it that way.ã
ãI see.ã
I hear a slightly disappointed voice, and our joined hands are clasped tightly.
Last year, Sendai-san, who was sitting next to me like this, held my hand.
But that was Sendai-sanâs room, not mine, so it was the same as last year, but different. Besides, last year I didnât take a walk in the morning and Sendai-san didnât have nails of the color I chose.
It is easy to forget when we repeat similar days, but last year and this year will never be the same.
Yesterday and today are different, today and tomorrow are different.
In this way, every day is somehow different, and last year and this year will be different. Next year will be different from this year.
I tug on the connected hand.
I look at her fingernails, the color I chose.
ãMiyagi?ã
Sendai-san calls me.
So I touch her lips with my own.
Just a little.
Attach them, and then move away.
ãâ¦Are you in a bad mood?ã
Sendai-san asks in a voice that sounds unsure.
ãItâs not like that.ã
ãThen, what do you mean by that?ã
ãI donât know.ã
I donât think it would be hard if I could figure out why this is happening.
The feelings toward Sendai-san are always too complicated.
It is so difficult that it seems futile to try to understand. Still, the relationship of being roommates is not a waste of time, and I wish Sendai-san was next to me all the time more.
Every day will never be exactly the same, but I canât help but think so.
ãYou know, Miyagi, I really donât get you.ã
Sendai-san said dismissively, patting my earring and tugging on my ear.
ãItâs fine if you donât understand me.ã
It doesnât have to be difficult.
We are good enough not to know.
I touched Sendai-sanâs lips again with my own.