There were more pen cases than I expected.
But since I have a fixed budget, I inevitably narrowed down my choices. So I decided on a pen case to present as soon as I got to the grocery store, but I donât talk about it.
ãWhich one do you think is better?ã
Iâll ask them both for their opinions, because I donât want to waste time if I serve my purpose too quickly.
ãI donât know anything about the girl you taught, Sendai-san.ã
Utsunomiya says in a serious voice.
ãI donât mind what you two prefer. How about you, Miyagi?ã
I know she wonât answer me. Still, I would like a chance to talk with Miyagi, who is not talking to me at all today.
ãâ¦Maika will answer for you today for picking out clothes for me.ã
I hear Miyagiâs voice coming from next to Utsunomiya, not next to me.
ãEh, you were asked about it, Shiori.ã
ãWhatever, just say it.ã
ãEh, Iâm telling youââã
Utsunomiya stared at the pen case between Miyagi and me. Then, after thinking for a moment, she pointed to a cute flower-patterned pen case.
ãI guess this one. What about you, Shiori?ã
ãHere.ã
Miyagi, who did not answer my question, easily chooses a pen case with a penguin parent and child on it.
I know that for Miyagi, I am someone she can be wicked with, and Utsunomiya is someone she is not. So, if Utsunomiya asked me about it, I would have no choice but to answer, but I am not baffled.
That said, I couldnât complain to Miyagi, so I smiled and said,ãTheyâre both cute,ãand picked up the floral and penguin pen cases.
Both are like two people and I donât dislike them.
The penguin pen case in particular is so Miyagi-like that I want to buy it and take it home to display it with Pen-chan. But penguins are not KikyÅ-chanâs image, and the floral pattern seems too cute.
ãYouâve already decided, havenât you?ã
I hear Miyagiâs voice.
I had a general idea of what I wanted before I came here, and I had done some research on the Internet. I donât think Miyagi knows about such things, but she is uselessly perceptive at times like this.
ãSince there are other people over here, I want to hear your opinions, canât I?ã
I smile and put both pen cases back where they belong.
ãI donât want that kind of thing. Which one did you choose?ã
ãIâm thinking about having this.ã
I pick up a canvas pen case.
Slightly larger than the ones around it, it is similar in size to KikyÅ-chanâs usual pen case, with a more subdued design than the one she usually uses. The price is just right, not too expensive, not too cheap.
ãIs that what you think of your tutoring student?ã
Utsunomiyaâs bright voice rings out, but Miyagiâs voice is not heard as she asks which one she chose. Only her gaze is directed toward the pen case. If possible, I would rather have her look at me than at the pen case, but I canât say that here, and Iâm going to say the answer to what you asked.
ãNhnâ, sheâs a little more energetic, I guess.ã
ãIs that so?ã
ãIâll get this one, so wait here.ã
I grab my pen case and head for the cash register.
Miyagiâs mood does not improve.
I donât know how to make it better, so I have to leave it to Utsunomiya.
Get in line in front of the cash register, pay, and have it wrapped.
Take a little detour and walk slowly.
Even if Miyagi, whom I made incredibly pretty today, doesnât see me, I still want to see her. I want to look at her next to me, not across from Utsunomiya, but I cannot exclude her because without Utsunomiya I could not have created the lovely Miyagi of today.
Still.
I still want to go next to Miyagi.
Itâs not that I donât feel guilty about it, but it doesnât stop me from wanting to see Miyagi as close as possible.
ãâ¦I came back.ã
I exhale, and smile back to where I was.
ãHere you go. I found some cute tissue covers over there. You want to take a look?ã
ãLet me take a look. We need to pick a new friend for the crocodile in Shioriâs room.ã
ãI donât need that many tissue covers.ã
ãMaybe choosing a new resident for Utsunomiyaâs room isnât such a bad idea.ã
We look at the tissue covers, check out the accessories, look at the dinnerware. Miyagi moves closer to the polar bear coasters, and even though they are just far away, they go even farther. Wanting to get closer to her, I asked,ãDo you want that?ãI tried to ask her, but Utsunomiya pulled my arm.
ãSendai-san.ã
ãWhat is it?ã
ãDid you have another fight with Shiori?ã
She asks in a quiet voice that Miyagi cannot hear.
ãEh, why?ã
ãShiori is strange today. She is very excited, but she doesnât talk much with you, Sendai-san. Isnât there something wrong with her sense of distance?ã
Right?
I think so.
Miyagi may be trying not to be unnatural, but itâs not natural for her not to speak unless I speak to her, nor is it natural for her to walk so that sheâs never next to me.
ãâ¦I knew youâd figure it out.ã
We are not fighting, but itâs better not to deny it now. It would be troublesome to try to clear up the misunderstanding badly.
ãShiori, sheâs still a little distant.ã
ãWell, sheâs kind of far.ã
ãIâll tell her to make up soon.ã
ãThank you.ã
When I thank her for keeping a misunderstanding a misunderstanding, she smiles back.
ãNo, thank you too. Iâm glad you came by today so I could buy some nice clothes, and Iâm glad you picked them out for me, Sendai-san.ã
ãGlad I could be of service.ã
ãI might ask for it again.ã
ãWhat are you asking her to do?ã
Miyagi, who had been a short distance away, popped up and looked at Utsunomiya.
ãChoosing a dress.ã
ãHmmmâ¦ã
With a curt reply, Miyagi picks up an enameled mug and looks at it. Classical, with no logo or illustration, it looks like something she would not normally choose.
ãI like to pick out clothes and stuff, so you can tell me anytime.ã
I call out to Utsunomiya, not to Miyagi, who doesnât see me.
ãYou really like to pick out peopleâs clothes, donât you, Sendai-san?ã
ãWell, sort of.ã
I like to look at clothes and choose.
I used to choose mostly for myself, and I never thought I particularly liked choosing for someone else, but now itâs different. I like to choose for Miyagi, and this has helped me to see that choosing for someone outside of Miyagi can be fun, too.
Of course, the place I most want to choose is Miyagi, and that number one will never change.
ãThis is why youâre picking out Shioriâs clothes.ã
ãShe doesnât let me choose very often, though.ã
ãIf it were me, Iâd have it picked all over the place.ã
Utsunomiya said sincerely, and Miyagi put down her mug and looked at me.
ãâ¦What about teaching to study?ã
Miyagiâs slurred voice can be heard.
ãI think Iâm rather suited for it.ã
ãDo you like it?ã
ãI think I like it a lot.ã
ãHeh. You know what you like, donât you?ã
When she said this, Miyagi falls silent.
Her gaze turns from me to the red mug and pours out.
I would like her to look at me if she is going to look at me, but this wish doesnât reach Miyagi.
ãShiori, are you buying that mug?ã
ãIâm not buying it. Besides, Iâm more hungry.ã
I asked them both, following Miyagiâs words with my own to avoid an unnatural pause.
ãWell, letâs eat something. What do you want to eat?ã
ãIâm fine with anything. What about you, Shiori?ã
ãI want to eat hamburger.ã
ãShiori, you eat a lot of hamburgers.ã
Utsunomiya giggles.
ãIâm fine with anything, too. Letâs go to a place that serves good hamburgers, per Miyagiâs request.ã
After checking the nearby stores on our phones, we leave the grocery store. Our destination was an old-fashioned Western-style store, and as we entered, we could smell the delicious smells, and our stomachs, which were not so empty, rumbled a little.
I finish my order, remembering how I made the hamburger for Miyagi, and just as my empty stomach is about to growl again, the gravy-filled hamburger arrives. The three of us ate beautifully, saying it was delicious, and parted ways with Utsunomiya.
I smile and wave and get on the train with Miyagi, who is finally back next to me. I think itâs time for her to talk, but when I talk to her, Miyagi only gives me an unenthusiastic response.
The train continues to sway, but the conversation doesnât continue.
Just when I had given up trying to have a conversation with Miyagi, I hear an overtly grumpy voice coming from next door.
ãâ¦You were talking to Maika about something.ã
She was happy to talk to me, but she doesnât intend to tell me anything too interesting.
ãWhat is it?ã
ãI donât know anything about that.ã
ãWhere are you referring to?ã
Miyagi does not answer.
She shuts her mouth like a shellfish again.
The ensuing silence brings with it a heavy air, suffocating.
The train stops at the usual station, and we both get off and walk down the street leading to our house. The sidewalk, lit by streetlights, looks darker than usual. Then, Miyai said it in a small voice in the dreary, hazy air of the time.
ãâ¦After choosing a pen case.ã
I wonder if itâs cold, but Miyagi squeezes her blue scarf and takes a step forward as if to run away from me.
ãEh?ã
ãMy answer from earlier.ã
The answer to the question I had asked on the train is thrown at me abruptly, and I open my mouth in a hurry.
ãIf thatâs the case, she just said thanks for picking out her clothes.ã
Iâm not lying, but I donât think thatâs what Miyagi wants to hear. The answer she is looking for is probably,ãDid you have a fight with Shiori?ãbut thatâs something she doesnât need to bother to say.
ãThatâs not something you two talk about in private.ã
ãWeâre not talking in private. You just stayed away from us, Miyagi.ã
ãâ¦You two were sneaking around.ã
ãIâm telling you, weâre not.ã
I said softly and went next to Miyagi, who was walking one step ahead of me, and I heard the ringtone of her phone in her bag. But Miyagi kept walking without taking out her phone.
ãI heard your phone ringing.ã
At the sound of my voice, Miyagi wrinkled her brow. Then, as if she had no choice, she took out her phone and looked at the screen, and the crease between her eyebrows deepened even more.
ãSendai-san.ã
Finally Miyagi calls my name, but itâs not a very nice voice. Her voice sounds like it has several spines coming out of it, and the nape of my neck, exposed by my ponytail, gets cold.
ãâ¦What did you say to Maika?ã
ãWas it from Utsunomiya just now?ã
ãYou wonât ask questions and I wonât answer them.ã
ãI didnât say anything. So, what did Utsunomiya say?ã
ãShe told me to apologize to you, Sendai-san⦠Sendai-san, you said something weird to Maika, didnât you?ã
Utsunomiya is such a good person that it makes my temples ache.
Iâll tell her to make up soon.
I didnât think she would make those words a reality so quickly. Itâs too soon and the timing is not good. I am happy but Miyagiâs mood is getting worse.
ãDid I have a fight with you, Miyagi? She just asked me that.ã
I tell her the truth because she will probably be in an even worse mood if I donât tell her.
ãWhy are you acting like itâs my fault. I didnât fight with you, so tell her I didnât do it properly.ã
ãI could have told her, but she said she thought we had a fight because you, you were acting weird, so I told her we didnât have a fight, and I think Miyagi would have been asked why you were acting weird, is that okay?ã
ãâ¦I wasnât that weird.ã
I hear a voice that sounds like itâs about to disappear.
ãYou were weird. You wouldnât speak unless she spoke to you, and you wouldnât even call me by my name.ã
I donât mean to blame her, but I let out a small breath because of the accusatory tone of my voice.
I donât want to end what should have been a fun day like this.
I let out another small breath, and Miyagi increased her walking speed. It was so fast that she left me behind, and I involuntarily grabbed Miyagiâs arm.
ãWhere are you going?ã
I canât wait to go home and stare at the Miyagi I made to the point of boredom and kiss it more times than I can count, but I donât want to be left behind in this place.
I want the two of us to go home together.
ãHome.ã
ãI know that. The house doesnât run away, so walk a little slower.ã
Miyagi doesnât say anything, nor does she slow down her walking speed.
I tug on her arm.
ãLetâs hold hands.ã
She is wearing the scarf today, but no gloves.
If I hold her hand, I can feel her body heat.
ãI donât want to.ã
She answered immediately, and I put strength into the hand that gripped her arm.
ãThen walk slowly.ã
ãIf you let go of my hand, Iâll walk slowly.ã
ãIf you walk slowly first, Iâll let you go, Miyagi.ã
After saying this, Miyagi slowed down her walking speed.