ãI can wear a hickey.ã
Miyagi says simply and takes off her blazer.
Then the sleeves of her blouse were rolled up and her arms were held out.
Wrong.
Itâs not like this.
I didnât want her to resist, but I didnât want her to say okay unhesitatingly. I wanted to drag Miyagi down to the same place as I was, but if she was not going to come down there herself.
This makes me feel like Iâm following Miyagi, and that makes me cringe.
Besides, Miyagi should be as confused and angry as I am. Miyagi should not have told me that it was okay to wear a hickey.
ãStill good.ã
I lower Miyagiâs rolled up sleeves.
Wearing a hickey in the first place is an unnecessary act between us.
It doesnât matter anymore.
I decided to think so and took a slow breath to calm myself down. But before I could exhale, Miyagi said to me, sheâs not going to do it.
ãDid Sendai-san told me to give my own arm?ã
ãBecause, this is not the kind of thing you do to a friend.ã
Regardless of the purpose, Miyagi is a friend because I visit her home after school and spends time with her. Although I feel that Miyagi is a little different from a typical friend, I think that in the larger scheme of things, she is within the scope of a friend.
But denied my words.
ãââMe and Sendai-san are not friends.ã
So.
I finally understand what Miyagi has been doing so far.
Because we are not friends, she gave me a subtle look at my friendâs chocolate and told me not to cook dinner.
It was not a friend to give unusual orders.
But, then.
What kind of relationship do we have?
At least, I consider Miyagi as a friend.
We donât see each other on days when there is no school, and we only keep our contact to the bare minimum. But if I drop by after school and talk about trivial things, we are friends.
But for Miyagi, itâs different.
ãIf we are not friends, what are we?ã
I say the question honestly.
ãWhat do you mean, how should I know?ã
She said angrily, and Miyagi rolled up her sleeves once more.
ãHere.ã
With a short, light voice, an arm is held out to me.
To put it bluntly, it is not very pleasant feeling to have someone you thought was a friend to deny it. But when I think about it, I donât think Miyagi and I have that kind of relationship that would warrant the term âfriend.â
Itâs just the way things are.
I was just interested in Miyagi and wanted to know what kind of orders she would give. If I had a bad day, I could just return the 5,000 yen and be done with it. With this in mind, I started going to her room.
Without the 5,000 yen, there was only a flimsy connection that would have been severed.
Still, unlike Miyagi the day she poured cider on me, she didnât seem to be trying to put me off today, so I carefully chose words that would definitely describe our relationship.
ãIâm not Miyagiâs lover.ã
ãDoes that mean I canât wear a hickey if Iâm not your lover?ã
ãIsnât that the general rule?ã
ãSuddenly youâre talking like a neat and tidy person. You look like playing around.ã
ãIâm ânotâ like that. Iâm innocent. And Iâve been telling you for a while now that Iâm not playing around.ã
I know Miyagi is saying this on purpose.
But I will firmly correct the dishonorable remarks she often makes about me.
ãIf Sendai-san says so, Iâll assume thatâs the case⦠You know, there are people who do this kind of thing even if they are not your friends or lovers.ã
ãIâm sure there are some, but not for me.ã
ãItâs already too late to say that when Iâm already on your trail, not your lover.ã
I see.
You have a point.
ââNo, no, itâs not, itâs not.
Itâs wrong to throw into the category of people who do those things even if you are not my lover because I was followed by someone who is not my lover.
Besides, if someone tells me to wear a hickey from Miyagi, I donât want to wear it. I was the one who tried to put a mark on Miyagiâs arm, but when she came at me like that, I wanted to run away.
ãThen, I order you.ã
I refurse to move, and Miyagi utters words that I cannot resist.
ãDo the same thing I did.ã
Her voice sounded like she wanted proof that we were not friends.
Iâm sure it is like a treadmill.
This makes it clear that Miyagi and I are not friends.
The order is now for me to do such an act.
ãUnderstood.ã
I understood the order, but I was not convinced.
But I grabbed her arm. Then I opened my lips thinly and pressed them to the same spot where Miyagi had made her mark.
I suck in the skin of her arm as if to breathe, and chug, a small sound echoes in my head.
When I touch the skin with the tip of my tongue, I donât taste it.
It doesnât even feel like chewing.
Itâs just sucking on it, like drinking juice from a paper carton through a straw.
The skin on my lips is a little cold and soft.
Not bsd to the touch.
I press my lips a little harder and inhale at once.
I looked up as Miyagiâs hand gripped my shoulder as she pressed her teeth against too, like she was biting my arm.
ãYouâre redder than I thought.ã
At the sound of Miyagiâs voice, I drop my gaze to her arm.
There was a red mark on it, like a flower petal.
ãWhat are you going to do with it?ã
I press my fingertips on the marks I have made.
ãDonât do anything. Leave it alone. It will disappear soon. Sendai-san, tell them that your boyfriend followed you.ã
ãI donât have a boyfriend, and I wonât say anything because it would be misleading.ã
There will be no PE class tomorrow.
She never changes her clothes, no one should be able to point out the marks on her place.
I have PE in a few days, but, well, Iâd like to think the mark will have faded.
ãYou know, Miyagi. Arenât you acting a little strange today?ã
I press my hickey on my blouse.
Playing a game Iâve never played before with so many mouths to feed.
She even did acts that would leave orders behind.
ãI donât think itâll be any different than usual.ã
ãItâs weird.ã
ãIf you say so. Sendai-san is strange too. Youâve never asked me to do anything like an order before.ã
ãYes, but.ã
.
ãI donât care. Can I unbutton this button?ã
Without warning, Miyagi touches my blouse, picks up the third button below the top two undone buttons, and pulls it off.
I have no good memories of that button.
The day I was doused with cider flashed through my mind and brow wrinkled.
ãI said no. What are you going to do?ã
ãIâm gonna put one here.ã
As she said this, Miyagi removed her hand from the button and and poked it quite a bit below the collarbone.
ãI told you Iâd beat you up if you made a mark like that, didnât I?ã
ãBecause Sendai-san didnât mind wearing a hickey. Besides, Sendai-san only takes off one button at school, thatâs why they canât see it around here.ã
I think youâre looking at it very carefully.
Indeed, Miyagi was right: at school, I only unbutton one button on my blouse, and I donât loosen my tie that much.
Although, she does not abide the school rules, she keeps her ties tight enough not to attract the attention of teachers, so she should not be seen by anyone except when changing clothes around the area where Miyagi poked around.
But that doesnât mean I can wear a hickey.
ãThatâs not the point.ã
ãItâs fine.ã
Without telling me it was an order, Miyagi takes off my tie and unbuttons the third button as well.
Without refusing, she opens my chest and brings her face close to mine.
Her breath on my neck, tickling me.
Heat that is not her own approaches the area she pinched.
Her hair touches my skin, and itâs somehow raw.
Consciousness gathered on the surface of my skin and I pushed Miyagiâs shoulder.
ãStop.ã
ãBoring.ã
Miyagi, who had left me so easily, says in a flat voice.
Then, she pinched the part where she was about to put her lips on me from my blouse and pinched it with a fair amount of force.
ãOuchâã
I yell out and grabs Miyagiâs arms, but her hands doesnât let go.
ãIf itâs a mark, itâll stick this way too.ã
Saying this, Miyagi put strength into her pinched hands.
She pinched me so hard that I wanted to believe her when she said she was going tear off the meat, and I forcefully stripped off her hand.
ãIt hurts.ã
ãIâm just kidding.ã
ãIâm not stupid. Thatâs no joke.ã
ãYou wouldnât leave a mark like that, would you?ã
Thatâs not what I mean.
It simply hurts.
It hurt so much that I didnât want to make a joke out of it.
Besides, itâs not normal to think of pinching something and leaving a mark.
I think thereâs no screw in Miyagiâs head that holds common sense in place.
But even if I told Miyagi that what she was doing now was wrong, there was no way I could get the message across to Miyagi, who seemed to have dropped common sense somewhere along the way.
I gave a small sigh, and Miyagi said in a clerical tone like a teacher giving homework.
ãDo you want to stay for dinner.ã
ãIâll eat.ã
Iâm just going to go home and finish my meal alone anyway.
If thatâs the case, Iâd rather eat with someone else.
I fasten the button that Miyagi has removed.
ãWhatever works right?ã
When asked and answered,ãSure.ãMiyagi gets up and leaves the room as if the previous act and conversation did not exist.
I put on my blazer and look at my arms.
Of course, I canât see any marks made by Miyagi.
ãI knew I should have said no.ã
I mutter to myself and leave the room.
Maybe Miyagi needs me.
I need this place, too.
At any rate, there is no doubt that we need each other, but I donât want this kind of thing to continue.
This relationship is limited and should end together by the end of our highschool years. Considering that we will live a long time in the future, I would say that this relationship is ephemeral. And yet, any act that leaves a mark on the body seems like an act that will make the two of us forever and it makes my stomach heavy.
How long will these marks remain?
I held my arm as I walked to the living room.