ãWhere are we going?ã
Sendai-san says, placing her chopsticks on a tortoiseshell cat chopstick rest.
I bite into a piece of toast with butter and jam for breakfast, cursing myself from a few days ago. Then, after chewing and swallowing it slowly, I asked without looking at Sendai-san.
ãWhere, you mean?ã
ãWe are going out today, right?ã
A bouncy voice returns questions to questions, but I canât answer back.
I was out of my mind the other day.
Iâm not the kind of person who would turn to Sendai-san and say, âI want to go somewhere with youâ on Sunday. Itâs just that being home alone all the time has made some part of me go crazy and Iâve said some crazy things. If I could, I would swallow the words of that day like toast and pretend they never happened, but I canât swallow the words out of my mouth and they wonât disappear into my stomach.
ãIs there anywhere you want to go, Miyagi?ã
Sendai-san will not allow us to just sit back and let it slide.
ãâ¦None.ã
I had no choice but to answer shortly and bite into a piece of toast.
If it was Maika, I could name a number of places I would like to go. But with Sendai-san as my partner, I canât think of any places I want to go.
ãDoes that mean I get to decide?ã
I looked at Sendai-sanâs face, who was not angry with me for simpering, and she smiled across the table at me as she ate half a slice of toast with butter and jam and half a salad.
ãWherever you want to go is fine, Sendai-san.ã
I throw her the whole schedule for the day.
ãLetâs see. What about the zoo or the aquarium?ã
ãWhy would you want to go to a place like that?ã
ãIf weâre going out in the morning, wouldnât it be nice to be somewhere reasonable? Also, you promised youâd go with me.ã
ãI didnât say Iâd go in the morning, and I donât want to go today.ã
ãThen we donât have to go to the zoo and aquarium. Can we go out at noon?ã
ãâ¦I guess, weâre not going anywhere.ã
I pull back the right to make the schedule I would have given her and tell her what I want to do.
It doesnât matter if itâs morning or afternoon. I donât have a part-time job to monopolize my property, and I wonât be alone here today. So I think I should just stay home.
If I stay here, I can touch my property when I want to.
Besides, as I said myself, I canât think of a substitute for a zoo or an aquarium, nor can I think of a place that Sendai-san would want to visit.
ãMiyagi, you said weâre going away on my decision, so I should take responsibility.ã
Sendai-san rejects my suggestion and drinks orange juice.
ãThere is no place I want to go.ã
ãThen letâs go out for something to eat. We havenât had a good meal together lately.ã
Apparently, ânot going outâ is not an option for her. Since sheâs not only goes to college but also works part-time, she tries to go outside on her days off when she should be relaxing at home.
She never mentioned where she was going on Sundays until today, but she never gave up on going out. So I give up and ask,ãWhat is it?ã
ãHamburger?ã
Sendai-san says vaguely and bites a piece of toast.
ãSendai-san, do you want to eat it?ã
ãI thought you might like to try it, Miyagi.ã
ãWhat would you like to eat, Sendai-san?ã
She doesnât tell you what she wants to eat in these situations.
She puts herself on the back burner and puts me first.
I donât dislike her like that, but I wish she would answer what she likes just sometimes. But Sendai-san always doesnât tell me what she likes.
ãNhn, pudding, or cheesecake, I guess?ã
ãIs that what you really want to eat, Sendai-san?ã
I remember her saying she liked cheesecake, but she doesnât seem to want it now.
ãMiyagi, you like it, donât you?ã
The answer is exactly what I thought it would be.
She doesnât speak the words that are in her heart. Even if I ask her, she wonât say the real words, so I canât learn more about Sendai-san than I already know.
All that is input into my mind is the feel of Sendai-sanâs lips, the softness of her chest, and other things that I can tell if I touch her.
ãYou donât have to make it something I want to eat.ã
I bite into a big mouthful of toast.
I threw the remaining pieces into my mouth, too, and let the taste drop into my stomach, a taste I wouldnât have known if Sendai-san hadnât been there.
ãItâs you who invited me to go somewhere on Sunday, so I think Iâd like something you want to eat, Miyagi.ã
The not-so-interesting answer flies out and I shove the salad into my mouth. Chewing the lettuce, I search for the right answer for what we both eat.
Cakes and parfaits fly around in my head and pancakes go round and round.
But none of them ring a bell.
I take another bite of my salad and then tell you the last thing that comes to mind.
ãâ¦French toast.ã
It is not something I dislike, as Sendai-san went out of her way to buy the ingredients to make it in the past.
ãWell, I guess Iâll just have to settle for French toast. And while youâre at it, come with me to get a new manicure.ã
ãEh?ã
ãYouâre not busy anyway. Besides, Miyagi, you said, âWherever you want to go is fine.âã
ãThatâs true, butâ¦ã
ãThen at least go shopping with me.ã
Sendai-san smiles at me, having decided my schedule on her own.
ãItâs not fair to put it out there after the fact.ã
ãIf I told you first, you wouldnât leave the house, Miyagi.ã
There is no mistaking her words.
But if I say,ãAbsolutely not,ãSendai-san complies. She pretends that she didnât have plans that were about to be made and spends time with me in this house. I know she is like that, but it is hard to say today.
ãâ¦Weâll be back as soon as we get our manicure.ã
Iâm the one who invited her.
Itâs not mature to complain about an incidental shopping trip.
ãThatâs fine.ã
Sendai-san chuckles.
She is in a good mood today.
Itâs not often that Sendai-san is in a bad mood, but today she is in such a good mood that it makes me feel bad.
I empty my plate of salad and pour the orange liquid into my stomach. I put my glass on the table and looked across to see Sendai-san emptying his plate as well.
ãMiyagi.ã
I hear a brighter voice than before, and I have a bad feeling about it. Itâs still before we go out, and I donât think anything that would make her mood even better would be bad for me.
ãIâll go to Miyagiâs room when Iâm done cleaning this up.ã
ãâ¦Why?ã
I can predict what is about to happen, but Iâm going to ask just in case.
ãTo pick out clothes and do makeup on you, Miyagiã
ãI donât want to.ã
ãItâs alright.ã
ãItâs not alright. Weâre just going to eat dinner and do a little shopping, nothing too much.ã
Whenever there is something wrong with Sendai-san, she immediately tries to put on makeup or choose clothes. She should leave her dressing up to herself, but she tries to do something for me, too.
Itâs a hassle.
But Sendai-san at a time like this will not give up.
It is really troublesome.
Why did I say that we should go out together on Sunday?
ãWeâre going out, so be a grown-up and get dressed and made up.ã
Sure enough, Sendai-san smiles as if she is in a good mood.
I wish the day I said, âI want to go somewhere with you,â had been thrown into the cauldrons of hell to be stewed and melted.
I look at Sendai-san.
She was still in a good mood and was drinking orange juice with a delicious taste.