In the middle of the night, I see the marks made on Miyagi.
The red color is clearly reflected in the mirror.
What was put on today cannot disappear today.
I put the hand mirror on the table and lean back on the bed.
Concealer and foundation can make it less noticeable. But if Iâm at home, I wonât have to go to the trouble of hiding it.
ãâ¦I guess Iâll just have to stay home. But this is boring, though.ã
There is nothing I want or have to do at home, but it is also a hassle to go out while worrying about the marks made by Miyagi.
I havenât made any promises to my friends yet.
I just thought it would be nice to go out together. There is no place I want to go, nor is there any place I have to go. If I go to college after the holidays, I will see them even if I donât want to.
There is nothing wrong with slacking off at home.
Though itâs not so good to think about what Miyagi did to me.
Since high school, I feel like I am the only one who has been treated badly.
For example, I was given a hickey on my arm to see if it would disappear faster if she put a cut lemon on top of the hickey.
For example, she unbuttoned my rain-soaked uniform and put a hickey on my chest.
Miyagi always does not do anything bad.
But I chose to live with Miyagi, and here I am. I am sure that if I were to explain the current situation to the me of last year, I would not believe it.
I press my palm on the mark made by Miyagi.
Miyagi appears to have no connection to the word âtame,â but even so, she still seems to have been reserved in the beginning. Now there is no hesitation on her.
I back away from the bed and hold my knees.
My gaze falls on the platypus perched under the table.
With tissues growing out of its back, it seems to belong to Miyagi, even though it was bought as something for the two of us to use. Perhaps because it resembles the crocodile tissue covers in Miyagiâs room, I naturally accept the presence of such things in my room. In the past, the growing number of Miyagiâs things in my room used to be a burden, but now I feel that Miyagiâs uniforms and cut-and-sewns stored in chests are part of the fabric of my room.
I get up and bring the accessory case from the top of the chest. I put it on the table and take out the pendant that Miyagi gave me.
The day of the graduation ceremony, the pendant remained with me in exchange for an envelope, and I havenât had it since then.
I would like to touch Miyagi as I did when I was wearing this pendant.
I wish I had kissed Miyagi watching the movie.
I put the silver chain on my finger.
I see a small moon-shaped ornament.
I check the chain with my fingertips and squeezes the small ornament.
I donât want to go back to those days, but I envy the person I was back then.
I pull the platypus in and place the pendant on its head. I lay down on my bed and hump the wall.
I donât make a loud noise, so there is no answer, but I hear a noise from next door. In the dead of night, I didnât have to listen very carefully to know that it was the sound of a door being opened.
I raise myself out of bed.
Iâm not sure if I should go to the common area.
I donât have anything to talk about.
I think for a minute about what to do and then get up. Iâm glad I introduced the sweatshirt. It was an easy access to the common spaces.
When I opened the door, the light was on and I saw Miyagi standing in front of the refrigerator. Miyagi is wearing a familiar sweatshirt, or rather a sweatshirt I borrowed when I stayed at her house over winter break.
ãYou canât sleep?ã
When I speak to her from the front of the table, she replies in a curt voice,ãI was going to sleep, but Iâm thirsty.ãMiyagi takes out a bottle of cider from the refrigerator. She pours it into a glass and drinks about a third of the clear liquid.
ãIs Sendai-san not sleeping?ã
Miyagi looks at me with a glass in her hand.
ãI thought Iâd have a drink too.ã
I mention something that might be a reason to come out to the common space.
ãShall I serve you orange juice?ã
ãNhn, Iâll just have the one Miyagi is drinking. Give me a sip.ã
ãThis is cider, though.ã
ãIâll know it when I see it.ã
.
ãâ¦Then, Iâll give you the rest of it.ã
Then Miyagi comes up to me and hands me a glass.
ãI donât need that much.ã
Iâm not thirsty, nor do I like carbonated drinks. I canât have more than half the cider left to be forced on me for the right reasons.
I take a sip as I say and try to return the glass. But Miyagi wouldnât accept it. When I had no choice but to drink half of it and put the glass on the table, Miyagi said to me,ãSendai-san.ã
ãAre you going out tomorrow?ã
ãThanks to someone, I canât go out even if I wanted to.ã
ãHmmmâ¦ã
Miyagi emptied the glass on the table as she said she was not interested, even though she had asked me herself. Then she tried to go wash the glass, saying sheâll clean it up.
ãCan we talk a little more?ã
I grab Miyagiâs arm.
ãWe donât have anything to talk about.ã
ãWe donât need to have one.ã
I take the glass away and place it on the table.
Steps closer to Miyagi.
I reach out and touch her lips with my fingertips.
ãYou want to talk about it, no?ã
Miyagi raised her eyebrows at me. Her face was grim to look at, but she did not run away. So I let go of the arm I had grabbed.
ãTell what me you want, Miyagi.ã
ãSendai-san just wanted to talk me, right?ã
ãI donât know?ã
I stroke Miyagiâs cheek and put my palms together.
She must know what I want, and she should run away now.
My memories connect with high school days.
The music preparation room I called after the festival.
I called Miyagi, who was enjoying the cultural festival without me, and grabbed her arm. I then told her that if she didnât want to be kissed, she could run away.
Even then I wanted to kiss her, even though I didnât intend to kiss her, and I touched Miyagi.
I wouldnât say it is exactly the same as now, but it is very similar.
Putting a face to Miyagi.
She says nothing. That doesnât mean I close my eyes, so I close them myself.
Then, I put my lips together.
It was soft and warm.
Itâs the feel of lips I know so well.
But maybe itâs because I havenât touched it in so long that my heart is pounding so hard I feel like itâs going to break, and my mind goes blank. Itâs just our lips meeting, but it becomes painful, and Iâll move away. Soon we kiss again, this time harder, and our lips meet. I grabbed Miyagiâs arm. When I tried to pull her closer, she shook my hand off and pushed my shoulder.
Itâs not enough.
I would like to kiss her more.
I grab her hand.
But she shakes me off again, and this time she kicks me in the leg.
ãWhy didnât you run away?ã
Miyagi doesnât run away when she wants to run away. I easily accept when I think she will run away anyway. I wish she had run away before I kissed her so I wouldnât have felt the need to do more.
ãâ¦I was just testing to see if Sendai-san was lying. I knew you were a liar. When you promised to watch a movie, you said you wouldnât do anything weird.ã
ãThat means I wonât do that in my room.ã
ãI hate that about Sendai-san.ã
Miyagi says in a resentful voice and kicks me a little above the ankle, harder than before.
ãNow thatâs painful.ã
When I complained that I was kicked with a fair amount of force, although it was added and subtracted, I was kicked again in the same spot.
ãIâm going back to my room.ã
Miyagi turns her back on me.
When she has taken three steps toward her room as she declared, I call out to her.
ãWhat are you going to do tomorrow, Miyagi?ã
ãIâm going out with Maika.ã
Miyagi answers with his back to me.
ãThe weather forecast says it will rain again tomorrow.ã
ãSendai-san, youâre still lying. I just looked at the weather forecast, it said itâs going to be sunny.ã
Miyagi spun around and denied the appropriate forecast I had mentioned.
ãThen maybe Iâm looking at it wrong. Are you free the day after tomorrow?ã
ãâ¦Iâm free.ã
ãI canât go anywhere because of these marks, and weâll watch a movie again.ã
I touches my neck and smiled.
It is unfair and boring that Iâm the only one who canât leave the house. Miyagi should take responsibility because she created a reason for me not to go out. Iâm not asking her to make it interesting, but she should at least keep me company to pass the time.
ãIâll never watch a movie that Sendai-san likes.ã
ãThatâs fine to me.ã
When I replied without cracking a smile, Miyagi said,ãGood night,ãin the grumpiest voice Iâve heard all day.