I had planned to take a more relaxed spring break.
At the end of the year, there was Christmas, and at the beginning of the year, I was forced to lead a reasonably regular life in the company of Sendai-san. I also went to Sendai-sanâs part-time job and visited the zoo, so I was reasonably busy during winter break.
So, although I had planned to spend my spring break relaxing, I was forced to participate in making truffles. She was going to make me do something on White Day too. I also have to meet Komatsu-san.
But now is no time to dwell on what is done and what is yet to come.
I lay back on the bed and pet the black catâs head.
I donât want to go anywhere tomorrow.
A little over a week has passed since Valentineâs Day and I am feeling like a child who does not want to go to school. Itâs all Sendai-sanâs fault that I feel this way.
ãItâs strange.ã
I didnât tell her she could fill in tomorrowâs schedule, but she did on her own.
Me, Sendai-san, and Maika are supposed to go out together. The purpose, of course, is to pick out clothes for Maika. Tomorrow is filled with such plans.
It is a decision that will not be reversed.
If I say I absolutely hate it, it could be overturned, but there is no reason that I can fool Maika when she asks me why. Sendai-san has decided on her own schedule, but she has as good a right of veto as any.
After dinner, Sendai-san, who was going to take a bath, told me that she was planning to take a bath tomorrow, as if it was an afterthought, but this was too unexpected.
Maika wanted Sendai-san to pick out some clothes for her, and since the three of us were going out together, we had to make plans. But since Maika is my friend, I should be the one to talk to her and decide the day we go out, not Sendai-san who decides alone with Maika. Iâm not in the mood for this because of the way the story was being told on its own.
I toss the black cat toward the ceiling and catch it.
These things require preparation, not a hasty decision. Sendai-san seems to be looking forward to it so much that she has made plans early, but I am not.
ãIf you want to go out with Maika so badly, just you and Maika canââã
No.
I cannot let Sendai-san and Maika go alone.
Since we promised that it would be the three of us, we should go out together.
I sighed.
I wish it was just Maika and me.
It would be nice to go out with Maika tomorrow, but I donât want to add Sendai-san to that list. Iâm the only one who can go out with Maika. Even if itâs not tomorrow. Iâve been thinking that way for a long, long time, to the point of disgust.
In short, I do not want Sendai-san to meet Maika.
I canât allow Sendai-san to talk with Maika alone without my permission.
Even Komatsu-san and Noto-san are the same.
I donât want them to see or talk to Sendai-san.
I know the name of this emotion.
I didnât want to notice it, but I noticed it at the school festival, and it shows its face when others are involved with Sendai-san. Even after the school festival was over, it would often show up and make me feel like a jerk.
I didnât want exclusivity.
It led to another feeling that I wanted to be unaware of.
ââJealousy.
It pulls those baubles out of the back of my mind.
I toss the black cat toward the ceiling and follow the black mass with my eyes.
After catching it with both hands, I raise myself up and place the black stuffed animal under my pillow. Then, using the bed as a chair, I picked up my phone and displayed photos from the school festival.
Me and Sendai-san.
Maika and Sendai-san.
Many Sendai-san are there.
Just as she labels and organizes her anniversaries, I label the emotions I didnât want to notice. I donât have to, but I carefully separate them from other feelings, categorize them, name them, and write them in large letters on a label. The written words do not disappear. The label sticks to my insides and doesnât come off. I tried not to look at them, but they were growing without my knowledge, and my insides were covered with labels.
Itâs really frustrating.
But there are ways to make labels less conspicuous.
If Sendai-san stays connected to me, thatâs all that matters.
Promise, binding, restraint.
Any way to connect.
The stronger the method, the more effective.
For example, Iâd put her on a leash and put her in this roomââ
I exhale heavily.
Sendai-san is mine, and I am already tethered to her.
The blue earring is a sign that sheâs mine, and if thatâs not enough, I can put a red mark on her body. It will never be Maikaâs.
Thatâs why, Iâm fine.
I stroke the piercing on the hole that Sendai-san had drilled. I pressed the small flower with my fingertips and pulled my earlobe, and then I heard a thump, and then a knock on the door.
ãMiyagi, can I talk to you for a second?ã
I hear Sendai-sanâs voice and change the screen of my phone before grabbing the black cat.
ãIâll open it now, so wait.ã
I put the black cat on the bookshelf and then opened the door.
ãWhat is it, Sendai-san?ã
ãI just wanted to ask you a few questions, can I come in?ã
ãâ¦Thatâs fine.ã
Itâs not much better, but I let Sendai-san into the room anyway, sit down on the floor and use the bed as a backdrop. But she doesnât come to stand next to me, still standing in front of the bookshelf.
ãWhat are you doing?ã
ãThe black cat was tumbling, so I let it sit. Does this one have a name?ã
ãNone.ã
I try to remember if I put the nameless black cat back on the bookshelf properly, but I canât. I think I put it there as usual, but I donât think I did.
ãWhy donât you put it on?ã
ãI canât put it on. Is that what you want to ask, Sendai-san?ã
ãNo, but⦠Iâll give it a name, shall I?ã
ãI donât want to. If it were up to Sendai-san, you would name it Kuro-chan or something like that.ã
ãâ¦How about Roro-chan? Isnât it cute?ã
ãItâs hard to say. What is it that you want to ask me about?ã
ãI was gonna ask if I could touch your hair.ã
After saying this, Sendai-san sat on the bed and lightly pulled my hair.
ãNow?ã
I slap Sendai-sanâs hand and asks her a question.
ãTomorrow. I need to make some braids and do your makeup before we go out.ã
ãI absolutely donât want to.ã
ãI thought you would say that. Miyagi is really stingy.ã
With a voice that doesnât sound too disappointed, she tugs at my hair again, just a little off the top of my head.
ãI could at least make a braid with hair from this area to just below the ear. Iâm only going to braid this side, so it wonât take long.ã
ãI told you I donât want to.ã
I donât have to do anything unnecessary. I would rather talk about something else if we are going to talk than discuss such matters.
ãâ¦Why did you decide to do it tomorrow?ã
I see Sendai-san wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and a cardigan. She seems to have just gotten out of the bath, her long hair is not tied up, and she is not wearing any makeup. I am probably the only one who can see Sendai-san in this kind of rough look.
ãWhy, thereâs no point in procrastinating. Even Utsunomiya would want to buy clothes as soon as possible. And Miyagi, you never make a decision. Mio is coming to visit us next month, so it would be better to make plans as soon as possible.ã
ãYes, butâ¦ã
ãMaybe it wasnât convenient? Miyagi, you said you didnât have any plans, so we decided on tomorrow.ã
Sure, I had said I had no plans, but that didnât mean I was leaving it open to make plans to go out with Maika. But there was only one thing I could say, knowing that there was no point in complaining now.
ãItâs not bad.ã
ãOkay, then. So, to continue what we were talking about earlier, if you donât like braiding your hair and makeup, let me pick out your clothes.ã
ãI donât want to.ã
ãWhat are your orders then?ã
ãYouâre so quick to say things like that.ã
ãItâs fine. The person being ordered says itâs fine, so you sell the order cheap. Miyagi, donât you want to trade terms? Letâs trade orders and what I want to do.ã
ãI donât want to do it.ã
ãYou like to give orders, donât you? Do it.ã
ãBeing told to give an order and then doing it, itâs something different.ã
I donât mind giving orders to Sendai-san, but I donât want to be forced to give orders. The orders I give when I am told to give orders are like me following Sendai-san; it is as if I am taking orders from her.
ãThen leave your hair to me, Miyagi. Let me do your makeup too.ã
.
If not to Maika.
If I am willing to make those conditions, I can let Sendai-san touch my hair or do my makeup. But thereâs no way I can say that.
ãMiyagi.ã
Sendai-san gets off the bed and sits next to me.
She reaches out her hand, strokes my hair, and caresses my cheek. The scent of the same shampoo as mine tickles my nostrils and I strongly feel Sendai-san.
ãâ¦Just a little.ã
I canât make Maika promise not to do my hair or makeup, but at least tomorrow it will only be me.
ãThatâs good. Do you need to mark me?ã
ãNot now.ã
ãThen, what if I mark you, Miyagi?ã
ãI donât want to.ã
After a small âstingy,â Sendai-sanâs lips naturally attach to mine. But our lips meet only for a moment, and then quickly part.
The kisses she gives hide my labeled emotions.
So when I tugged on Sendai-sanâs cardigan, she kissed me again.