I donât mind Sendai-san licking my feet, but Iâm not in the mood for it. I think even Sendai-san is aware of that.
Itâs not something I want to be done.
There is nothing I want to do.
Iâm not in a bad mood, so thereâs no way to make it better.
If you must say something, please do one thing.
ãâ¦That, untie it.ã
I point to Sendai-sanâs ponytail sitting on the floor of the common area.
ãMy hair?ã
ãYes. Stop with the ponytail.ã
ãDoes that put you in a better mood?ã
ãUntie it even if it doesnât get better.ã
I kicked Sendai-san in the knee with a casual remark, and without hesitation, she untied her hair.
ãIs this good?ã
ãNot good. Your ears, get them out of sight.ã
Sendai-san no longer has her hair in a ponytail, but she has her hair over her ears, so I can see the blue stone, which is also a sign that it is mine.
ãâ¦Why not? You should be able to see, right?ã
Sendai-san says, looking a little dissatisfied.
ãItâs not good, so make sure I canât see it.ã
There is no one here but me.
I am the only one who can see Sendai-sanâs earrings, but she is mine even if I cannot see them. So now I donât need to see the blue stones that adorn her ears. I think I should hide it along with the feelings inside me that I donât want to see.
ãHurry up and do it.ã
I kick Sendai-san in the knee again.
ãOuch.ã
I heard an emotionless voice tell her,ãIf you donât want to get kicked, do as I say,ãand her visible ears were hidden.
ãSo, howâs your mood?ã
ãJust the usual.ã
ãAnd thatâs the usual?ã
ãBut itâs the usual.ã
ãI see.ã
Sendai-san let out a small breath. Then she put her forehead on my knee and blurted out,
ãâ¦I donât know what youâre thinking, Miyagi.ã
ãI also donât know what youâre thinking, Sendai-san. Licking my feet to get me in a good mood is crazy.ã
ãIs it that crazy?ã
I canât see her face as she asks me a small question.
ãYou donât have to lick it if youâre not ordered to.ã
ãItâs a Miyagi thing-ish act, right?ã
I hear voices whose emotions are unreadable.
Itâs a voice that is appropriate for Sendai-san, who doesnât know what sheâs thinking, but itâs also a voice that makes me wonder what she looks like now.
I want her to look up.
I want her to look me in the face and say.
But I canât say it because if I see Sendai-sanâs face right now, something bad might happen.
ãPervert.ã
I said quietly and pinched Sendai-sanâs whiskers.
ãGive me an order. Iâll do whatever you say.ã
Sendai-san would not look up. I could feel her body heat from my knees, but that was not enough to tell me anything.
ãYou donât have to say it like that.ã
ãIs that an order?ã
ãAn order. And stand in front of me with a normal face.ã
ãWhat kind of order is that?ã
ãYou donât have to mind what kind of orders I give you, just do what I say.ã
ãâ¦Okayâokay.ã
I am relieved that the voice I hear is back to her usual voice.
My forehead is separated from hers, and the warmth of her body on my lap is distant. But soon our fingertips are gently attached, and Sendai-sanâs heat flows in again.
ãI said stand up.ã
ãI know. Iâll follow your orders.ã
I donât expect her to listen to my orders, but all I can do now is give her. This is the closest we can get to âbusiness as usualâ without me inviting her to go out with me or to meet people I donât want to meet.
ãIf you know what youâre doing, get up quickly.ã
I said plainly, and Sendai-san stood up, as if it was too much trouble. Then she asks,ãWhatâs next?ã, but I have no intention of answering.
I silently get up from my chair. I gently put my face to Sendai-sanâs neck and attach my lips to hers, returning the heat that flowed from my lap.
Once, twice.
I repeat kisses to the neck.
ãYou donât mark them?ã
ãIâm not.ã
I answered shortly and slowly pressed my lips against Sendai-sanâs neck.
I donât want to leave this day behind for Sendai-san.
That is why I didnât make a mark.
Instead, I kissed her repeatedly, returning the body heat that Sendai-san gave me and taking it away again.
ãWouldnât it be better to be in bed than here?ã
Sendai-san, who says nothing but superfluous words, puts her arm around my back and pressed her shoulder.
ãI didnât mean it that way.ã
One step away and step on Sendai-sanâs foot.
ãThen what do you mean?ã
ãâ¦It doesnât mean anything.ã
ãIf it doesnât make sense, make it and pretend it does.ã
ãImpossible.ã
ãWhy is it impossible?ã
She really only says extraneous things.
There is no deeper meaning to what I just did, nor do I intend to create one. Of course, there is no reason for the answer that it is impossible. I canât be asked questions by me who only has what I donât have. I have to shut her up like this.
ãShut up, Sendai-san.ã
I press her stomach and think of ways to keep her from asking any more stupid questions. But nothing like that comes to mind right away.
Asking questions may help to shut down Sendai-sanâs questions, but she may not answer them properly.
If thatâs the case, then Iâll use the hot water from the electric kettle to make tea and kill time and Sendai-sanâs chatter.
Thatâs what I thought, but my mouth moved of its own accord.
ãâ¦What is important to you, Sendai-san?ã
Probably not what Iâm asking here and now.
I know, but I donât think I could ask if it wasnât for a day like today.
ãImportant to me?ã
Itâs not that it canât be predicted.
When Maika and I went out with the three of us, I heard the answer that led us to it. I remember her well because she always said she liked the same things I liked, but she said she âmight likeâ things I didnât like as much, and I know she was right.
Like studying.
To be precise, teaching study may be more important than what is important. Sendai-san likes teaching study, and she taught me too.
ãYes. Sendai-sanâs important thing.ã
Sendai-san stares at me and then drops her gaze to the floor.
No words.
No return of the gaze.
She continues to stare at the floor, not at me.
I donât think what is important and what I like are equal, but if the answer is âtutoring students,â I donât want to hear it.
Sendai-sanâs âfavorite thingâ continues to smolder in my mind.
I still donât hear any voices.
I had no choice but to look at the floor where Sendai-san was staring, and she blurted out.
ãâ¦Itâs this place, I guess.ã
It is a relief to hear a different word than the answer I donât want to hear.
But I am also not convinced.
I almost say it aloud, but I stopped.
ãWhatâs important to you, Miyagi?ã
The question I asked Sendai-san came back to me, and I shifted my gaze to her from where we had spent quite a bit of time together, cooking and cleaning.
ãââHamburger.ã
ãEh, hamburger?ã
ãMake it.ã
ãNow? I mean, whatâs important to you?ã
ãI answered it.ã
ãYou answered, but hamburgers arenât important, theyâre your favorite thing.ã
Sendai-san kicks me in the leg, as if in disgust.
ãTheyâre very similar.ã
Iâm not the only one who sometimes doesnât answer questions properly. Sendai-san also sometimes gives me inappropriate answers, so itâs a win-win situation.
ãWell, I donât mind if itâs a hamburger. Miyagi, you really like those, donât you? Hamburgers.ã
ãI donât care about that, just make it.ã
ãI donât have the ingredients.ã
ãWhy donât you just go buy them?ã
ãThen you should have told me earlier. I should have stopped by the supermarket.ã
It may be too late to make hamburgers after going shopping. But I want to eat hamburgers today.
I really want to.