We were going to watch movies until morning.
But Sendai-san didnât want to make use of the tablet she brought with her. She said she would meet me after taking a bath and getting dressed, and she is drinking tea gracefully next to me.
ãIsnât a sleepover a party to watch a movie together?ã
I asked Sendai-san, who was wearing a T-shirt instead of pajamas, and she put down her mug and looked at me.
ãMiyagi, you were going to stay up all night to watch the movie, so you should watch it.ã
ãThen, Iâll stay up all night and watch a movie.ã
ãYou and Utsunomiya saw the movie, so you can do that later.ã
ãIâll watch the movie first.ã
I try to grab the tablet on the table, but Sendai-san takes it from me before I can reach it.
ãDo the movie after we run out of things to talk about. I told you weâd talk nonsense and get to know each other.ã
Sendai-san chuckled and placed the tablet on the bed where it rested on his back.
ãI donât have anything to say.ã
ãThere are a lot of things to think about, arenât there? For example, what will you have for breakfast tomorrow?ã
ãButter and jam on toastã
ãOkay, then, what was your most memorable moment in high school?ã
ãI donât have to answer that. Itâs my room and I decide what to do.ã
When I assured her, Sendai-san replied,ãI see,ãbut she didnât seem to be listening to me and said,ãMiyagi,ãin a rather cheerful voice.
ãLetâs do janken.ã
ãEh?ã
I cannot give a proper reply to words I did not expect.
ãHere it goes, Rock, paper, scissors!ã
When she called out to me, I reflexively put out a goo. When I looked at Sendai-sanâs hand, I saw a par and heard her happy voice.
ãItâs my win. The movie would be later.ã
It seemed that the game of rock-paper-scissors was a choice of what to do next, and Sendai-san, who won the game, started talking nonsense as a matter of course.
ãYou wonât do any part-time jobs, Miyagi?ã
ãIâm not.ã
I would consider doing it if I had to go back to that empty house without a part-time job, but so far that hasnât happened. My father does as much as he can to help me through college without a part-time job.
ãHey, you know, I said Iâm thinking of getting more part-time work for winter break, but why donât you do that with me, Miyagi?ã
ãSendai-san, you should do it alone.ã
Sendai-san, who works part-time, is unacceptable.
I donât want her to go to places I donât know, and I donât want her to meet people I didnât know, but I donât want to work part-time with her.
ãIf youâre not going home, you have time for winter break.ã
ãI wonât work part-time, even if I had the time.ã
ãWhy?ã
ãIâm not cut out for it.ã
If I were to work part-time with Sendai-san, who does everything with ease, I would definitely be compared to her. I am not able to do everything like her, nor am I to the point. If we work at the same place, I think I will show Sendai-san that Iâm not good looking. Not that I want to show my good side, but there is no need to go out of my way to show my bad side.
Besides, I donât know what I should look like when I am with Sendai-san in the presence of others.
ãYouâre going to get a job after college, so you should at least get a part-time job as a rehearsal for that.ã
ãIf I were to practice, I wouldnât do it with Sendai-san.ã
ãâ¦What if itâs with Utsunomiya?ã
I hear a slightly low voice.
It seems that Sendai-san is in a bad mood today.
ãMaika has nothing to do with that.ã
ãIf youâre going to work part-time, do it with me.ã
ãI wonât be doing it with Sendai-san, and for now, I wonât be working part-time during winter break itself.ã
I wish Sendai-san had never had a part-time job in the first place.
It would be faster for Sendai-san to give up her part-time job for the winter break than for her to tell me to get a part-time job. She should quit her tutoring job without taking on more part-time work and spend her time slaving away at home. But she didnât seem to think so, exhaling in frustration and turning her body toward me.
ãIâll say it again. Letâs work part-time together during winter break. Iâll find you a part-time job.ã
ãLike I said before, I wonât work part-time with Sendai-san.ã
I donât want her to decide on a part-time job without my permission, so I clearly refuse once again. No matter how many times Iâm told, I have no intention of taking a part-time job with her.
ãNo matter what?ã
ãNo matter what.ã
ãâ¦Miyagi.ã
Sendai-san calls me in a quiet voice.
When I didnât answer, a hand was placed on my shoulder.
ãI think Miyagi should think about me a little more.ã
ãâ¦I did buy pudding for you.ã
ãThatâs not what I mean. ââIâm saying youâre hurting me.ã
Sendai-san slowly puts more pressure on the hand she has placed on my shoulder. I almost pushed her down and pushed her shoulder back to gain just a little distance.
ãWhy did you get hurt?ã
ãIf you donât understand, then itâs fine.ã
When she said this, Sendai-san kisses me as if it were a matter of course.
Her lips are pressed hard against mine, and her hands are wrapped around my back.
Her hands go down over the T-shirt, stroking the shoulder blades. The hem of my dress is rolled up to push Sendai-sanâs body away from mine, but our lips meet again. This time she goes deeper and bites lightly to expel the tongue that has parted her lips. Still, she does not leave me. A tongue that is not mine tries to engage me.
The hand traces up the spine and up.
I am distracted by the tongue that has become so familiar to me over the years, and then my bra is unhooked. I push hard and strong on Sendai-sanâs body, and also expel her hand that got inside my T-shirt.
ãI wasnât in the mood for this.ã
Kissing, however, wouldnât have been in the mood to remove my underwear. And thatâs not what was promised.
ãYou said youâd wait until I said it was okay.ã
Thatâs not a promise she forced upon me.
It was something that Sendai-san said to me, and it was something she pledged to my earring even before she came to this room.
ãI didnât say I wanted to have a sleepover with the intention of doing something like this⦠itâs Miyagiâs fault.ã
ãEven if Iâm at fault, you made me a promise, and youâre going to keep it.ã
ãIâll keep my promise. But if Miyagi says itâs okay, I donât have to wait, right?ã
I pushed her shoulder as she tried to put her hand in my clothes again, saying something that I didnât think was right, as if it were obvious.
The order is wrong.
She should ask if itâs ok and then do it.
ãMiyagi, if you donât like it, tell me you donât like it. Then Iâll stop.ã
ãStop.ã
ãWhatâs the reason?ã
ãI told you earlier.ã
ãDoing or being done, because youâre about to lose your mind?ã
It was something I said, but when I heard it in Sendai-sanâs voice, I couldnât help but realize that I had said something terribly embarrassing. I feel like I want to erase myself from the past because I never had to say it.
ãMiyagi.ã
When I remained silent, Sendai-sanâs hand would caress my cheek and I would respond with a smallãyes.ã
ãItâs okay to lose your mind. Tomorrow is your day off too, so donât worry about losing your mind.ã
A hand stroked my cheek and crawled up my neck.
Sendai-sanâs fingertips touch my collarbone and I grab her hand.
ãSendai-san, you said something similar the other day, but Iâm not okay with that.ã
I peel off the hand that is attached to her body and pushes it toward Sendai-san.
ãOkay, Iâll try not to lose your mind.ã
A voice is in my ear and her lips are pressed against my neck. I am sucked lightly and her teeth are set, but itâs a sweet bite, so it doesnât hurt. But the tickling momentarily relaxes me from my body.
Next thing I know, my back is on the floor.
ãSendai-san!ã
When I call her name strongly, my lips are sealed.
A hand slips inside my T-shirt.
A hand is placed on my stomach and slowly moves up. My bra, unhooked, is slid off without hesitation. I bite her lip, and Sendai-san moves away as if to escape, but her hands cover my breasts.
It takes my breath away.
But Sendai-san did nothing more.
The hand on her chest remains still, not moving.
Right now I just feel her warmth so I can maintain a sense of normalcy, but if I can keep this upââ
I grab Sendai-sanâs hand over my T-shirt.
ãI didnât say it was okay.ã
ãI know I canât.ã
ãIf you know what youâre doing, get your hands off me.ã
ãI, for one, want to respect Miyagiâs feelings, and I know I have.ã
ãâ¦Youâre not doing that now.ã
ãI still want to do it. So make up a reason why you donât want me to do it, except youâre going to lose your mind. Make up a reason that would make me unable to do anything, not one that could be easily overturned, and tell me what it is.ã
Sendai-san says in a tone that makes no sense, yet seems to make sense.
ãThen answer me, Sendai-san, before I answer you. What is the reason you want to do it, Sendai-san?ã
When I ask, she stared at me.
The hand that was holding on moves down spontaneously and I fix it on my stomach.
ãâ¦Is that a good answer?ã
The voice I heard sounded much less confident than before.
Sendai cast her eyes down as if she was lost.
The air becomes heavy as her gaze is averted.
It shouldnât be a suffocating scene, but my heart tightens and I find it hard to breathe. My heart beats irregularly like raindrops slamming against the window.
I donât know what Iâm trying to say, but I feel as if itâs something I shouldnât hear.
Eyes that were downcast look at me.
She is about to open her mouth, and I interrupt the words that are about to be spun out.
ãI donât have to answer that.ã
ãIâve asked you about it, Miyagi.ã
ãYes, but I donât have to answer that.ã
ãThen, donât answer⦠but you better give me a good reason why you donât want to.ã
As she said this, Sendai-san pulled her hand out of my T-shirt.