Rare cheesecake and iced tea on the table.
It was Sendai-san who bought the after-dinner dessert, which some days there is and some days there is not, and she is sitting diagonally in front of me with her back to the bed.
ãWhy the cake?ã
I ask, stroking the head of her roomâs resident platypus. I really could have eaten in my room, but I came to Sendai-sanâs room without any timing to say so after eating dinner.
ãItâs to celebrate because the exam is over.ã
Sendai-san said, âItadakimasu,â and continued to pick up her fork. She then crumbled the tip of the cake and brought it to her mouth.
ãIâm glad the exam is over, but is it enough to eat cake?ã
ãEven if itâs not as good as eating it, it tastes better if thereâs a reason for it.ã
ãIsnât Sendai-san just having her cake and eating it?ã
ãWell, yes. But itâs delicious. You should eat it, too, Miyagi.ã
She smiles at me and I say,ãItadakimasu,ãbefore taking a bite of cake.
The moist and smooth cream cheese and the cookie dough base mingle in my mouth.
The rare cheesecake was from the same store that Sendai-san had bought it from once before, and it was tart and refreshing. It had not been long since we had dinner, but it was so delicious that I could have eaten two or three pieces.
ãSendai-san, do you like rare cheese cake?ã
Today, all that was in the box was two rare cheese cakes.
Last time there were four cakes in the box, and Sendai-san shared the rare cheesecake and shortcake with me, then ate the remaining baked cheesecake and strawberry tart.
ãI like it.ã
ãIf it were rare or baked cheesecake, which would it be?ã
ãBoth. Miyagi might like the rare one.ã
ãThatâs true, butâ¦ã
That time I asked Sendai-san which of the four cakes she liked best and he replied,ãStrawberry tart and baked cheesecake.ãSeeing that she bought two rare cheese cakes today, I think she prefers rare cheese cake to baked cheese cake, but Sendai-san doesnât tell the truth.
ãOther than cheesecake, what is Miyagiâs favorite cake?ã
Sheâs trying to make it sound like sheâs always going to be there.
Which one do I really like?
If you return a question to a question, Sendai-san will probably just answerãneitherãagain.
I would at least like to know her favorite cake, but itâs not something I would persistently ask.
ãThe ones that arenât too sweet.ã
Swallow any words that might be wasted and answer the question.
ãItâs true that if itâs too sweet, I get bored halfway through.ã
Sendai-san gulped down a cup of iced tea as she said this.
Anything about her seems difficult. I canât even get the answer to the common question of which cheesecake I like better. I still donât know who I like, which is a topic of conversation when my friends get together. Only my desire to know is swelling like a balloon, but I am unable to give her the balloon filled with questions I want to ask.
ãOh, right, Miyagi.ã
Sendai-san clapped her hands as if she remembered.
ãWhat are you going to do with your summer vacation? Youâre not going home, are you?ã
ãIâm not leaving, but I havenât decided what Iâm going to do.ã
In a few days, Iâll be on summer vacation, but my plans are blank.
There is nothing to do, even though the break is longer than high school.
ãSo, why donât we go somewhere together? You wonât go out with Utsunomiya, do you?ã
Sendai-san casually mentions Maikaâs name.
Since then, the two seem to have become closer than ever, and sometimes the otherâs name comes up when talking to either of them.
ãWhy do you think I donât go out and play with Maika?ã
ãI heard from Utsunomiya that you are going back to your parentsâ house for summer vacation. You said you were going to be over there for quite a long while, but have your plans changed?ã
ãâ¦It hasnât changed. I wonât be back until September, though.ã
The Sendai-san and Maika I saw in this room seemed like they could have said they had been friends for a long time, and they seemed to hit it off, so I hope they can be mutual friends. But I didnât know that we had become close enough to discuss our summer vacation plans.
ãI see. Then you have more than enough time.ã
Sendai-san chuckles.
We certainly have time.
I donât mind going out with her during the summer vacation, but I donât want to be honest and say itâs okay.
I want to know.
How well do she know Maika and what do they talk about?
I have never heard of the two of them meeting together, but I wonder if that will happen in the future.
I would like to know.
But I canât ask that. I know that I shouldnât go that far into Sendai-sanâs friendships and that itâs unnatural to ask.
I break off a large piece of rare cheese cake in front of me and eat it in a snap. A refreshing sour taste spreads in my mouth. However, the cream cheese, which is supposed to be refreshing, turns into a heavy, stomach-churning taste.
ãLetâs go have fun together during the summer vacation.ã
Maika is my friend, and although getting close to Sendai-san will not change that, there is also a part of me that doesnât want them to get close.
ãI have no plans, but I donât want to go anywhere.ã
ãAre you that much of a indoor person?ã
ãItâs hot and I donât have to go all the way outside.ã
This isnât what Iâm trying to say.
Because Sendai-san is too close to Maika, everything is bothering me and itâs not going well. I canât say the right words because my mind is spinning with things I want to ask but canât.
I think this is all Sendai-sanâs fault.
This is what happens when she talks about Maika in a friendly way.
Maika is my best friend, my special friend, and I donât want Sendai-san to get close to Maika.
I donât want Sendai-san to take Maika away from me if I donât do this.
No.
I have never cared who Maika was with until now.
And yet, when Sendai-san comes between us, I canât sort out my feelings.
Iââ
I donât want Maika to take Sendai-san away from me.
I hope that the distance between them will not get any closer.
No matter how close they get, no matter how close they are, thatâs it. Maika never touches or kisses Sendai-san, and Sendai-san never touches or kisses Maika. I and Maika are different. I am Sendai-sanâs roommate and I am the only one who can live with her. Even though I know this, I feel uneasy when Sendai-sanâs interest shifts a little to other places.
ãWell, if Miyagi is that much of a jerk, I donât mind watching movies in the house.ã
I hear Sendai-sanâs voice interrupting my thoughts.
Not wanting to see her face, I glance at her plate and see that the rare cheesecake is gone.
I also put my fork in the cake.
I take a little bit into my mouth and drop it into my stomach.
I feel as if I am eating dirt in my mouth even though I am supposed to be eating cake.
ãDo you have any movies you want to watch?ã
Sendai-san says in a soft voice, as if she is concerned about me.
I must not be looking too good right now. My brows might be wrinkled and I may not have a good look in my eyes.
ãSendai-san can decide what to watch.ã
I said casually and drinks my iced tea.
I should go back to your room now.
I empty my plate and put down my fork.
But before I could get up, Sendai-san grabbed my hand that was on the table.
ãMiyagi, didnât the cake taste good?ã
Sendai-sanâs questions and actions did not match at all. There should have been no need to hold my hand here, but she did.
She always does things that I donât think she has a reason to do.
And whether there is a reason or not, Sendai-sanâs body is soft, warm and comfortable. When I touch Sendai-san, I can rest assured that her interest is in me. I can also stop worrying about Maika.
Thatâs why, I would like to touch Sendai-san.
I donât think it should be someone else.
But I donât want to make her âspecial.â
The only special thing about the relationship should be that we are roommates.
We share a room with the promise that we will stay until we graduate from college, and that is a promise we have not made to anyone else. But our special has a time limit: until graduation. Even in high school, I made a promise with a deadline for graduation, but this promise is just as unthinkable as that one. If she makes herself special, I donât think we will be able to graduate from college.
ãIâm going back to my room.ã
I pull the connected hands toward me to stand up, but they wonât let go. I glare at Sendai-san, and she smiles back.
ãWhy donât you stay a little longer? Youâve finished your exams, you can relax.ã
ãI said Iâm going back to my room. Let go of my hand.ã
ãIâll let you go if you say youâll stay here a little longer.ã
Sendai-san sometimes says mean things, but not today.
If we keep holding hands like this, I wonât be myself.
ãI wonât say it.ã
I pull my hand harder than I did before.
ãMiyagi, look out. The glass might fall over.ã
Even as she said this, Sendai-san wouldnât let go of my hand.
Our hands, held together for no reason, are more forceful than before, and I feel her body heat more strongly. The heat that comes through clearly makes me want to touch Sendai-san more.
ãSendai-san.ã
I call her name, but her hand never leaves my hand.
If that were the caseââ
I get up on my knees.
My hands have been held together for no reason, and they continue to be held together for no reason, so there should be no reason for what I am about to do.
I place my own lips on Sendai-sanâs lips. When I press them lightly against each other, I can feel the heat mixed with the feeling that they are softer than my hands. Sendai-san immediately brought her lips together tightly and removed her face from mine. Then the hands that were immediately connected were released.
ãNow youâre kissing me, do you want me to take my hands off you?ã
Sendai-san says without hesitation.
I didnât mean the kiss as an exchange, but Iâm not going to bother correcting her. If Sendai-san thought it was a kiss for a reason, then let it be that kind of kiss.
ãNo.ã
When I assured her, Sendai-san asked, ãThen what do you want me to do?ã
I inhale, exhale, and then go next to Sendai-san.
ãDidnât I ask for a favor from Sendai-san in this room before?ã
ãA favor, you say?ã
Sendai-san looks at me strangely.
ãDid you forget that you asked me for permission to do what youâre about to do?ã
Donât tell me that she had forgotten the incident that led to Maika finding out that Sendai-san and I were sharing a room. I remember well what I did with Sendai-san in this room that day, and I am sure I will always remember it.
ãâ¦I remembered it, but.ã
Unusually, Sendai-san blurted out.
ãThat, I didnât get that back.ã
We cannot ask what we want to know, but I can touch Sendai-san. That is how much we have touched each other.
ãWhat do you mean, you didnât give it back?ã
My desire to know has led me to places I hadnât thought about, and I have a switch I hadnât anticipated. But it was Sendai-san who held my hand that connected the circuit, and it was her fault for not quickly letting go.
ãI listened to you that time, so you should listen to me this time.ã
My desire to know has led me to places I hadnât considered, and I have a switch I hadnât anticipated. But it was Sendai-san who held my hand that connected the circuit, and it was her fault for not quickly letting go of my hand.
ãYou mean you want me to do it all over again?ã
ãWrong. Iâm saying Iâll do Sendai-san. I want to know how Sendai-san will be. Tell me.ã
If I touch Sendai-san as she touched me.
If I could hear Sendai-sanâs voice like no one else can hear it.
Maybe I wonât be as anxious as I am now about who she is close to or what her priorities are over me.
I know I shouldnât touch Sendai-san with these feelings, but I canât stop myself.
Sendai-san sits in the center of me with a big face, and my feelings go toward her like leaves of a tree being sucked into the center of a vortex.
ãâ¦What kind of a change of heart is that?ã
Sendai-san says as she probes.
ãAs I said before, I just want to know what will happen to Sendai-san. If you donât like it, say no. But if you refuse, Iâll never let you do that again.ã
When I looked at Sendai-san, she was looking at me with a very serious face.