I want it, but I donât have to buy it.
Nail polish is about as good as it gets, and itâs not something I really need to buy today.
Even so.
Today I need the act of going to buy a manicure, and Miyagi must keep the promise she made to me.
ãSendai-san. Do you know which one youâre going to buy?ã
In front of a shelf lined with nail polish, I hear a voice from next door that sounds grumpier than when we were eating French toast.
ãI havenât decided yet.ã
I look at Miyagi, who looks bored.
The manicure is just a reason to take her around after dinner. It could have been clothes, a notebook, or a stuffed animal, but what came to mind at that moment was nail polish.
ãWhich one do you think is better, Miyagi?ã
I ask the question to prolong the time that the two of us do something together.
If I left her alone, she would say,ãIâm going to see something else,ãand disappear somewhere.
ãWhatever is fine.ã
ãYouâre being too uncooperative.ã
ãBecause theyâre not mine.ã
Miyagi, the human being, doesnât betray expectations when she wants them to be betrayed, but betrays them when she doesnât want them to be betrayed. Todayâs Miyagi is the former, and as expected, she shows no interest in the manicure. But Iâm okay with that.
If the emphasis is on choosing a manicure in the first place, it would be better to come with Mio rather than Miyagi. She must be more serious about choosing a manicure than Miyagi.
ãEven if it belongs to someone else, take it a little more seriously.ã
ãI donât even know what to think.ã
ãSo, if you were me, Miyagi, which one would you choose?ã
ãI wonât use it, so I wonât choose it.ã
Well, thatâs true.
I look down at Miyagiâs fingers.
Her nails are neatly trimmed but not painted. The day she touched me deeply, she had the same plain nails as today. They were the same length. They were cut just enough not to be too deep.
Itâs not good to dwell on the past.
I know, but my consciousness jumps to the day Miyagi cut my nails. I canât help but wonder if Miyagiâs nails were cut short that day in order to do that with me.
No good.
When I think about these things, I try to take Miyagiâs actions in my favor. And in the end, I come to the uninteresting conclusion that it is not true after all.
ââMiyagiâs nails are not usually long.
I remove my gaze from my fingers and look at Miyagiâs face.
ãWhy donât you use nail polish once in a while? Iâll pick one out for you.ã
ãI wonât have to choose because I wonât use it.ã
ãThen, would you like to use mine?ã
ãI wonât use it. Can I go look elsewhere?ã
There are many stores that sell nail polish, but I chose a general store today because I knew that Miyagi would want to leave immediately if I went to a store that only carried cosmetics. I also thought that I would be able to take Miyagi around even after I bought the nail polish.
So she should stay with me, I donât want her wandering around the store alone.
ãI want to see it with you later, and you should at least come with me to pick out a manicure.ã
Miyagi wrinkled her brow at the sound of my voice and stared at the shelf. Then she picked up one of the nail polishes.
ãWhat about this one?ã
She handed me a manicure as if she is pushing me.
ãOkay, but why this color?ã
Miyagi chose this color from among many nail polishes.
Pale pink.
I stared at her face, not at the nail polish in her hands.
ãYou donât like it?ã
ãI donât dislike it, but Iâm not sure why.ã
I want a reason.
It didnât seem like a deeply considered choice. So thatâs why I want there to be a good reason.
ãâ¦Cute, I know you like it.ã
Miyagi blurted out.
ãI like it, butâ¦ã
ãIf you like it, thatâs fine. Iâll go look elsewhere.ã
Miyagi tries to turn her back on me, as if she is done with her business.
She really is selfish.
ãIâm buying this, come with me.ã
Normally, I would have told herãto wait while I went and bought some,ãbut not today. I grab her arm and pull her to walk.
ãWhy do I have to go with you?ã
Behind me, I hear a voice that doesnât sound like the kind youâd expect to hear on the road.
ãI donât want you to get lost.ã
I canât let go because I feel like if I let go of her hand, Miyagi will go home.
ãIâm not a child, I wouldnât get lost.ã
ãYou could get lost, you know.ã
ãHow can it be more?ã
Miyagi says in a low voice.
ãThere are so many people, and if youâre not careful, you can get lost.ã
When I say this, Miyagi goes quiet, though he doesnât seem convinced. We follow the tail end of the line of people waiting in line at the cash register and gradually move forward.
ãIâm not going anywhere, so take your arms off.ã
I hear her in a bad mood and let go of her hand.
My turn comes around quickly and I pay the bill.
As we move away from the crowd, Miyagi pushes my arm.
ãAnnoying.ã
ãWeâve come all this way, and if weâre going to see something, I want to see it together.ã
ãSendai-sanâs shopping is done, so Iâm going home.ã
ãWait a minute. You said earlier that you were going to check out other places, so you must have something you want to see.ã
ãThereâs nothing in particular.ã
ãLetâs look at it even if you donât.ã
There was no response, but the fact that she was silent suggests that my proposal was accepted.
Mugs and stuffed animals.
A necklace and earrings.
There are many things in the grocery store to pass the time just looking around. As the two of us slowly made our way around the store, Miyagi was not sure whether she was enjoying herself or not, but she would occasionally stop to say howãcuteãorãMaika seems to like it.ã
There were no shortage of uninteresting comments, but they were trivial compared to the pleasure of being with Miyagi. Besides, there is nothing wrong with Utsunomiya.
I turned a blind eye to the not-so-small jealousy and follow Miyagi around.
Maybe itâs just an ordinary day in the eyes of others.
But for me, it is an important day.
Me and Miyagi go around the store together.
Such unimportant things are fun and enjoyable, and even though I sometimes get jealous, I donât want to leave.
ãSendai-san, it feels weird.ã
Miyagi, who had been looking at the aroma oil, looks up and says.
ãEh, why?ã
ãYou follow me from behind. Youâre like a stalker.ã
ãIsnât that a terrible way of putting it?ã
ãJust walk in front of me.ã
ãBecause I want to see what you want to see, Miyagi.ã
I smile, and later a cheerful voice calls my name.
ãSendai-sensei!ã
I turned around at the familiar call and saw a high school student standing there, whom I see every week.
ãKikyÅ-chan.ã
ãI almost didnât recognize you because you were in a ponytail.ã
I donât know where she appeared from, but KikyÅ-chan, a student of my tutoring job, answers smiling.
I think she wanted me not to notice. I didnât want to meet Miyagi where I could say that she was hostile to my part-time tutoring job. However, since she had caught my attention, I couldnât afford not to talk to her about anything.
ãI didnât expect to see KikyÅ-chan here either, so I almost didnât recognize you. Are you here with a friend?ã
ãI was with a friend and we just separated.ã
ãIs that so?ã
I made a smile and looked at KikyÅ, her eyes turned next to mine. Her eyes seemed to be full of curiosity, and I had a bad feeling.
ãUmm, are you the roommate of the catâs pencil case?ã
The gift I received from Miyagi at Christmas comes out of KikyÅ-chanâs mouth.
Her shining eyes continue to be fixed on Miyagi.
Miyagi, who is at the other end of the line of sight, says nothing.
The only thing that comes through is an air of discomfort.
Miyagi is impulsive, but that is only to me. I know that she has common sense in dealing with others, and even now I know that there is no way she would be insane. Yet my chest is still creeping and I feel suffocated, as if my airway is being tightened with a wire.
ãYes, sheâs my roommate. We just had a meal together.ã
When I answered in the lightest tone possible and smiled at KikyÅ-chan, Miyagi looked at me as if she was trying to say something. But without saying anything to me, she turned to KikyÅ-chan and let out a voice, neither small nor loud.
ãHello.ã
Not that I expected a fight to start, but I am relieved that she greeted her without incident.
ãNice to meet you. Iâm Hanamaki.ã
KikyÅ-chanâs voice is a little higher than usual.
ãIâm Miyagi.ã
Her voice sounds the same as usual.
When I look at Miyagi, she looks neither in a good nor a bad mood. Iâm curious what sheâs thinking, but I canât ask her now, and I know she wonât answer if I ask her later.
ãI wanted to meet you once, so it was nice to meet you.ã
Miyagi smiled vaguely at the sound of KikyÅ-chanâs voice.