ãIâm so stuffed.ã
I pat my stomach, which is stuffed with pasta.
There were more than three servings of pasta that Miyagi had boiled. We divided it evenly between us, but we were so full that there was no room for dessert.
ãYou should have left some.ã
Miyagi, who came to my room, says in a gruff voice.
I look at her sitting next to me and she looks unconcerned despite having eaten quite a lot.
ãItâs a waste of food.ã
ãThatâs better than eating too much and not being able to move. If youâre in pain, why donât you just lie down?ã
ãItâs not so bad that I canât move.ã
If I were asked to run a marathon now, I would refrain, but my stomach is not so heavy that I want to roll on the floor and sit still. There is enough room to sit with the bed on my back.
ãWhat movies will we watch? I donât care if itâs a movie, a drama or an anime.ã
After dinner, we watch a movie in my room.
I havenât forgotten the promise I made to Miyagi.
Of course, if she change her mind, I am willing to do something else.
ãMhmâã
Miyagi sounds lost as she holds her knees and wraps the strings of her hoodie around her fingers.
ãIs there anything you want to see?ã
I ask, and the strings around her fingers are untied. Miyagi looks at me, starts to say something, and then tugs on the strings of her hoodie to avert her gaze.
ãMiyagi.ã
ãHmmâ¦ã
Only a reply is heard, and then silence.
The strings of Miyagiâs parka hang slackly. Her hands are flat on the floor and her eyes are on the floor, not on me.
I donât know why, but something is wrong with Miyagi.
Perhaps it was a bad idea to mention Mioâs name earlier.
That story is true, but I feel like I made a mistake in timing.
ãIf thereâs nothing to watch, we can do something else.ã
I smiled at Miyagi, who is staring at the floor.
Naturally, she doesnât look at me. But I hear a muffled little voice.
ãGet the nail clippers out.ã
ãEh, nail clippers? Why?ã
I understand that she had come to the conclusion that we wonât watch a movie, but I donât understand why the word ânail clippersâ is mentioned.
ãIâll cut your nails.ã
ãNow?ã
ãIâm going to cut it now.ã
Miyagi asserts.
I donât understand why she said that, but itâs not something I would refuse to do if she asked me to get it out, so I get out my nail clippers.
ãI brought it, give me your hand.ã
With that, I grabbed Miyagiâs wrist and she turned her blatantly sullen face to me.
ãPut your hand out, Sendai-san.ã
ãWhy?ã
ãIâll cut your nails, Sendai-san.ã
ãâ¦Why?ã
There is no great point in cutting nails.
If people are alive, their nails grow, and when they grow, they cut them.
We want some length, but if it is too long, itâs difficult to do cooking, and live with. That is why we cut it. Thatâs all there is to it, and there is no deeper meaning.
I know that, but the situation of âMiyagi cutting my nailsâ makes me imagine things that I donât need to imagine.
ãYou cut my nails at New Yearâs, Sendai-san.ã
Miyagi says in a low voice.
ãI did cut it, butâ¦ã
I had an ulterior motive at that time.
I had in my mind the destination of the act of cutting my nails.
I wondered if Miyagi had even a shred of that kind of feeling.
ãâ¦This is my payback.ã
I hear a small voice, words disappear from between us, the weight of over-eaten pasta disappears from my stomach, and my near regret at mentioning Mioâs name disappears.
The sound of warm air being exhaled from the air conditioner, which is set to a higher temperature to match Miyagi, echoes in my ears.
The sound, which usually doesnât bother me, sounds unusually loud.
I am probably nervous.
The temperature in Miyagi is what would normally make me feel hot, but I donât even know how hot it is.
ãI donât think I need anything in return. Iâll cut your nails for you, Miyagi.ã
I put my hand on top of Miyagiâs hand, which is flat on the floor.
I wonât get my hopes up.
I know that, but I wish Miyagi was thinking the same thing I am right now.
ãYou donât have to cut them. Like I said before, I will cut your nails, Sendai-san.ã
Miyagi says in a low voice and grabs my overlapping hands.
ãAnd if I left you to your own devices, Iâm going to get deep fingernails, Miyagi.ã
ãI donât have deep fingernails.ã
When she said this in a disgruntled manner, Miyagi shows me her hand and I drop my gaze to her fingertips.
She certainly doesnât have deep fingernails.
They are neatly trimmed.
ãI know you didnât, but Miyagi, you looked like youâre terrible at cutting peopleâs nails, and Iâm scared.ã
I cut Miyagiâs nails at New Yearâs and found out.
Peopleâs nails canât be cut like my own.
ãItâs alright, give me your nail clippers.ã
ãâ¦Youâre definitely going to hurt me.ã
ãI wonât do it, so lend me.ã
ãMiyagi, youâre clumsy and really scary.ã
ãSendai-san, shut up. Stay silent and lend me your nail clippers.ã
I clutch the nail clippers in my hands.
I canât read her grumpy mood.
ãSendai-san.ã
Called to prompt me, I hand her the nail clippers in my hand.
Miyagi is not so dexterous as to communicate her desire to have sex with me via nail clippers. But, if she only listen to what she says, it seems to me that she wants to do that.
She stares at the nail clippers as if Miyagi is seeing them for the first time, then holds them up to my fingers. Then the thumbnail is clipped with a snap, snap. The index and middle fingers are also trimmed with a small, pleasant clacking sound.
I should be the only one who wants to do that kind of thing.
Watching the nails being trimmed, I was tempted to hope that Miyagi felt the same way as I did.
Snap.
The last nail is cut.
Without knowing how Miyagi felt, I realized that all of my nails had lost their white parts cleanly.
ãIâve got deep nails as expected.ã
I complain to Miyagi, who puts the nail clippers on the table.
Itâs not so much that it hurts, but it bothers me because Iâve never had my nails so short.
ãTheyâre not this deep, and even if they were, nails grow back quickly, so why not?ã
ãWell, thatâs true, butâ¦ã
I lift my gaze from my too-short nails and look at Miyagi.
I continue to kiss her ear and she presses her head against me.
I grab Miyagiâs wrist, bite her sweetly on the neck, and put my weight on her.
But Miyagi doesnât push me down. She calls me âSendai-san,â in a gruff voice, and pushes me on my stomach so that the pasta that had disappeared from my mind asserts its presence in my stomach.
ãMiyagi.ã
I whispered in her ear and stroked her waist. But she didnât seem to like that either, and pushed my stomach with more force than before.
ãWhy do you do this kind of thing, Sendai-san?ã
ãâ¦Youâre asking me out, arenât you?ã
ãNot like that. Get away from me.ã
She pushes me on the shoulder and I have no choice but to take a step away from her, about one Pen-chan who is not here.
ãSendai-san.ã
Miyagi calls me in a strong voice.
ãWhat?ã
ãâ¦I will do it.ã
I hear a word that can mean several things, but if it were said at this moment in this scene, it could only mean one thing.
ãââYou will do what?ã
ãWhat Sendai-san is thinking of doing. I wonât do it if you do, so tell me if itâs fine or not.ã
Miyagi, who told me to get away from her, grabs my clothes.
This is.
This is, what this is about.
ââSeriously?
ãDo you think you will say I donât want to, Miyagi?ã
I donât want to ask her straight out and have her tell me thatâs not what she meant, so I have to say it in a roundabout way.
ãI canât tell by the way you put it⦠to answer properly if I can or not.ã
Miyagiâs hand gripping my clothes is full of strength.
She pulls me tight, and the distance between us becomes half the distance between one Pen-chan.
ãI have one question before I answer. What does it mean to have my fingernails clipped?ã
ãIt doesnât have a meaning.ã
ãIt doesnât have a meaning⦠You know, usually in such cases, donât you cut the nails of the person who does the clipping?ã
ãâ¦I just wanted to touch it from me. I donât know about usual things or anything like that.ã
Something that I thought I had misheard came out of Miyagiâs mouth, and I tried to ask back, but before I could utter a word, she told me,ãMore importantly, whatâs your answer? If you donât want to, weâll watch a movie.ã
ãWeâre not going to get a movie in this situation.ã
ãThat doesnât make it clear.ã
ãI belong to you, Miyagi, so do whatever you want.ã
ãDo whatever I want?ã
ãDo I really need to say it properly?ã
ãYou have to⦠Sendai-san, you ask me before you do something like this.ã
Miyagi is trying to take the right steps and move on.
That seems to prove that Iâm better handled than a dog.
And it also seems to prove that Miyagi likes me.
I can only assume that sheâs thinking about my feelings and asking, when it would be easier to ignore my feelings and move on.
I look at Miyagi.
The hand that was holding my clothes leaves and her gaze is averted.
I hear her slurring, âEnough, no more movies,â and I know what sheâs going to say next. Miyagi is supposed to say, âIâm going back to my room,â and I want to stop her.
So.
I donât ask what I want to hear.
If I asked Miyagi to put her feelings into precise words right now, she would run away from me and I would run away from thinking about those feelings.
ãMiyagi.ã
I grab her arm to make sure she doesnât go anywhere.
ãIâm hoping for you to do it, Miyagi.ã
This is all I can say right now, and thatâs why I want to make sure she hear me properly and clearly.
I told Miyagi and kissed her fingertips.