I went to bed without an alarm.
But I woke up a little after six oâclock, early for a Sunday morning.
ãâ¦Sleepy.ã
I pull the stuffed black cat lying next to my pillow under the covers and place it on my chest. I pet its head and close my eyes.
They slept properly at night.
But I didnât slept well, and I woke up very early in the morning.
I have been like this since I came here, and my head is not clear.
Itâs all Sendai-sanâs fault.
I wish I could have said that, but I think the cause is me.
I am not used to having people in my house all the time.
When I wake up in the morning, Sendai-san is there, and when I come home from college, she is there. She is there even on my days off. It was normal for no one to be home, so this new house, with its constant presence of people, made me feel uncomfortable, as if I were in someone elseâs home. Still, I feel like I sleep better when I am near something I brought from my previous room, and I have kept a black cat by my bedside since I arrived here.
I exhale loudly and open my eyes.
On the floor is an alligator with a tissue growing out of its back.
Itâs a small thing, but when something is where it should be, I feel like this is where I belong.
I hope this room will become my room soon.
I get up lazily and open the closet.
I always get lost in the morning.
I donât know whether I should leave this room in my sweatshirt, or whether I should change first. Before I came here, I used to wake up in the morning and eat my meals and brush my teeth in my sweatshirt. But now that Sendai-san is here, Iâm not comfortable wandering around in a sweatshirt instead of pajamas.
Perhaps Sendai-san is still sleeping.
What should I doâ¦
After thinking for a moment, I pull out a cut-and-sew and a pair of denim pants and change. As I was leaving the room, I picked up the black cat on the bed.
Donât enter the room without permission.
Although those are the rules, Sendai-san sometimes breaks the rules.
I put the black cat on the bookshelf, just in case something happens. I donât mind having a stuffed animal anywhere, but I donât like the idea that Sendai-san might say something if he finds out that I have a black cat under my pillow.
A black cat moved out of position.
An alligator on the floor.
A well-appointed bed.
After checking, I leave the room.
There is no sign of Sendai-san in the dining room and kitchen, which are used for common use.
When I returned after brushing my teeth and washing my face, Sendai-san was not there. I open the refrigerator and take out the orange juice. Pour it into a glass and look on the table.
One bag of leftover bread.
I sit down in my chair and place my glass next to the bag.
I didnât know what Sendai-san liked, so I chose this and that, and the amount of food became too much for a dinner for two. I donât mind eating bread, but I think I bought too much.
ãMorning.ã
Sendai-san, who seems to have just woken up, comes into view with a voice.
ãMorning.ã
ãIâm gonna go wash my face.ã
Saying sleepily, Sendai-san disappears into the washroom.
I take a sip of orange juice.
The time is not moving very fast.
A minute is long, like when I was in a boring class. I would not be able to sleep if I went to bed again, but there is nothing to do here. I drink a glass of orange juice, wondering if I should go back to my room. As I look at the glass, not even half empty, I hear Sendai-sanâs voice.
ãIs this okay in the morning?ã
I turned my head toward the voice and saw Sendai-san lifting up a bag of bread while looking at the glass, not at me.
ãItâs fine.ã
ãBut still, Miyagi, arenât you getting up early?ã
ãEven Sendai-san woke up early, arenât you?ã
ãI just woke up.ã
Wearing a large sweatshirt and denim shorts that looked like loungewear, she said this and sat down on a chair with a big stretch. My gaze is fixed on my glass and I have no choice but to ask.
ãDo you want it?ã
ãI just want a sip.ã
ãWell, drink it then.ã
I handed the glass to Sendai-san without hearing her reply. Without looking at me, she said,ãThanks,ãand took a sip of the orange juice she was about to drink. Then, as she said, took a sip and put the glass back on the table.
There are times in the morning when I donât see eye to eye with Sendai-san like this.
Maybe itâs my imagination, or maybe itâs just Sendai-sanâs sleepy and fuzzy mind, but I donât feel very good about it. At times like this, I can hear my bones creaking deep inside my body.
ãDrink all of it, Sendai-san.ã
ãI donât want it anymore.ã
ãWhat about the rest?ã
ãMiyagi should drink it.ã
The conversation continues somewhat, though not as usual.
Perhaps it is thanks to the rules we set yesterday.
It will take some time for Sendai-san to fit into my life, but it is much better than before. But I donât think the conversation is going to continue, and I mention how we can kill time without conversation before there is a blank period of time.
ãIâll have breakfast. What about Sendai-san?ã
When I declared, Sendai-san stands up.
ãIâll eat. Iâll give you some orange juice. Miyagi, do you want some more?ã
ãI donât need it. Also, I donât need a plate.ã
ãWhy?ã
ãYouâll have more dishes to wash.ã
ãWell, thatâs true butâ¦ã
I hear a disgruntled voice, and after a while Sendai-san returns with one of the glasses filled with orange juice.
ãSendai-san, choose first.ã
ãI chose first yesterday, and if Miyagi choose from me.ã
ãIâll just take the leftovers.ã
I push the bag containing the bread toward Sendai-san, who is sitting in the chair. The bag moves across the table and stops. She takes the red bean butter sandwich and walnut bread out of the bag. She then returns the lighter bag to me.
ãItadakimasu.ã
Saying so, Sendai-san bites a piece of walnut bread. I say Iâll take it as well, then take out the cream bun.
Since my mother disappeared, I have spent more time alone. Now Sendai-san has been with me longer than anyone else.
ââEven though I didnât pay 5,000 yen.
I know that we donât need the five thousand yen between us as roommates.
I bite into a cream bun and look at Sendai-san.
Our relationship is different now.
I understand that.
Sendai-san prepared a relationship with me as a roommate, and I accepted it. But even now, in our new relationship, I am still wondering why Sendai-san was listening to my orders for 5,000 yen that she did not even use.
For me, the 5,000 yen was necessary to keep Sendai-san at hand, and I could not afford to lose it. For Sendai-san, the 5,000 yen had to be a reward for taking orders. Itâs not something you can save without spending.
If she spend it like that, it seems like Iâm worth something other than 5,000 yen. Itâs not supposed to be that way, but it is.
She wanted to kiss me and touch me, and I sometimes wondered if she just wanted to do those things. But I am not worth that much. To begin with, Sendai-san should have no trouble finding a partner, male or female. Even in high school, I have heard rumors several times that Sendai-san confessed their love for her. Iâve had confirmation from her, so Iâm sure sheâs popular in her own right.
Even without the 5,000 yen, did Sendai-san spend the same time with me?
She let me give her an order.
I donât know now.
However, even now that the 5,000 yen is gone, Sendai-san is still by my side.
When I start to think about why, my mind starts to buzz and I canât calm down. But I feel that if I ask her why, it will change our current relationship again.
Since we chose to continue instead of ending it, we need the relationship of being roommates to continue.
ãMiyagi. If it doesnât taste good, I can switch it with this one.ã
Sendai-san picks up a an-butter sandwich. (TN : sandwich with anko bean plus butter filling)
I bite into the cream bun, which I havenât even eaten half of.
ãItâs alright. I was just sleepy and spaced out.ã
ãDo you want to eat lunch outside?ã
With that, Sendai-san flattens the rest of the walnut bread in one bite.
ãThatâs fine. After we eat this, Iâll be in my room until itâs time to go.ã
ãOkay.ã
We eat bread while chatting about trivial things. We have nothing in common to begin with. But up until now, I didnât mind the breaks in conversation. Since I came here, the silence has been heavy. I manage to connect with the conversation, looking for a topic of conversation, and push all the remaining orange juice and bread into my stomach.
ãWhat time do we go out?ã
ãWeâre going to be hungry at 12:00, so letâs do it around 11:00.ã
ãThen, itâs 11:00.ã
I said this to Sendai-san and returned to my room.
I pass the time by lying on my bed and reading manga.
Itâs uncomfortable, but I cannot leave the room.
If I go out to the common space, it will be even more uncomfortable.
If I stay in my room, thinking only of consuming time, the time of our appointment is nearing.
I open my closet and look at my spring-colored skirt.
I pick it up and take it out, having never worn it since I bought it after graduation.
I put them on the bed and think.
If I wear this skirt out of my room, people will think I wore it because Sendai-san told me to. It would be as if I happened to see a skirt in the closet and just happened to put it on for Sendai-san.
I put the skirt back in the closet and take out the knitwear.
I put it on over my cut and sew and leave the room.
ãReady to go?ã
Sendai-san, who seems to have been waiting for me, calls out to me and I replied,ãItâs done.ãHer large sweatshirt has been replaced by a blouse.
ãThen, shall we go?ã
Sendai-san does not say anything even if I was not wearing a skirt.
I know that yesterdayâs words were whimsical. Words like that just kind of slipped out of her mouth, and she doesnât really want to see me in a skirt.
Sendai-san walks out with her bag.
I followed her out the front door.