Going to college.
Sendai-san had said so even before the summer vacation, and I knew without asking that the university would be out of the prefecture.
I just heard what I expected to hear.
I was just a little shocked.
To put it correctly, I just heard what I expected to hear, but I am shocked at myself for thinking about it all the time.
Sendai-sanâs reasons for wanting to go out of the prefecture can be inferred from what I saw at her house during the summer vacation.
She want to get out of that house.
I think thatâs about it.
If this reason is correct, I cannot change Sendai-sanâs course of action.
Wrong.
Thatâs not it.
I am not trying to change Sendai-sanâs path, and there is no point in changing it. Our relationship ends there after high school graduation. In the first place, her career path is hers to decide, not mine to meddle with.
I know this, but I have been stuck since Sendai-san left. Iâm still sitting where she was sitting.
We didnât eat dinner together, so we havenât eaten yet.
But Iâm not hungry.
I get up sluggishly and head for the bathroom with a change of clothes. I feel like Iâm going to think about unnecessary things when Iâm leisurely soaking in the hot water, so I take a shower and lie down on my bed.
If I keep going, I will pass the school of my choice. Itâs not enough to go to the same university as Sendai-san, but it doesnât matter because my goal is not to go to a good university.
Generally speaking, Sendai-san talks too much about me.
She does not even know my exact grades, yet she says random things about going to the same university. If I told her I wanted to go to a university outside of the prefecture, my father would say it was a good idea, but with my current grades, the same university would be absolutely impossible. Even taking into account what we both studied during the summer vacation, it would be difficult. Iâm sure that if I saw the results of the upcoming mid-term test, even Sendai-san will say itâs impossible.
It would be a waste of time to apply to a university that I have no chance of getting into.
ãAhâ I donât know why I take this stuff so seriously.ã
I roll over and turn off the light.
Dad doesnât come home.
It is a little disconcerting to think that all the lights in the house are off, not just in this room.
ãItâs okay.ã
Iâm not afraid.
I mutter in my mind and close my eyes.
Perhaps it is because it is earlier than my usual bedtime, but I am not sleepy at all. Still, I close my eyes tightly.
One sheep, two sheep.
I resort to the classic method of counting sheep, but no sleep comes. In the end, morning came without a good nightâs sleep so much as a doze, and I had no choice but to go to school.
When I enter the classroom, my sleep-deprived head is still not clear.
After an hour or two of class, my mind is still foggy. I donât remember what the teacher was talking about. The next thing I know, itâs my third break and Iâm approached by Maika.
ãShiori, letâs go.ã
ã?ã
ãNext was the audiovisual roomã
ãAh, yeah.ã
I hurriedly pull out my textbook and notebook and stand up. Before I can check to make sure I havenât forgotten anything, Ami grabs me by the arm. Then, she drags me out of the classroom and down the hallway.
I am not the type of person who goes to bed early or gets up early, but I am the type of person who naturally falls asleep at a reasonable hour. So itâs not often that I canât sleep and Iâm so sleep-deprived that Iâm in a daze that my mornings are destroyed.
Itâs Sendai-samâs fault that I am so unshakable.
She says things that determine peopleâs career paths, and Iâm so sleepy I canât even take my classes properly.
It really pisses me off.
When I step forward vigorously with a feeling of anger, the hallway rings with a thump. The sound made my fuzzy head a little clearer, and I heard Amiâs voice as I stepped briskly down the hallway once more.
ãShiori, front, your front!ã
ãMy front?ã
ãHere.ã
Maika pulls me by the arm.
My body leans a little and my consciousness, which had been at my feet, moves forward.
My eyes met Sendai-san.
ââEh, Sendai-san?
Why?
No, itâs not that crazy.
Since I am at school, it is not strange that I met with Sendai-san. But I have never seen eye to eye with her at school until now.
I was surprised that something natural and something not natural happened at the same time, and before I knew it, I bumped shoulders with Sendai-san, who was diagonally in front of me.
ãWah!ã
It was not a graze, but a pain caused by a shoulder-to-shoulder contact. I was unable to support myself as I lean back, pulled by Maika, and voices that I was about to fall.
ãShiori, are you okay?ã
Maika asks while supporting me as I stumble.
ãIâm okay.ã
I answer with a stance.
When I return my gaze from Sendai-san to her, I see Ibaraki-san and her friend in the reflection with her.
ãHazuki, are you okay.ã
ãYeah.ã
I canât take my eyes off Ibaraki-san, who is having the same conversation that Maika and I did.
ââSendai-sanâs place is next to mine.
As I was trying to dismiss such a line in my head, I heard a familiar voice say,ãIâm sorry.ã
ãIt was all right.ã
Sendai-san stares at me with a distant voice.
I canât get familiar with her.
I know that, but I am not good at this kind of her.
I remove my gaze from Sendai-san.
ãâ¦Itâs okay. Iâm sorry, too. I was in a daze.ã
If one ask who is to blame, me or Sendai-san, it must be me.
I was looking ahead, but I was not looking back.
Both Maika and Ami had told me that it would be dangerous if I continued walking, but I was too dazed to notice. If I trace the reason for this, I can get to Sendai-san, but I canât say that here.
ãAre you okay?ã
Somehow I couldnât call herãSendai-san,ãso Iâm going to say a word that has been flung around many times in this place.
ãIâm fine. Iâll pick it up.ã
Saying this, Sendai-san picked up a textbook that had fallen into the hallway. I looked at it and finally realized that I had neither a textbook nor a notebook.
ãSorry. Iâll pick it up myself.ã
I squatted down and picked up the notebook. Then, as I reached for the pen case, Sendai-san grabbed me by the wrist.
ãLet me pick it.ã
Sendai-san says in a calm tone.
She doesnât let go of the wrist she has grabbed.
She grabs me so hard that it hurts.
ãIâll pick it up myself.ã
If this were my room, I would just strongly tell her to let me go. But this is school and I choose to be gentle and tell her to get her hands off me.
ãAh, sorry.ã
The hand that was gripping my wrist so tightly leaves.
ãIs this all of it?ã
Sendai-san asks as she hands me a textbook she was carrying.
ãYeah, all of it. Thank you.ã
ãDonât mind it.ã
After smiling like a well-made doll, Sendai-san starts to walk away. She quickly disappears from my presence, and the only sound I hear is Ibaraki-sanâs voice echoing down the hallway.
I slam my textbooks and notebooks. In addition, I tap the pen case and says to Maika and Ami,ãLetâs go.ã
ãââWhat have you done to Sendai-san?ã
Maika taps me on the shoulder and gives me a curious look.
ãWhat do you mean?ã
ãShe was looking at Shiori and grabbing your arm. Didnât you do something?ã
ãIt didnât hurt. I hit it pretty hard.ã
I donât think it was seen that much.
But the wrist that was grabbed was painful.
I donât know why Sendai-san did what she did.
I look at the wrist that was grabbed.
Nothing has changed since before I bumped into Sendai-san.
I sighed, wishing there was something left in me that would not disappear.