I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

“Huh… Where are we?” Manasye asked, feeling odd.
He remembered falling asleep in his bed after tossing and turning, anxious about what was to come. Then, the next moment he realized it, he found himself in a strange place.
Manasye struggled to distinguish between the two—until he noticed Fenrir approaching from behind.
“Fenrir! This is…?”
Manasye turned around to take in the unfamiliar surroundings. The ground was barren. They were surrounded by plants, but they were all withered or dead. The sky was dark, shrouded in a gloomy, death-like aura.
“We’re inside Eneida’s dream now.”
“Huh? It’s this dark and sad…” Manasye tightened his grip over his chest.
He felt saddened that his friend was having such a dark and eerie dream.
Was it because they tried talking to her about the incident that changed everything? Is that why she’s having a nightmare tonight?
He remembered how she used to suffer from nightmares in the beginning.
A pang of guilt hit him—knowing it was because of them that she was having yet another one.
“Don’t feel so guilty. She needs to face this uneasiness before she can overcome it,” Fenrir said, as if he could read Manasye’s thoughts.
“Y-yes… So, where do we go now?”
“Look at the insignia inscribed on your hand. It will guide you.”
“Huh?” Manasye looked at his left hand and saw a glowing, wolf-like insignia.
It hadn’t been there before, but he recalled that before they entered Eneida’s dream, Fenrir had done something to his hand—more precisely, his left hand.
A moment of mysterious magic had enveloped it before vanishing without a trace, leaving behind only a lingering warmth.
He didn’t expect that it would manifest in the dream world as this insignia.
“It’s my skill. It allows someone other than my contractor to enter another person’s dream world with me,” Fenrir explained.
It was a skill he rarely used—one that required the contractor’s approval before activation.
“I can’t guarantee your safety if you’re too far from me here, since we’re not bound by a contract. So make sure not to stray,” Fenrir warned.
Manasye gulped and nodded.
But how was he supposed to navigate? How was he supposed to read the insignia?
He wondered as he focused on his hand. He waved it in every direction and discovered that the insignia’s glow dimmed in some directions, stayed the same in others, and grew brighter in one.
Manasye intuitively understood. He began walking, with Fenrir at his side.
He kept following the glowing direction until they reached a dead end in the forest—and found Eneida curled up on the ground. A dark storm whirled around her.
“Eneida…” Manasye called softly.
“Don’t come closer!” Eneida warned.
“Go away, now!” she shouted.
“Fenrir, this is…?”
“This isn’t the Eneida you know. It’s an avatar of her consciousness—and it’s rejecting our approach.”
“What do we do, then?”
“We need to convince her that it’s okay to let us in. Don’t worry—you’ll be safe as long as you’re near me. Let’s keep going.”
Manasye wasn’t entirely sure what counted as ‘safe’, but he chose to believe in Fenrir and walked alongside him.
As they approached, Eneida shouted, “I said,
!”
With that, a gust of dark wind swept past them. Manasye felt the ominous storm graze his cheek—it was hot and pain entered his sensation for a moment before it vanished as if it had never been.
“Fenrir…?”
Manasye realized that Eneida—or rather, the avatar of her consciousness—had tried to attack him to prevent his advance, but Fenrir’s presence had protected him somehow.
“No, don’t… You’ll get hurt…” Eneida cried.
“Eneida, I’m fine! See? I’m not hurt!” Manasye quickly reassured her.
“But… but… how come?” Eneida looked stunned to see Manasye unharmed.
Then, as if the storm had a will of its own, it continued to attack Manasye and Fenrir. Each assault was either deflected, absorbed by Fenrir’s barrier, or left only minor injuries that quickly healed. Manasye felt fleeting pain with each hit, but he endured it as he pressed forward against the raging winds.
“Why… why?” Eneida asked through tears.
“I want to help you, Eneida,” Manasye said firmly.
“But… what if what you find inside isn’t something good? What if you end up hating me?” Eneida asked, her face full of despair.
“I won’t. No matter what, I won’t hate you. Don’t worry, Eneida,” Manasye said gently.
“No… No way that can happen! I don’t believe that!” Eneida suddenly grew angry, and the storm intensified. The wind became so strong it nearly knocked Manasye over. He was stunned, but the moment only fueled his resolve.
Manasye suddenly rushed toward Eneida with all his might.
He didn’t care about the storm’s harsh winds, the damage he sustained, or the pain he felt. He pressed on until he was finally able to grasp Eneida’s hand.
“Ah… Aaah!!” Eneida cried out, hysterical—perhaps afraid of hurting Manasye with her powers.
Thankfully, Fenrir quickly followed and, with a flick of his power, healed Manasye’s wounds at an incredible pace. The pain vanished instantly.
“Wow… I can finally hold your hands like this… even if it’s just in this dream,” Manasye said, tearing up as he smiled warmly and clasped Eneida’s hands tightly.
“...??!” Eneida was confused and speechless.
Meanwhile, Fenrir was impressed by Manasye’s courage—or perhaps his unwavering determination to save Eneida. He hadn’t yet told him that Eneida’s curse, the one that sapped life force, might not be effective in this place thanks to Fenrir’s control over her dream and consciousness. That was also why he could quickly heal the wounds Manasye sustained due to the attacks in this dreamscape.
Yet, even without knowing that, Manasye didn’t hesitate to approach her. Was it his intuition, his quick wit, or just blind determination that made him believe he’d be fine as long as Fenrir was with him?
Still, it had been reckless of Manasye to rush toward Eneida without letting Fenrir prepare.
Even so, Fenrir didn’t scold him—because he could see how effective Manasye’s actions were.
The dark storm around them gradually dispersed, leaving behind only a gentle breeze.
“Eneida, I would love nothing more than to hold your hand like this in the real world. So… it’s okay. Let me help you,” Manasye said as he softly pressed her cold hands to his cheek.
“Aah…” Eneida wept.
“Why? Aren’t you afraid? I am like
… I’m a monster... so why?” Eneida sobbed, voice shaking.
“I meant it, Eneida,” Manasye said softly. “No matter what, I can accept you. I have my own darkness, too—parts of me I don’t want anyone to see. But… if the time comes and the only way to save me is for you to see it, then I’ll entrust that to you.”
“But… if you find out about me… you’ll hate me for sure,” she whispered.
Manasye’s expression clouded with sadness. “Eneida… don’t decide that for me. You’re assuming how I’ll feel—assuming I’ll hate you. But those are my feelings to choose. Not yours.”
“...!”
“Manasye’s right,” Fenrir added quietly. “It’s dangerous to assume how others feel, Eneida. Even if you’ve been hurt before, Manasye isn’t them. You can’t use the past to predict someone’s heart before they’ve even spoken.”
He had seen too many people who closed themselves off with their own beliefs about others—people who refused to listen, convinced that only their view mattered, only their view was real, no matter what. That kind of thinking twisted the heart, made it rigid with prejudice. Ugly, in its own way.
Eneida wasn’t like that. Not yet. But if this fear kept growing unchecked, Fenrir feared it might harden into something more harmful.
Even pain doesn’t excuse the harm we might cause when we stop listening.
“But… it’s scary… if… if he ends up…” Eneida’s voice cracked, her words trailing off in sobs.
Fenrir understood. Maybe it felt safer for her to assume the worst, to protect herself before the truth could hurt her. If she pushed Manasye away now, it would hurt—but it would be a pain she chose. A wound she could control. Not one from being rejected by someone she dared to trust.
He let out a quiet sigh.
“Eneida, I know you,” Manasye said gently. “You’re not someone born evil. You prioritize others too much, if anything—so much that it hurts you. That kind of kindness… how could I ever hate you for it?”
He reached out, offering his hand.
“Let me help you. I won’t abandon you. Whatever it is you’re afraid of… I promise, I’ll talk it out with you before I even
of turning away.”
“Really…?” Eneida’s voice trembled, disbelief and longing tangled in her eyes.
“Yeah. Pinkie promise,” he said with a boyish grin, holding out his smallest finger.
She blinked, momentarily dazed. But the warmth in his smile, so bright and unwavering, seemed to melt the fear from her heart. Slowly, shyly, she hooked her pinkie with his.
“…It’s a promise, then,” she whispered through her tears—and for the first time in what felt like forever, a fragile smile bloomed on her face.
But before they could speak again, the world around them began to crack like shattered glass.
“W-what’s happening?” Manasye gasped, staggering as tremors coursed through the space they were in.
The scenery buckled. The cracks split not only the ground, but also the sky, as this ‘world’ began disintegrating. The next moment he noticed, ‘Eneida’ had vanished from his side without a trace.
Floating in the disintegrating world, Fenrir just calmly let things be as he floated around the empty space, his voice calm and steady.
“Congratulations,” he said. “We’ve been granted entry into her deeper consciousness. She trusts us. Soon, we’ll begin to see her memories.”
Manasye’s heart raced as his mind protested.
The ground beneath Manasye finally collapsed completely. With nothing to hold onto, he flailed instinctively, arms reaching out as if they could help him swim through the air, through the abyss.
Of course, it was futile since without even doing anything, they would be sustained in the air, just look at Fenrir who didn’t do anything and simply let things be.
And then—
“Don’t forget our promise.”
The voice came not from beside him, but
him—Eneida’s voice, clear and soft, as if whispering to his mind.
He looked up.
She was there, floating above in a gentle radiance, smiling. Light poured from behind her like the first dawn after endless nights.
Manasye squinted as the glow grew brighter—so blinding that he had to shut his eyes.
And when he opened them again—
He was somewhere else.
He found himself in the place that he had once seen. It seemed familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. And he was floating above the scene that was unfolding…