I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

Those were the thoughts I had whenever I saw my past acquaintances and whenever I was mulling over my past life.
It was really such a pity that I couldn’t find out how my future as Reinst would be.
But never have I thought that I would learn about it in this way.
In what way, if you might ask?
Even I wasn’t sure. This was like a dream, yet it felt so real.
A dream…
Right, I gotta open my eyes.
I had to open my eyes and get rid of this bad dream…!
For some reason, my eyelids felt so heavy as I slowly opened them.
And what greeted me was an unfamiliar scenery.
The first thing that came to my view was the top of the canopy, before I saw the high and unfamiliar ceiling. The light that came from the chandelier almost blinded me.
Wait, canopy, high ceiling, and chandelier?
As confusion took over my mind, someone quickly came beside me.
“Reinst-sama, you’ve woken up!”
A foreboding sensation washed over my body. I was somehow
of such a line…
For you see, nothing
came following that line.
“…How long have I been asleep?” I asked as I positioned myself on the bed so I was sitting instead of lying down.
“You have been asleep for three days.”
I touched my head in confusion.
“Your Highness…!”
Please, give me a break. My thought process couldn’t be stimulated like this. I couldn’t make sense of what was happening…!!
“Is something the matter, your Highness?”
…
I shifted my hand away from my head as I slowly turned at the source of voice in horror.
Much to my horror, the said maid was looking at me with a concerned face.
“What did you just say?” I asked with a shaking voice.
“Your Highness, what’s the matter?” The maid asked…me.
“What did you just address me?” I asked again, still in denial.
“Your Highness, my queen, what’s the matter?” The maid was looking really concerned now.
Cold sweat broke out from my body.
“Bring me a mirror!” I said with a sense of urgency.
Though the maid didn’t understand why, she still quickly handed me a small mirror.
I trembled as I grabbed the small mirror in my hands. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked at what was reflected in the mirror and…
My hands dropped the small mirror to the bed.
What was reflected there wasn’t my own face I was familiar with—neither as Reinst nor Lyra.
The face I saw was that of a noble lady. My facial features were more refined than what I last remembered it. My brown hair was still short, and my amber eyes were still the same…
Sure, I was still Reinst, but what was reflected there was a face of someone old—I reckon I was in my late twenties or early thirty…?
This…wasn’t a simple ‘sleeping for three days’! Even if I really slept for three days as Reinst, I would still be fourteen years old! Yet, when I opened my eyes, I seemed to have become twice my age that I last remembered?! This didn’t make any sense!!
“Milady, what’s the matter?” The unfamiliar maid asked again.
“…I…,” I turned to look at her, uncertainty in my heart.
“…?”
As the maid looked at me again, I became certain of what I should do.
“What year is it?” I asked.
“It’s Year 980, your Majesty.”
“………………………………..”
I did a mental count right away.
Year 980… I—Lyra was born in year 970. And as for me—as for Reinst…I would be thirty years old this year.
“I am the queen?” I asked for a confirmation.
“Your highness, what are you talking about, of course…,” the maid started to become frightened.
“…Sorry, to be honest, I have no recollection of anything that’s happened after I turn fourteen,” I decided to cut the chase and explain right away.
“What?! How can that be…!” The maid was blown away.
“Sorry, but that’s the truth.”
“…I have to report this to his Highness…,” The maid muttered.
I nodded.
My last recollection was my lamentation of how the future had changed with the nonexistence of Shaula. And how…Luca and Leticia would never come to this world.
This future…is wrong. No matter what.
Unacceptable…
As my surrounding turned chaotic, with the maid coming in and out and there was also a doctor who arrived to take a look at me…
Suddenly, a person bolted to my side.
“Mother!”
A clear alto voice resounded so pleasantly to my ears as I felt a small figure hugging me.
I was shaken to the core when this all happened. Time seemed to have slowed down the moment this figure appeared.
After he buried himself in my arms for a while, he let go of me and only then could I see him clearly.
He seemed to be around ten years old—the age Luca and I—Lyra should be if we were there.
Green eyes just like Titus-sama and…Luca and Leticia.
However, his hair was short brown. Just like my hair.
Looking at his concerned face, it was obvious that he was…No way…My and Titus’ son…?!
Though I wanted to deny it, an unknown feeling welled up in my heart when I saw him. This was a kind of feeling I could never describe.
“Trevant-sama! Please wait for a little bit, the queen is still being examined!” A maid said.
“…Trevant…,” I muttered his name before saying, “It’s fine, let him be.”
“But, milady…,” the maid hesitated.
At that time, it escaped my mind that he shouldn’t be here to listen to how his mother didn’t remember anything in the past sixteen years. His concerned face was engraved deep in my mind and I somehow felt like I shouldn’t chase him away. No, I couldn’t bring the heart to do so.
“She seems to be fine aside from the minor injuries she suffered. But her Highness, are you sure you don’t remember…?” The doctor cautiously asked me.
“No, doctor, I can’t remember anything…”
“Mother, what do you mean?”
Trevant seemed to be a sharp one as he immediately could tell that something was off.
“Trevant-sama, please step outside for a while. We will explain to you later,” a maid said as she wanted to usher Trevant out.
“No! I’m not a child anymore. Mother’s injuries were partly caused by me, so I am someone who should know what’s going on!”
“Prince Trevant, but that is—” The maid wasn’t finished talking when another voice cut her off.
“What’s the matter?”
This time, it was a familiar low voice.
Sure enough, when I turned around, I saw the familiar adult figure of Titus.
He was more or less the same with the adult Titus I came to know, although there was some slight differences I couldn’t really tell.
“Your Majesty! This--,” the maid stuttered.
“Father! You’ve come! Mother has awakened!” Trevant reached out to Titus happily.
Yep, it just confirmed that he was indeed my and Titus’ son.
I could never view Titus as my suitor after what I experienced as Lyra. But now I was thrown into this position? Just what kind of madness was this???
“You’ve awakened. Are you alright?” Titus sat down next to me and asked.
“…More or less.”
The words that I wanted to say didn’t come out.
“Your Majesty, Reinst-sama just said that she…,” the maid stuttered as she looked at me and then at Trevant in hesitation.
“I don’t remember anything past the age of 14,” I decided to take her job of explaining.
“Eh?” Titus and Trevant both said at the same time.
I turned to look at Titus first. His face clearly showed that he didn’t believe what he just heard. Meanwhile, when I turned at Trevant with a heavy heart, I saw that he was in a deeper disbelief than his father.
“Mother, past the age of 14…Does that mean you don’t remember me…?” He asked with a horrified expression.
I didn’t have the heart to answer him truthfully, but this kid was a sharp one, he definitely won’t buy my lies. I could only nod, and then I saw his look of despair that broke my heart.
“…Fourteen…You don’t remember anything about our engagement at all, then?” Titus quickly deduced.
I nodded again.
"...This is indeed troublesome," Titus sighed as he touched his forehead.
“…Can you explain to me first about what happened to me?” I asked.
“It’s a long story…In short, you were injured in a battle and were asleep for three days,” Titus seemed to be thinking on how he should tell me the whole chronology.
“You were injured protecting me, Mother…It’s my fault…,” Trevant said with a trembling voice.
“No, while I don’t remember anything, I’m sure it’s not your fault,” I said before he could dive into a self-blame session.
“Mother…,” Trevant turned to look at me as he seemed to be holding back his tears.
“…Sorry, I don’t know what happened to me, too,” I smiled bitterly.
“It’s okay. I will have to fill in the hole in your memories, but it’s already late at night and you just recovered. What about calling it a day for now and I will set aside some time to talk with you tomorrow?” Titus asked.
“Sure…Sorry for the trouble.”
“Well, what can we do about it? It’s not your fault too,” Titus reassured me.
After that, Titus took Trevant who was reluctant to part with me. Based on this alone, I could sense that Trevant and I—and this Reinst was pretty close. That was good.
They returned to their respective room, leaving me in my own bedroom. I was glad with this arrangement. I was totally nervous and wondering about how I should act should Titus and I were sleeping in the same room...So, I was really, really saved by this arrangement.
Which made me think. What about Titus and Shaula in the ‘real world’?
Yes—I refused to think that this was the reality. Let me think that I was only dreaming here, and I had to find a way out of this bad dream and back to my reality as Lyra.
Anyway, I wonder if Titus and Shaula had this arrangement, or were they sleeping in the same room because they were married for love?
My—Reinst’s parents had this same arrangement—husband and wife sleeping in their own rooms. Meanwhile, Lyra’s parents were sleeping in the same room. That was why I was wondering and putting a significance to a mere sleeping arrangement.
If my hypothesis was true, then it was most likely I—I meant, Reinst and Titus were married due to the arrangements and there were no romantic feelings between them. But from the looks of it, they were living quite harmoniously, which was a good thing.
As for my relationship with Trevant…It seemed to be good…
Ah, there is no use pondering over things.
Titus said he would fill the blanks for me tomorrow, so I could ask him bluntly there.
…And I definitely would have to talk with Trevant as well.
…I gotta hurry and find a way to be back as Lyra, but…should I also explore this ‘future’ I never saw as I was given the chance to do so, somehow?
‘Make the most of the day’ they said.
And although there were lots of confusion here, I knew I had to take one step at a time and do it slowly.
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