I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

“…,” Maiara looked stunned hearing my earnest request.
I was embarrassed after looking at her face.
But contrary to my expectations, what I heard from Maiara’s mouth was…
“Pfft…”
“…?!”
I quickly lifted my head that was hung down in embarrassment, but I couldn’t see Maiara’s face to confirm if my odd request just made her laugh or not.
The sound I heard was so small and fleeting, and I wanted to see how her face looked when she laughed, too!
“Apologies. Of course, you can,” Maiara agreed.
I was relieved.
Then, Maiara and I proceeded to process Clavis’ game.
“Maiara-san, you’re really skilled at this. I don’t know how you can remember all these steps and be adept at it,” I commented as I followed Maiara’s instructions.
“It’s something you can get used to. Muscle memories,” Maiara answered.
“You must have it pretty rough before, huh?” I thought of how many expeditions or camping that Maiara had to experience before becoming skilled at this.
“I don’t really remember those times vividly. Some were rough and tiring, and some were rough and fun.”
“Interesting…”
Thanks to the expert we had on our side, it didn’t take long for us to prepare the food the traditional way.
When we chomped on the food, we were surprised at the novelty of the taste. It was unlike other food we had eaten at home, or in the restaurants.
I honestly thought that food during camping wouldn’t taste as good, but the taste blew my expectations away!
Truthfully, the way Maiara seasoned and cooked the food seemed appetizing as well. So it wasn’t just its appearances.
“Delicious!”
“I was prepared to eat anything, but yeah, this is tasty!”
“Maiara-san, you’re an amazing cook!” I praised.
I thought we were going to have small talks while slowly enjoying the food, but turns out we ate quickly in silence.
The small talks happened after we were full.
We talked about how we had never really travelled this far and actually enjoyed the journey, despite the circumstances. Maiara understood the circumstances as going on an errand by Prince Manasye, but we all understood that the circumstances meant that we were here on a difficult rescue mission.
“You are all really young, then,” Maiara commented, “If only the prince were here, he would be very happy too like you guys.”
“Prince Manasye has never really travelled far away?” Ein asked.
“He has travelled with his family, but he has never been far away alone, unlike the princess.”
“How long have you been with the prince?” I asked, curious.
“Ever since he was born,” Maiara quickly answered.
“Ah, so you’re also his wetnurse,” Ein nodded in understanding.
“What are you doing before that?” Clavis asked.
“Me? Well, I’ve been working in the palace for as long as I can remember,” Maiara said.
“How old are you?” Carbuncle asked.
“Age isn’t something you should ask a lady, child,” Maiara answered.
“Hmmm…,” Carbuncle was unsatisfied, but she let it go.
She murmured that only I—who was sitting right next to her—could hear, “I am just wondering who is be older between us two.”
I was so used to being with Carbuncle and to her appearance that was tailored to be around the same age as us that I genuinely thought we were of the same age… like that’d happen, haha.
We didn’t talk for too long since we had to wake up before dawn, which meant we had to quickly sleep or we’d be too tired tomorrow.
Ein had opened up two camps, one for the girls, and another for the boys.
Maiara had said that she’d take watch the whole night because we were younger than her, but we disagreed. In the end, we agreed to take turn resting and being on watch duty.
One person was exempt from the watch duty, and it was decided via luck. Apparently, I was the one exempted from watch duty, so… hooray?
The first to take up the watch duty was Maiara.
Ein and Clavis took the camp to the right, while Carbuncle and I took the camp to the left.
“Hee, that Ein boy really didn’t use a much more advanced camping kit. He used the traditional tent, huh? It’s good that it’s not too cramped for us,” Carbuncle commented.
“Yeah, let’s sleep!” I said to Carbuncle after I prepared to sleep.
“G’night, Lyr,” Carbuncle said and quickly lied down to sleep.
I did the same thing.
However, I wasn’t sleeping.
I wanted to do something I was curious of, ever since hearing Eneida’s story. It wasn’t until just now I could try to do this, sadly.
I whispered in my mind, calling out to Fenrir.
Right.
It wasn’t until just before this expedition that I managed to put Fenrir’s mark on Eneida via her shadow.
Each time we met, we maintained quite a distance. Touching Eneida was out of question. I was about to give up on this idea, but luckily I got my chance today, although it was only brief.
Had I known we’d do this, I’d have put Fenrir’s mark on Eneida during our very first meeting.
[…I doubt we can succeed, but let’s try.]
‘
[Let’s just try. You will know later if we really can’t.]
Fenrir was being so mysterious that I was puzzled.
But soon, I got to know what he meant.
Upon wanting to enter Eneida’s dream, instead of being able to enter it and speak with her unconsciousness just like what I had done before, I saw tight locks in front of the ‘door’ to Eneida’s mind. There was a chain locking the door too.
“Why? What is this?” I asked, totally bewildered by this unexpected situation.
“Anima lock. There are individuals who are very resistant to my power. Very guarded,” Fenrir was standing right next to me as he answered. He didn’t seem surprised. It seemed like he had expected this to happen.
“Eneida… but why? Can we really not go through the locks and talk?” I asked Fenrir.
“There are two options. The first one is to try to get her open with us so these locks may disappear by that time,” Fenrir said.
“Uh, how to do that?” I asked, since Eneida had been telling us the same thing and didn’t seem to be willing to divulge more.
“For individuals like her, if we’re able to find out what it is she wants to hide, she might be able to not be so guarded anymore to us after that,” Fenrir said.
“Oh… That means we have to go through this mission, the hard way, huh?” I concluded.
“What about the second option? You said there are two options, right?” I turned to ask Fenrir when I recalled what he had told me before.
“Yes, the second option. We can also break the Anima lock by force, but it will scar her mentally,” Fenrir said as if it was just natural.
“…Let’s not do that,” I quickly rejected this second option.
“Fenrir, have you done something like that before to understand the effect?” I noticed another detail and asked Fenrir.
“I told you about how I decided to live in seclusion rather than encounter nasty partners who’d want to take advantage of my power to do nasty things, right?”
Instead of answering, Fenrir asked me another question.
I thought to myself for a bit.
“Sorry to hear that,” I quickly apologized to Fenrir for bringing up some bad memories.
“It’s alright. I know you won’t do that kind of thing, that’s why I chose you,” Fenrir said.
“Thanks, Fenrir,” I smiled as I hugged Fenrir.
“Now that it’s a failure, you should go to sleep,” Fenrir said to me.
Using Fenrir’s power in my dreams meant I wasn’t really asleep and resting, after all.
“I wish I could take you out so I can sleep cuddled up to you…,” I pouted.
“Not now, young girl,” Fenrir said.
“Don’t think of using your power. You are using it constantly and you need some rest too. Don’t add more burden to your shoulders,” Fenrir quickly guessed what I was thinking of and scolded me.
“Okaaa~y!” I said and proceeded to sleep.
But then, instead of drifting off to sleep, I was suddenly awoken instead since I had detected movements and sounds close to me.
“Ngh?” I slowly opened my eyes as I scanned my surroundings.
Then, I saw Carbuncle crouching, about to open the tent.
“Kuu? What are you doing?” I asked as I wiped my eyes, yawning.
“Can’t really sleep. I want to take my watch duty,” Carbuncle said as she left the tent.
“Be careful,” I said as I sat up, stretching.
Not too long after Carbuncle’s gone outside, the tent was opened one more time by Maiara.
“Did I wake you up?” Maiara asked me.
“No, I haven’t fallen asleep that deeply, so I woke up when Kuu-chan prepared to go outside.”
“I see. Then, let’s sleep some more,” Maiara said.
“Uh, Maiara-san, are you going to sleep like
?” I asked when I saw Maiara not really taking off any of her outfit, not even changing.
I meant, I was fine sleeping in the same clothes since I was using a comfortable clothes. But Maiara was covered from head to toe! Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable to sleep like that?
Maiara stopped and looked at me for a few seconds.
She seemed to be contemplating something.
I tilted my head in confusion, and at that time, I heard her heaving a sigh.
“Well, if Prince Manasye trusts you, I should trust you too,” Maiara said.
Before I could ask what she meant by that, she took off some of her outfit, like the veil and her long outerwear.
I gasped when I saw her skin.
It turned out that there was some kind of inscription-like tattoo all over her body. That included her face, that I could see clearly now.
Pale blonde hair that was as if the blonde color was fading…
Her youthful face seemed kind, her thin grey-colored pupils seemed like the color was washed off too, like it was fading…
“Are you surprised? Do I look like a ghost?” Maiara asked, with a bitter smile.
“N-no, I’m just surprised by your… tattoo?” I quickly answered.
“This… isn’t tattoo… It’s a mark, a form of an ancient curse put on me,” Maiara said bitterly.
“Curse…? How? Why?” I was surprised.
Then, a realization dawned on me.
Maiara shook her head, “I can’t remember when or how it was put on me, sadly. Nothing comes to mind until now. I think that’s the weakness of our race after living a long time. Memories of our early days on Sphaela started to be blurry. Or maybe it’s so traumatic that my mind erased memories of the curse.”
“Blurry memories…,” I muttered.
“Yeah. I only remember feeling frightened during a chaos. Maybe that’s when,” Maiara said.
“What does the curse do to you?” I asked.
“Hmm, this mark that frighten people, of course,” Maiara said bitterly.
“Oh…,” I finally understood why she didn’t really want to show her skin now.
“Then, I can’t really use my magic fully. I remember back then I could fight really well with it, but now…,” Maiara shook her head.
“But it’s fine! I am strong physically too, so I can protect everyone here,” Maiara quickly tried to comfort me.
“You’re strong, Maiara-san…,” I muttered.
Again, the sudden realization that I was too sheltered as Reinst and was ignorant of many things hit me.
“Strong? Not really. It’s not like my life underwent some drastic changes. I am still working in the castle as usual. I can use my magic just enough to defend myself and enhance my weapons. Besides, I am also trained in physical combat. So, I’m quite alright even if I can’t be cured of this,” Maiara shrugged.
“But the prince surely wants you to be free of the curse, right?” I asked.
“How do you kno—Ah, never mind. Of course you can guess that. It’s true. But mine is nothing compared to Eneida’s. I can adapt. Eneida…? That poor girl…,” Maiara lamented.
“Yeah…,” I also hung my head down.
Then, I suddenly recalled something.
“Is it alright for me to know this?”
“It’s fine. Like I said, the prince trusts you. And even if words were to get out of my condition, I don’t mind as it won’t change anything.”
“Won’t you be ostracized by others?”
“I don’t need the affection of people who will ostracize someone based on something they have no control over,” Maiara said with a determined expression.
“I’m glad you aren’t frightened of me. I’ll be troubled if that were to happen,” Maiara suddenly said to me.
“Oh? Ah! I—”
“I know from the way you all treated Eneida. That’s why I chose to tell my condition to you,” Maiara cut off my words as I tried to find the right words to explain my stance and feelings.
“Now, shall we sleep?” Maiara smiled at me.
“Yeah. Thank you for trusting me, Maiara. Good night,” I said as I lied down once more.
“Good night, Escha,” Maiara said as she also lied down beside me.
I closed my eyes as I heard Maiara’s words. At that time, my heart was stung by the realization that I was deceiving her, despite the fact that she trusted me…
I grasped the blanket that was covering my chest tighter.