I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

When I returned home, although a heavy load was taken from my shoulders, I still felt a little bit anxious. Would Clyde and Nicole know that the carnations were meant to show them that Reinst
come to them?
Before I made sure of that, I couldn’t rest assured.
[Worried much?]
Feeling my anxiety, Fenrir asked.
[Why not wait until tomorrow and see what information can you get from Ein?]
[For something this huge, don’t you think they’re going to tell Ein?]
Based on my understanding of Nicole and Clyde… Nah, Nicole would definitely be the one to tell Ein. However, I couldn’t be sure of it.
[It’s no use thinking about it now. Just put that thought aside and wait for tomorrow. If you keep dazing off like this, your family will be worried.]
As per Fenrir’s reminder, I put myself together as I couldn’t look like this during our family dinner. With great difficulty, I put my anxiety aside.
“So kids, how did your visit to Ferne go?” Dad asked.
“Dad, listen, listen! In Ferne, we had this nice ice cream…,” Freyja excitedly narrated.
“The Loera family’s house is amazing! Their transportation too…,” Freyr also added.
My younger siblings were so excited to tell our parents how their experience was, and since our experiences were more or less the same, I only smiled as I listened to how the twins experienced our fun stayover.
When I turned to look at Alt-nii, he noticed my gaze and smiled back at me.
We proceeded to look at our younger siblings with gentle eyes.
“Their house is reaaaaallly big!” Freyja said.
“Can be compared to the royal castle,” Freyr nodded.
“Hee… So, you two want a big house like that?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, yeah! I won’t get bored living in that big house! We will have a lot of places to play in!” Freyja said.
“It doesn’t really matter, but I love the facilities there,” Freyr said.
“Hahaha, I guess I gotta work harder then,” Dad chuckled nervously as he turned to look at me and Alt and said, “What about you two?”
“Hmm… Their house is too big to live in! It’s tiring having to move around places!” I said, not wanting to put more burden to Dad.
“The tax and the maintenance cost of the house will be high too, so it’s alright,” Alt-nii stated that undeniable fact.
“Haha, look at you, Alt. Now you’re thinking of things like this,” Dad patted Alt-nii’s shoulders.
“Well, I’m already an adult!” Alt-nii reminded Dad.
“Even so, you’ll always be our children in our eyes,” Dad said lovingly.
“Yeah. I still remember when you were this small,” Mom gestured with her hands.
The atmosphere during this family dinner was as harmonious as always. Thanks to that, the anxiety I had put aside felt like it was reduced significantly. My eyes squinted in delight.
After dinner, I played with my siblings for a while before all of us went to sleep.
The next day, at school…
“Do you believe in the existence of ghosts?” Ein suddenly asked.
“Huh?” All of us simultaneously turned to look at him with questioning eyes.
But my heart thumped in excitement.
“I’m still a bit skeptical about their existence, but…,” Ein answered his own question, seeing that nobody opened their mouths.
“Mummy told me last night that she and Daddy had a dream where my aunt’s ghost spoke to them. Mummy said Auntie even left some flowers derivative of her name in their bedroom as a proof. I… The story is bizarre that I can’t believe it, but the flowers were indeed there, and there shouldn’t be any security flaws in our home. Intruders? Our people will definitely be aware if there is any… The workers have been thoroughly investigated before they’re employed,” Ein said as he put his hand on his chin, a serious look on his face.
“Huh? Is that real?” Luca asked, skeptical.
Ein nodded, “As much as I am trying to find a logical explanation to it… I can’t find any, and my brain is trying hard to believe this… Conclusion: It’s real!”
I tried my best to keep myself from smiling in happiness.
“I think they’re real! I… I once had a similar experience,” Iris suddenly spoke.
“I’ve heard my kin mentioning such a phenomenon too. Ghost of someone they knew entered their dream to speak about something…,” Carbuncle chimed in as well.
Then, our topic turned into a discussion about ghosts. Apparently, there were lots of urban legends all around us. And stories of loved ones coming to your dream to speak one last time before they go to afterlife.
I wonder if they’re all actually like me—reincarnating then trying to find closure to my past life, thus using such a method?
Or if each soul is given a chance to visit someone they want to see before they reincarnate or go to the afterlife…?
I guess I won’t find out about it for now.
Though I was reluctant when that god forced me to reincarnate, I now really love my life. I wouldn’t want to die before I live a long and happy life!
After school was over, Fenrir and I discussed about our next step when we were resting in my room.
“Next, I… would like to talk with Mother, Father, and… Domi,” I said as I remembered Adel and Domi’s relationship that worried me.
“Are you prepared?” Fenrir asked.
“I…”
Contrary to Clyde and Nicole who openly expressed their positive and sincere feelings towards Reinst, I never knew anything about Mother, Father, and Domi with regards to Reinst.
What if… they never cared for me as… simply me? What if their love really proved to be conditional all along?
Those thoughts are scary…
But for Domi, I understand if he doesn’t have any impression or feelings towards Reinst, for he was only four when Reinst passed away. I bet he barely remembered Reinst…
“So, you are scared,” Fenrir said in an affirmative tone.
“Yes… I am afraid that the worst would come true.”
“And?”
“Huh?” I turned to look at him with questioning eyes.
“And how will that affect you?” Fenrir asked.
“Of course I will be sad…”
“But you’re Lyra now, aren’t you?” Fenrir’s words made my eyes go wide.
It might be sad if Mother and Father’s love to Reinst turned to be conditional, but…
I’ve got that hunch all along.
I would be sad if that was really true. Sad for Reinst.
But now… as Lyra, I have a loving family. That sadness will surely pass, right?
Deep down, I already know that ever since I was young, still as Reinst…
What do I have to lose now?
I can still say a few words to Mother and Father, regardless of their answers, and I can have my closure that way.
It’s no use if I were to linger in sadness over it. That would affect my current life instead.
I am not going to make myself suffer silly like that, right?
“Uh… I’m still afraid that I’d get caught in sadness…,” I said with a shaky voice.
“I’ll make sure to hit you real hard to knock you back to your senses, then,” Fenrir said.
I chuckled, “Hey, be gentler to me!”
And then, a question popped to my mind.
“How do I carry this plan out to them? It’s not like I have any excuse to see them like I did with Clyde and Nicole—through Ein,” I pondered.
“Good question.”
“……Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…”
No matter how I think of it, I’m drawing blanks.
It had to be something inconspicuous. I couldn’t just ask my parents or inform anyone I would be going to Qwasigreynard, right?
“Don’t you think the opportunity will present itself in the future? We just have to keep an eye to it. Unless… you’re in a hurry?” Fenrir asked.
“True… There will be noble parties in the future and I definitely can approach them during such a time. I’m not really in a hurry, although quickly finding a closure to everything seems very tempting. But yeah, we can’t be hasty. No matter what, I don’t want to act suspicious and be found out through it,” I nodded at Fenrir’s words.
“Then, it should be fine,” Fenrir concluded.
“Alright, thanks, Fenrir!” I hugged Fenrir.
“But you have another thing you need and can do,” Fenrir suddenly spoke.
I let go of him and asked, “And that is…?”
“Train your dark magic more.”
I was stunned.
“Isn’t your past life holding you from doing that? With some of it resolved, training your dark magic will be easier, right?” Fenrir asked.
“That’s true… Should I try asking Mom to increase my dark magic training intensity?”
“Try, you’ve got nothing to lose and more to gain.”
“Alright then! I’ll do that!”
With that, I resumed my dark magic training and I was pleased to see that the fear and unpleasant feelings that usually held me back—seemed to lighten!
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