I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

I understand that different people have different values, and we shouldn’t push our values to others. But I just want to make sure Domi won’t regret things.
“I’m just concerned about your future,” I casually said.
“Don’t be, what for? We’re not even close,” Domi said bluntly.
I was almost choked. It was true. We weren’t close and I said I was concerned about his future. He might even think of my words as insincere and just formality.
“…Alright. I grew up in our family and saw how unhappy Mother was. I just don’t want you to be like Father and have your future wife to be unhappy like Mother. …I don’t want anyone else to feel like I was, growing up, too. You can chase after what you want, but I hope people close to you won’t be the collateral,” I said.
Domi’s expression slightly changed hearing my words and he coldly replied, “It has nothing to do with you.”
I wryly smiled.
“You’re still young and you have a long future ahead of you. I just hope you won’t chase after what’s wrong and never feel content. There’s so much more to living in this world other than status, gain, and fame. As much as the world feels like it’s cruel and grim, there’s kindness and beauty in it. I want you to be able to experience those and be truly happy, content with your life.”
Domi turned his face away from me as he said, “I dictate my own life. There’s no need for you to tell me what to do.”
At his words, I was surprised.
Perhaps this was the difference of Domi and my past self.
Back then, I just followed others, tried to fulfill their expectations of me. I walked on the path that someone else chose for me.
Meanwhile, based on his words, Domi seemed like he had a will of his own, not wanting others to tell him what to do.
Could he be fed up growing up as he was told what to do and what not to do?
Well, that’s good if he had his own will. Hopefully it was truly his own will, not influenced by others.
As to what path he would walk later…
It would be up to him.
I got a feeling that the more I tried to speak and advise him, the more he wouldn’t want to listen and follow me. So, all I could do was to watch and pray that he wouldn’t regret in the future. And that he won’t hurt people around him, especially the kind and gentle Adel. If Domi was really cold like Mother and Father, I hope being with Adel could move him.
“Yes, I know. You’re better than me in this case,” I said as I chuckled and said lowly, “If only I was like that before…”
“There’s no medicine for regrets,” Domi added.
“I know. So, you better not regret anything.”
“…Do you regret?” Domi’s question threw me off guard. I never expected him to ask me anything.
“A bit, but the rice’s been cooked. I can’t do anything to change that,” I smiled bitterly.
And then, silence enveloped us.
I then opened my mouth again, “Do you regret? Like, do you regret that we’re never close? Do you regret that I wasn’t able to be there for you?”
“Regrets are just wasteful,” Domi answered curtly.
I sighed, “Indeed they are.”
The two of us were silent once more as I was thinking of what else I’d like to tell Domi. It was my only chance, after all.
…In the end, I decided to add, “I was actually envious of you. You could gain what I could never gain, and easily on top of that, too. That might be why I never really wanted to be close to you, as if would just cause me to envy you even more. But after all that happened, I feel a little bit regretful that you and I couldn’t have grown up closer like what typical siblings would, really.”
I said it.
I knew children were quite receptive of others, and I knew little Domi might have sensed my reluctance to spend my time with him. Perhaps he forgot. Perhaps he didn’t care.
But I’d like him to know the reason why we were like this.
It wasn’t him; it was me.
He might not question it, but I’d like him to know.
With that, there was no more burden in my shoulders that was related to him.
…Perhaps the thought of how the future would be like still lingered in my mind, but I could only quietly observe as Lyra.
Domi was still silent.
I finally said, “Well, whatever. I came here to see how you were doing and to talk with you one last time.”
“This is my last wish for you, as your sister. I pray that you can truly be happy in life. Alright, that’s all,” I said as I turned around and walked away from him.
Before I could leave, Domi’s voice could be heard.
“There are times when I indeed imagined how things would be if you were still alive, but that’s all. Rest well, I’ll definitely live well and take a good care of our clan, Eldest Sister.”
My eyes widened in surprise.
Never have I thought he would respond to me and say those words.
More importantly, he called me ‘Eldest Sister’…
And he had thought of me several times while he was growing up… He even admitted it to me.
That was really unexpected.
I smiled and said without turning around, “Well… As long as you don’t sacrifice too many things, can live with clear conscience and be happy, it’s alright. Fame alone won’t be able to make you feel content as I believe you’ll crave for more. It’s enough if our clan is doing alright.”
“I know,” Domi shortly answered.
No more words were spoken between us other than that. I walked away, leaving Domi’s dream world.
Even so, I was happy to hear that Domi knew me, even if it was only from other people’s hearsay. And that there were times when he wanted to know more about me. And unexpectedly, I was used as an example by Mother. Even if it could be considered as glorifying the death, it was still a pleasant surprise.
As to how Domi would live, whether his words today was just a lie or if he meant them… As to how his life with Adel would be… Only time could answer.
And it wasn’t my place to meddle.
I have done what I could now.
It’s time to sever my connection as Reinst with Domi.
From now on, we’re only fellow duke’s children.
Not sister and brother.
Fingers crossed for our future…
As we walk on our own path.