I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate!

Author: LynneSuzuran

Chapter 169 – Attachment

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Mother’s words immediately caused my brain to be blank.
She just talked to Luca and then moved to eye me and that was her first words…? Wouldn’t that mean she was saying…?!
But how could that be??
Nevertheless, my body reflexively formed a greeting to Mother, who also curtseyed me in return.
“Excuse me, Dahlia-san, but what did you mean by those words?” I asked.
“It’s exactly as I said. Aren’t you going to be the crown prince’s fiancée soon?” Mother said as if it was a matter of fact.
“Uhm… I don’t follow… Where did you hear about it?” I tilted my head slightly.
“There were rumors circulating for quite some time.”
“Rumors are just rumors.”
“But there won’t be a smoke without fire. The rumor’s got to have some basis. I was even assuming that the ones who started it were…”
Her words stopped there, but I understood what she was thinking.
She thought that the engagement between me and Luca would be happening, and perhaps it would be announced in the future. It was something set in stone. As for the rumors, if it wasn’t from other people catching wind of the matter, it could be the ones involved who tried to let the rumor out.
After all, there was once a rumor about two noble children’s engagement that was created by one of the parties involved. With the rumors such as “A and B are such perfect couple!” or “They were truly a match in heaven…”, even if it wasn’t true at first, the other party would be intrigued to find out more why the rumors would happen. Then, the probability of the rumors coming true would increase. Besides, such a tactic could discourage other people from trying to get close to the parties involved, for they were rumored to be betrothed.
Of course, there were some rumors created to become a trap, or to scheme others…
Words have such amazing power, so we must be careful for our own words.
“No, Dahlia-san. The rumors might be there because I am the crown prince’s best friend… but in the end, we’re just best friends,” I said.
“Oh? Then, what about the royal family’s opinions? Your parents’?” Dahlia probed.
The topic of the royal family’s matters, especially matters such as engagements and unions between them has always been the hot topic among nobles, especially noble women. Forming a connection with the future members of the royal family would be beneficial, especially if nurtured from an early stage.
I could understand why Mother was especially keen of it, despite not having relatives to be matched with the members of the royal family.
…Or was there none at all?
Or she was simply interested in this topic because of… me? Because of Reinst in the past and how I was sometimes compared to her?
It wasn’t odd for the best queen candidate to be rumored to the previous generation’s best queen candidate.
Regardless…
“We’ve talked about it before. Our parents will leave it up to us. They don’t have any plans on betrothing us without our agreements,” I said.
“Hmm… We’ll see about that in the future. As a parent myself, I understand very well their thoughts,” Mother said.
I reflexively said in my mind, and it was at that time that I realized.
As the years passed by, I didn’t seem to be very hung up with my past self’s parents as much as I did before. It was easy to not get so hung up to Father, for I was never close to him, and I never really cared about him as much as I did with Mother.
As for Mother… I was obsessed with her and her affection as Reinst. But now, I didn’t seem to care that much…
Sure, I was still curious about her feelings towards me as Reinst, but that was it.
A lot had happened in my life as Lyra and who knows what or when did I start feeling this way…
In this case, should I still…?
In the first place, how should I plant Fenrir’s mark to Mother and Father? Doing the same antics as I did with Domi before would surely be a little bit too much, right?
Should I let it go or…
[
Fenrir’s voice resounded in my mind.
Afraid to face Mother? Me…?
…Aah, yes. Perhaps deep down, I knew the answer all along. I just didn’t want to hear it from her directly…
But even so, Fenrir urged me to continue because he knew there was a part of me that was still so hung up on Mother. After all, she was like the center of my world as Reinst for the thirteen years I lived through.
I asked in my heart.
[
Two scenarios ran in my head.
The first one was I pretended to be clumsy, tripped on my own dress, fell and my hands touched her skirt in the middle of my fall… But that would embarrass me so much!
The second one… Play dumb…
No, no, no! I gotta succeed in the alternative way Fenrir just told me!
Determined, I tried to multitask. One was to keep talking with Dahlia-san. Luckily, my friends joined in the conversation as they supported my words. Another task I was doing was… making sure that my foot touched Mother’s shadow and tried to slowly give Fenrir’s mark to Mother.
I wasn’t sure if I was doing it correctly or not, it was hard to tell.
Thankfully, Fenrir told me that it was successfully planted.
Before I could rest, Father walked over to Mother and their shadows were joined. Fenrir immediately told me to try marking Father using the same way—shadow transfer.
Thus, I successfully planted three marks to my previous self’s family members.
Although I wasn’t sure anymore if I wanted to go as Reinst and ask them… especially the elders—Mother and Father.
But Fenrir kept saying ‘better safe than sorry’ and it wasn’t easy to get this chance, so I planted them just in case.
The party ended without any notable difficulty or event other than my successfully planting Fenrir’s marks on all remaining targets.
When I returned and finished tidying up, I laid on my bed with Fenrir by my side.
I started talking to him with a low voice.
“Fen, I don’t think I really need to see Mother and Father as Reinst… I mean, I already know the answer all along… I was doing better too. I no longer felt heavy due to my dark magic when I met them. So…”
“Despite all that, I know you still feel nervous when you met them earlier. And even if you know the answer, you still want to make sure, right?”
“But… What happens after I hear the answer from them? What for? How should I respond?” I asked.
“I’m sure you will find out the answers by that time. I just feel that it’s necessary for you to talk with them one last time as Reinst,” Fenrir said.
“Uh… I see… I wonder if I will feel much better after that. I’m starting to feel detached to my old self by now already… Yes, I’ve been living for… almost twelve years now, and I will soon catch up with my old self’s age… That might be why.”
“Is that all you want to know?” Fenrir asked.
“Hmmm… There is one more thing, but it’s difficult,” I said as I sighed before I continued, “I want to know why I had to live as Reinst first before becoming Lyra. What’s the meaning of my life as Reinst? It was quite meaningless, don’t you think…?”
“I don’t think so,” Fenrir said.
“How so?” I blinked and argued, “It would be much better if I were to be born as Lyra directly, no?”
That would save me so much heartache and my potential in magic would soar better as I would have no qualms with dark magic that way…
“You seem to forget something,” Fenrir said.
“What is it?” I asked.
“The past forms the present.”
“The past… forms the present…”
“That’s right. If you were never Reinst before you were reborn, I’m sure the you who’s here won’t be ‘you’. I doubt things will unfold the same way as they are now. For example, I’m not sure I will still become your Familiar. Without your past experiences as Reinst, many things will change,” Fenrir reminded me.
That might be true.
No, that’s got to be true.
I was just too absorbed in the ‘what ifs’ and wanted an easier way of living. Without the past life’s chains bothering me, my life would be easier.
But at the same time, without them, I won’t be the way I am right now.
It was so obvious… How foolish of me.
“But that’s not enough. I want something more concrete. Like…,” my eyes widened as I remembered, “Like for example, my cell donation…! I still want to find out if my cells were ever used and who it saved…”
Then I slumped on my bed, “But that’s quite impossible as the matter such as cell donation is confidential. I don’t really want to climb in the hierarchy of the health system just to access the information…”
Another way was to ask those who could access the information. I had no connection to anyone in the health system, but I knew the royal family… Even so, there was no way I could ask this question, right?
Another method was to be part of the royal family, but that would mean…
“I might never find out the answer of this question in this lifetime… Oh my… That light god told me to find out myself before reincarnating me, but how the heck am I supposed to find it out myself this way?” I shifted the blame to the light god. Yes, things would be much simpler if they were to tell me!
“Going by the assumption that the light god is indeed… a ‘god’, I think there might be a way,” Fenrir said.
“That’s it, my brain will be fried. I find no way at all…”
“Then let’s just put it aside. If such an opportunity really comes, we can grab it. If not, can you just focus on living your life now?” Fenrir asked.
“That’s what I’m thinking about. I just hope my curiosity can fade away…”
“Let’s just focus on the matter at hand. My marks won’t last too long. Let’s see someone tonight,” Fenrir said.
“Uh… Then, I’ll go with Domi first… can I?”
Since I’ve gone through the pains of planting Fenrir’s mark on him, let’s just make good use of it!
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Chapter List

Prologue
Chapter 1 – The Grabberton Family
Chapter 2 – Fate
Chapter 3 – Reincarnate or Disappear!
Chapter 4 – Re:birth
Chapter 5 – Hello, Mother
Chapter 5.5 – Hello, Daughter
Chapter 6 – A New Home
Chapter 7 – The Whole Family, Complete Members
Chapter 8 – The Hartmann Family and Details about My New Home
Chapter 9 – Hartmann’s Special Arts
Chapter 10 – Third Birthday
Chapter 11 – Magic Elements
Chapter 12 – The Training
Chapter 12.5 – My Daughter’s First Training
Chapter 13 – Alt-nii’s Enrollment to School
Chapter 14 – Altaire’s Sixth Birthday (1)
Chapter 15 – Altaire’s Sixth Birthday (2)
Chapter 16 – Altaire is An Irregularity
Chapter 17 – Going to the Capicastle
Chapter 18 – My Magic
Chapter 19 – Denial
Chapter 20 – The Royal Family
Chapter 20.5 – The Adults’ Side
Chapter 21 – Lucius the Prince
Chapter 22 – Showdown with the Prince
Chapter 23 – My Education
Chapter 24 – The Mysterious Lyra
Chapter 25 – Fenix and My Magic Training
Chapter 26 – The Messy Independent Training
Chapter 27 – A Gift from God
Chapter 28 – Winter Holiday
Chapter 29 – The Plan
Chapter 30 – Journey to Chinosato City
Chapter 31 – Chinosato City
Chapter 32 – Trouble, Troubles Everywhere
Chapter 33 – Crisis During Vacation
Chapter 34 – [ ]
Chapter 35 – Mad Lunatic
Chapter 36 – Cleaning Up After The Crisis
Extra 1 – Reinst’s Coming-of-Age Ceremony
Chapter 37 – Celebrating Fifth Birthday
Chapter 38 – Luca’s Sixth Birthday
Chapter 38.5 – The Things That She Didn’t Know
Chapter 39 – My Sixth Birthday, and…
Chapter 40 – Nicole
Chapter 41 – “Mother” and “Little Brother”
Chapter 42 – Grabberton vs Fumitsuna
Chapter 43 – Second Magic Test
Chapter 44 – Preparing for Entrance Exams
Chapter 44.5 – Cyan’s “Blessing”
Chapter 45 – Entrance Exams and…
Chapter 46 – General Knowledge Test and Displaying My Swordsmanship
Chapter 47 – Last One in the Menu: Magic Exam!
Chapter 48 – Enrollment to Harmonia Academy
[April Fools Edition] Chapter 49
Chapter 49 – First Day of School!
Chapter 50 – Senior
Chapter 51 – An Unexpected Storm
Chapter 52 – The Rumored Girl
Chapter 53 – Siblings Team Battle, Against A Dragon!
Chapter 54 – More Surprising Things!
Chapter 55 – School Day 2 and Iris
Chapter 56 – School Day 3 is Very Chaotic!
Chapter 57 – A Day of Sword and Magic
Chapter 58 – Day 3’s Night and Day 4’s Activities
Chapter 59 – Day 5, Another Interesting Day
Chapter 60 – Passing Days
Chapter 61 – Sleepover Time~!
Chapter 62 – Icarus
Chapter 63 – Firis
Chapter 64 – Cyan
Chapter 64.5 – The Day We Met ~Titus’ Side~
Chapter 65 – Story of the Past
Chapter 66 – Magic Test at School
Chapter 67 – Turning Seven
Chapter 68 – Eggie’s Fate
Chapter 69 – Peaceful Days… No?
Chapter 70 – Overture
Chapter 71 – An Invitation
Chapter 72 – My [Nephew]’s Sixth Birthday
Chapter 73 – Turning Eight
Chapter 74 – Still My Eighth Birthday Party
Chapter 75 – Miss You, Big Sis!
Chapter 76 – Playing Tag
Chapter 77 – The Treasury: Revisited
Chapter 78 – Interlude
Chapter 79 – Here Comes… Ein!
Chapter 80 – Lyra vs Altaire –and Co.
Chapter 81 – Surprise and Surprise!
Chapter 82 – On A Certain Winter
Chapter 83 – An Addition to the Family
Chapter 84 – Freyr and Freyja
Chapter 85 – Bonding with the Twins~!
Chapter 86 – The Twins’ Confusion
Chapter 87 – Day 5 Month 5: 5th Birthday
Chapter 88 – The Maozi Jewel
Chapter 89 – Introduction
Chapter 90 – Seal
Chapter 91 – Debut Party
Chapter 92 – Rivals
Chapter 93 – Presents
Chapter 94 – The Magical Twins
Chapter 95 – The Princess’ Debut Party
Chapter 96 – The Hartmann Family’s Big Events
Chapter 97 – On A Certain Snowy Day
Chapter 98 – Missing
Chapter 99 – Let’s Go Home
Chapter 100 – Werebeasts
Chapter 101 – Collaboration
Chapter 102 – New Power
Chapter 103 – Confession
Chapter 104 – The Trio Troublemakers
Chapter 105 – Is He Serious?
Chapter 106 – Prepare For Trouble
Chapter 107 – Against Dmitria and Valerie
Chapter 108 – This is What I Call “Victory”
Chapter 109 – The Miracle Twins
Chapter 110 – Getting Along with the Trio Troublemakers
Chapter 111 – Erneste
Chapter 112 – Harmonia Academy’s Quinquennial Event
April Fools – Disastrous Festival
Chapter 113 – One Night, Different Experiences
Chapter 114 – Will You Come?
Chapter 115 – [Little Brother]’S 22nd Birthday
Chapter 116 – Harmonia Academy’s Quinquennial Festival: Day 1
Chapter 117 – Hansel And Gretel: Festival Edition
Chapter 118 – Prophecy
[Special] World Explanation
Chapter 119 – Day 3: Siblings Battle
Chapter 120 – Insecurities
Chapter 121 – Unpleasant Feelings
Chapter 122 – In Danger
Chapter 123 – [You] and [Me]
Chapter 124 – Finally Awake
Chapter 125 – Home Visit
Chapter 126 – Reconcile
Chapter 127 – Not Alone
Chapter 128 – Sharing Burdens
Chapter 129 – Training Begins
Chapter 130 – Untangle One Knot
Chapter 131 – Forgetting Something Important
Chapter 132 – Dark Magic Training
Chapter 133 – Turning 11!
Chapter 134 – Can Invite?
Discussion
Chapter 135 – Let’s Go and Fetch!
Chapter 136 – Briar-Rose
Chapter 137 – Ranch Life, Fun Life~
Chapter 138 – Bad Luck…?
Chapter 139 – Encounter: [ ]
Chapter 140 – Awake
Chapter 141 – Clyde and Nicole
Chapter 142 – Grabbing A Sword Again
Chapter 143 – Meteor Shower
Chapter 144 – Siblings
Chapter 145 – Fourteenth Birthday Celebration
Chapter 146 – Shaula and Titus
Chapter 147 – The Future
Chapter 148 – Differences
Chapter 149 – The Hartmann Family
Chapter 150 – How Everyone’s Doing
Chapter 151 – Loera
Chapter 152 – Please Don’t Think I’m Mental Or What
Chapter 153 – Preparation to Go Back
Chapter 154 – To Silent Forest
Chapter 155 – Overcoming A Trial
Chapter 156 – I Have A Familiar!
Chapter 157 – Confiding About Past Life
Chapter 158 – Where Do Familiars Stay?
Chapter 159 – First Step To The Plan!
Chapter 160 – Staying In The Loera Residence
Chapter 161 – Best Friend
Chapter 162 – Nicole And Reinst
Chapter 163 – Second Person
Chapter 164 – My One and Only…
Chapter 165 – Brother and Sister
Chapter 165.5 – Brother And Sister ~Sister’s Side~
Chapter 166 – Proof
Chapter 167 – Do You Believe In Ghosts?
Chapter 168 – A Chance
Chapter 169 – Attachment
Chapter 170 – I Am The Older Sister
Chapter 171 – Our Own Path
Chapter 172 – Mother or Father?
Chapter 173 – Father
Chapter 174 – Dad
Chapter 175 – The Center of My World
Chapter 176 – Family
Chapter 177 – Unanswered Questions
Chapter 178 – Older Brother
Chapter 179 – Wedding Ceremony
Chapter 180 – Should I be Worried?
Chapter 181 – After That…
Chapter 182 – Visiting the Grave
Chapter 183 – It is Fate, Isn’t It?
Chapter 184 – Returning Home
Chapter 185 – Her Smile
Chapter 186 – Just Lyra
Chapter 187 – Alt-nii’s Request
Chapter 188 – You See…
Chapter 188.5 – Parents
Chapter 189 – Coming-of-Age Ceremony
Chapter 190 – Friendships
Chapter 191 – Constant
Chapter 192 – Rupert’s Big Day?!
Chapter 193 – Growing Conflict
Chapter 194 – Our Meeting?
Chapter 195 – Becoming A Third Wheel
Chapter 196 – Celeste’s Request
Chapter 197 – Lies
Chapter 198 – Father Daughter Reunion
Chapter 199 – Oriel
Chapter 200 – Naraka’s War God
Chapter 201 – Battle in the Strange Place
Chapter 202 – Working Together
Chapter 203 – Stranded in the Unknown
Chapter 204 – Their Alliance
Chapter 205 – Adjusting
Chapter 206 – Everyone’s Hope
Chapter 207 – Baby
Chapter 208 – Sen
Chapter 209 – Have We Returned?
Chapter 210 – Current Situation
Chapter 211 – Changes in Cielle Kingdom
Chapter 212 – Why Things Are Turning to the Present
Chapter 213 – Delegation to Cielle
Chapter 214 – Cielle Kingdom’s Crown Princess
Chapter 215 – Hello, My Old Friend
Chapter 216 – Lyra’s Internal Struggle
Chapter 217 – Infiltration Plan
Chapter 218 – Preparing for the Infiltration Mission
[Announcement] Light Novel Publication!
Chapter 219 – Mission: Start
Chapter 220 – Infiltrating Cielle Kingdom’s Capital City
Chapter 221 – Infiltrating the Royal Castle of Cielle
Chapter 222 – Aiming to be the Top Maids?!
Chapter 223 – The Tower of Exile
Chapter 224 – The Person Being Held Captive…
Chapter 225 – Gullible or…?
Chapter 226 – Eneida
Chapter 227 – The Opportunist
Chapter 228 – Embarking towards Vittae Village
Chapter 229 – Trust
Chapter 230 – Aquafly
Chapter 231 – The Portal
Chapter 232 – The Vittae Village
Chapter 233 – All Alone in This World
Chapter 234 – A Monster
Chapter 235 – Investigating the Vittae Temple
Chapter 236 – The Temple’s Hidden Area
Chapter 237 – Our Way Out… Or Not?
Chapter 238 – Boss Battle?!
Chapter 239 – Escapade
Chapter 240 – Saving the Day After Ruining It
Chapter 241 – When Disguised People Meet One Another…
Chapter 242 – Dilemma
Chapter 243 – Coincidences
Chapter 244 – The Elven Divine Doctor
Chapter 245 – The Truth
Chapter 246 – One Unwavering Truth
Chapter 247 – To the Dragon’s Continent!
Chapter 248 – Pyrpgrnt Kingdom
Chapter 249 – The Dragon Race
Chapter 250 – The Confusion of the Prince’s Aide
Chapter 251 – Eneida’s Power
Chapter 252 – In the Cradle of Her Mind
Chapter 253 – The Life of A Saintess
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