I’ve Gone Viral Because of a Money-Saving Variety Show

In a small hotel in Hai City.
Two police officers were pressing Zheng He down on the bed, while another stood at the door, turning his head towards an elderly lady in her fifties to sixties, with disheveled clothes. He quickly grabbed a blanket nearby and handed it to the lady, frowning with concern as he asked, “Auntie, are you alright?”
The elderly lady wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, her eyes flickering slightly, “I’m fi-fine…”
[Zheng He invited the elderly lady to a hotel and then got arrested? Brothers, this is explosive!]
[Zheng He is really starving to eat anything he can!]
[Daring to hassle an elderly lady, Zheng He isn’t picky at all!]
[It’s not even spring yet, and Zheng He is going on blind dates at noon and booking hotel rooms at night. How thirsty can this brother be?]
[Zheng He, oh Zheng He! What can I say about you, this elderly lady is almost as old as your mother, how could you lay your hands on her!]
Zheng He’s head was being pressed into the soft bed; looking up at the police officers, his face squashed and speech slightly slurred, he pleaded, “No… that’s not it… you… listen to my explanation…”
One of the police officers holding Zheng He down pressed harder on his head, and shouted sternly, “Shut your mouth! Keep still!”
Zheng He whimpered in pain.
Zheng He: “…” Is there anyone who will speak up for me!!
The elderly lady standing by the police awkwardly turned away.
Zheng He felt like crying. After a short pause, as the police were about to take him away, he felt he could finally breathe freely and eagerly vindicate himself!
With a face full of unspeakable grievance and turning red, he yelled, “I called the police, I’m the victim, I’m the one who was harassed!!”
Zheng He was about to die of injustice! He called the police on himself, does he look that stupid?!
The room: “!!!”
The officers looked at each other, could they really have arrested the wrong person?
They looked at the disheveled elderly lady, then at the well-dressed Zheng He…
No matter how you looked at it, it didn’t seem like it was as Zheng He described.
But seeing Zheng He rectifying himself with a face turning red from the effort of arguing his case, he didn’t seem to be lying.
For the first time, the police officer felt so helpless he wanted to call the police himself.
The police coughed lightly, “Well, I’ll call the station to make sure who made the call.”
Earlier, they came in, assessed the situation and went straight for Zheng He, seizing him to protect the elderly lady.
Thinking it over, before they left to respond to the call, he vaguely remembered someone from the station saying the caller was a man named Zheng He.
But he was still a bit confused now. To be absolutely certain, it was best to check with the station once more.
Two minutes later.
After confirming with a call, the police officer scratched his head, turned to look at the elderly lady wrapped tightly in the blanket, looking utterly guilty, and was lost for words.
Just now, the voice over the phone answered clearly: “Yes, the caller’s last name is Zheng, named Zheng He, it’s a male. He says he was harassed.”
An awkward atmosphere quickly spread through the small space.
Zheng He looked at the police officers, lamenting pitifully, “I said you got the wrong person! You didn’t let me speak! Am I arresting myself when I’m the one who called the police? Do you think that makes sense! You don’t catch the real criminal, but you catch me. In your eyes, am I such a beast of a person!”
“…”
The police officers looked at each other, silent.
Beast or not, don’t you have any idea yourself?
Considering Zheng He’s past deeds, coupled with the current chaotic scene, who could instantly think Zheng He was the victim?
With Zheng He around, who can tell the difference between him and a criminal!
Can’t really blame the cops for nabbing the wrong guy.
Zheng He glanced at the auntie again, and continued defending himself: “Plus, she’s already up there in age, whereas I am a handsome young man! Am I really that desperate?!”
“…” Who knows?
The auntie got irritated upon hearing this, “How can you say that! I was the belle of the village in my youth, okay!”
The policeman turned to glare at the auntie, barked sternly: “Shut your mouth! Be quiet!”
Auntie: “…”
[Ah? This sudden twist almost threw me off!]
[I need to order two bubble teas to calm down from the shock!]
[This world has truly gone mad…]
[Your auntie is still your auntie!]
[Little Zheng (very loudly) (whiningly): I’m the real victim here!!]
[Sorry Little Zheng, I misjudged you just now, I’ll punish myself with a ten-minute time-out!]
[Hahaha! First time I’ve seen the cops at a loss for words!]
The two policemen who were restraining Zheng He awkwardly released him, and Zheng He was finally exonerated and regained his personal freedom.
Twenty minutes later, inside the nearby police station.
A police officer poured a cup of tea for Zheng He, comforting Comrade Little Zheng who had just suffered from physical and mental trauma.
The police officer sat down opposite Zheng He, “Now tell me about the harassment incident.”
Zheng He sighed, looking gloomy from the multiple harms suffered: “Ah, it’s all because I’m excessively handsome, which led her astray towards the path of crime…”
As he listened to Zheng He’s narcissistic statement, the officer’s brow furrowed tightly, tapping on the table with his pen, “I sympathize with your plight, but let’s stay on topic.”
“Okay.” Zheng He began his painful recollection: “She wanted to buy my autograph, so we arranged to meet at a hotel. As soon as I entered the room, she locked the door and, bam, started stripping! I was immediately stunned! I felt like my eyes were soiled!”
If the other person had been a young and pretty girl, Zheng He might have been partially willing, but the person in question was a perverted auntie in her fifties or sixties, and he just couldn’t bear to go through with it.
He immediately scrapped the idea of being kept by a rich woman and avoiding decades of struggle.
That money, he couldn’t earn a cent, and would rather leave it to the other talented and exceptional individuals!
He wanted to run, but he couldn’t, because he just wanted to close his eyes the moment he opened them.
At his most helpless moment, he suddenly thought of the police!
He quickly bowed his head, took out his phone, and dialed the call that would rescue him from the inferno.
Who would’ve thought, after the police arrived, they’d arrest him on the spot, and at that moment, he felt as if his hopes were shattered, and the world seemed excessively cruel to him!
Then his live stream went dark, with the ban reason given as: “violating content regulations.”
Only after the police arrived did Zheng He’s live stream continue, following negotiations between the executive producer and the platform’s review team.
[It seems the auntie had designs on him from the very start!]
[Zheng He’s really making a name for himself, living off his good looks now!]
[I actually feel bad for Zheng He, let’s spare him three seconds of sympathy.]
[Involvement in pornography, gambling, superstitious activities, pyramid schemes– Zheng He has been toasted by them all. There’s just one thing left; I hope he stays careful.]
[I thought the auntie was the one being harassed, but it turns out Zheng He is the actual victim?!]
Zheng He never expected that he would have such a vibrant set of experiences in his lifetime.
It was his good looks that brought him trouble, alas… Being too handsome isn’t all that great, next time he’s got to protect himself better!