Chapter 197 â Cat Dadâs Shitty Episode
Disgusting was not the only word in Xiaomaoâs mind. He felt sick to the stomach.
As Xiaomao was afraid of getting sick, he moved a strand of his Qi from his dantian to his stomach. As soon as it entered the stomach, all filthy sand, dirt, and rocks were sucked into it, turning the semi-transparent Qi black energy ball in an instant.
The Qi strand absorbed all objects and expanded. Within a few seconds, physical objects, bacteria, and waste were gone, leaving only a black chunk of the energy ball.
Xiaomao sweated profusely. Although he was glad that all material objects were gone, he was worried about the black energy inside him.
âWhatâs next?â
Xiaomao opened his eyes and read the instructions in the scroll.
At this point, Xiaomao frowned. He didnât want to let his stomach digest the black liquid.
He continued reading, hoping that there would be a solution after this.
Xiaomao closed the scroll. His expression turned dark.
He only had three words in his mind.
âIâll end up having diarrhea no matter what? What kind of cultivation method is that?!â
Taotie coughed and explained. âThe remaining impurity cannot be digested or absorbed into your body, but they will train and familiarize your digestive system with the energy. This will reinforce your foundation as a first-stage mortal cultivator.â
Xiaomao still doubted Taotie, âWhat will I get after I master this technique?â
âOrdinary cultivators, fiends, monsters, immortals, and gods cannot utilize impure energy because their bodies reject it. In their common sense, impure energy is no different than poops. But for me, I can digest EVERYTHING and turn EVERYTHING into LIFESPAN and LIFE FORCE! This technique will not bring you to my stats yet, but itâs enough to get you ready for the advanced techniques.â
âWHAT?!â
Xiaomao was astonished. Just like Taotie had said, players with the cultivator class always advised their juniors not to keep impurities in their bodies as they were unusable and might hinder their energy flow.
If what Taotie said was true, his cultivation method would revolutionize the cultivation scene, making the previous traditions obsolete.
âKitty, remember my words. If you follow the old traditions or logic, you will get the same results as the other predecessors that followed the same traditions and logic. If you donât change, you canât expect a different result. I know that my personal technique is weird, but thatâs how I become an undying calamity fiend that even Pangu is afraid of me!â
Xiaomao couldnât come up with an excuse. Taotie was somehow convincing today.
âListen. Just finish the first session, see the result, and think for yourself. If you believe that my cultivation method doesnât suit you, you can always quit.â
That made sense. Xiaomao thought.
Since Xiaomao had nothing to lose but getting diarrhea, he followed through with the instruction in the manual. He circulated ten strands of Qi, directing the extracted energy from the black ball and moving the Qi strands away.
A minute later, Xiaomao finished the first full lap. He rested the 10 strands of Qi in his dantian.
Unfortunately, he barely felt anything. He didnât feel like he had gotten stronger.
Xiaomao closed his eyes and rubbed his eyelids. He felt exhausted for some reason.
As soon as Xiaomao closed his eyes, the game messages popped up behind his eyelids.
âHuh?â
Xiaomao was so surprised that he snapped open his eyes. Then, he closed his eyes again to reread the entire series of messages.
âWow.â
After carefully reading the texts, Xiaomao was speechless. His permanent stats increased by meditating!
GROWL
However, the cultivation method came with a side effect. Xiaomaoâs stomach roared, and his bowel moved.
âHOLY CRAP! HOLY SHIT! HOLY POOP! WHERE IS THE TOILET!?â
It was too late for Xiaomao to stand up. The enemy had already attacked the gate!
Having no choice, Xiaomao took off his pants and squatted. Then, he let nature run its course.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
It was slimy, but it was semi-solid. The energy liquid turned into jelly and came out from his butt hole.
Xiaomao felt a lot better, but he was not out of the crisis.
There was no toilet paper here. Even in his inventory, he never stored any sanitary items in there.
Unable to force himself to sacrifice clothes to wipe his butt, he pointed his finger and thought of a basic spell that he had learned but never used.
As Xiaomao had no mana in his human body, he circulated a strand of Qi into his index finger. Then, he tried chanting a spell.
âWater bullet.â
FSSHHHH
A fountain of water came out from his fingertip. The stream was not as twin-turbo-engine strong as the bum guns in the Southeast Asian countries or the power-wash machine, but it provided enough force to be used as an alternative option.
In an awkward position, he pointed his finger toward his golden balls. He slightly aimed lower so that he wouldnât end up NUT-CRACKING himself in the process.
Again, Xiaomao circulated his Qi to his index finger and fired.
ZAAAAA
Xiaomaoâs expression turned into a character in a Hentai meme, where the Japanese phrase âYaranaikaâ came from.
After the emergency situation had been dealt with, Xiaomao cleaned his butt and put on his pants. Then, he stared at the black blob of dragon-quest-slime-like poop. The slime was as black and luster as obsidian. The surface was so smooth that Xiaomao almost touched it.
Fortunately, it had no eyes, or Xiaomao would have quit the cultivation method as he didnât want to give birth to slime kings by pooping.
âDammit, brain! This is shit! Why are you asking me to touch it!?â
As conflicted as he was, Xiaomao screamed.
The laughter of Taotie could also be heard, âI see that you succeeded, kitty. How was it? Was it REFRESHING?!â
âRefreshing my butt! Oh, no pun intended.â
âGood. But your session hasnât ended yet. How far have you read the scroll, kitty?â
âGimme a second.â
Xiaomao picked up the scroll and continued reading it. He wondered what Taotie was talking about.
Xiaomao was speechless yet again. He was surprised by Taotieâs capitalistic insight and knowledge.
âSo, this shit is money.â
âExactly, kitty! Donât tell anybody, though. No gods or immortals have noticed this method yet. Actually, they only knew that only I could produce black diamonds, but they didnât know how I did it. Now that you know, keep your mouth shut, okay?â
âEven if I want to tell someone, do you think I have the balls to tell others that I shit money?!â
âNope!â
âHaiz.â
âKYAHAHAHAHA!â
Despite being mentally exhausted by Taotie, Xiaomao followed through with the procedure and dropped his blood on it.
CRACK
Instantly, the black slime hardened and became a large chunk of black diamond.
Although Xiaomao was disgusted, he steeled his heart and picked it up. He shoved it inside his inventory.
DING
ââ¦â
Curious, Xiaomao closed his eyes and tried to read the item description.
Known for its usefulness in dark arts, this raw material can be refined and imbued with weapons, armor, and trinkets to boost the wearersâ Dark Spiritual Roots.
Any weapon that has embedded with the black diamond can inflict diseases, deadly poison, and curses upon the victims. Armors obtain an attached skill that can emit poisonous black fog around the wearers while the trinketsâ effects may vary.
All in all, this material is useful to dark-art users, black mages, and assassins. However, it is so rare that the price of this raw material keeps going up. You can only find one in the black market these days.
Crafting Material
Ultra Rare