Table Of ContentWHY I DIDN'T
THE SHELDON KENNEDY STORY
SAY ANYTHING
This page intentionally left blank
WHY I DIDN'T
THE SHELDON KENNEDY STORY
SAY ANYTHING
SHELDON KENNEDY
WITH JAMES GRAINGER
INSOMNIAC PRESS
Copyright © 2006 by Sheldon Kennedy
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with-
out the prior written permission of the publisher or, in case of photo-
copying or other reprographic copying, a license from Access Copyright,
1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5E 1E5.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Kennedy, Sheldon
Why I didn't say anything : the Sheldon Kennedy story / Sheldon
Kennedy ; with James Grainger.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-897178-07-7
1. Kennedy, Sheldon. 2. Sexually abused teenagers—Canada.
3. Sexual abuse victims—Canada—Biography. 4. Hockey players--
Canada—
Biography. I. Grainger, James, 1967- II. Title.
GV848.5.K45A3 2006 796.962'092 C2005-907620-8
The publisher gratefully acknowledges the support of the Canada
Council, the Ontario Arts Council and the Department of Canadian
Heritage through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program.
Printed and bound in Canada
Insomniac Press
192 Spadina Avenue, Suite 403
Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5T 2C2
www.insomniacpress.com
Canada
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to my daughter, Ryan. Thank you
for giving me a reason to start looking and dealing with
the abuse and addictions I suffered from. I love you and
am so proud of you for just being YOU. You are my sun-
shine everyday, Ryan, and for that I am grateful.
I would also like to dedicate this book to the people
who still suffer from abuse/addiction. I pray that you
find the courage to dig deep to the pain and start to
recover. I am writing this book to give people hope that
there is a way out, and that we can be free inside. I never
ever believed that that could come true. Only when I
was left with the choice to die or surrender was I able to
start working to find the way out. Rigorous Honesty,
Trust, Faith all followed with action was the way I found
to work. The twelve steps of AA worked for both the
abuse and addiction, I am so grateful for the opportuni-
ty to have found these steps. It is about living, some-
thing that was distorted for me my whole life.
Today I am a very grateful man. The big thing for me
is always to remain teachable, and remember progress,
not perfection.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change, courage to change the things I
can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This
prayer sums it up for me; Keeping It Simple is the key to
my freedom. My goal was to simplify the confusion sur-
rounding abuse / addiction. I feel that we are confused
enough already in our heads. I wanted to get to the
point and lay it out in a simple but honest way that we
could all relate to. I hope this book gives you the
courage to change.
This page intentionally left blank
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I have had a lot of people help me along the way and would
like to thank a few that never wavered through all of my craziness.
Wayne McNeil—Thank you for always believing in me. You
put our friendship on the line when you wrote the letter explain-
ing how bad my lifestyle really was, and for that I am grateful. You
are a great friend and have always been there through the ugly,
fun, desperate, and now grateful times. You are a great friend.
Thanks, Wayner.
Dayna, Lindsay, Braden, and Marianna McNeil—Dayna,
thanks for all your kindness and dedication to the issues of abuse.
You are a great lady and a good friend. Most importantly, you are
a great mother, and have raised three of the most genuine kids I
know. Lindsay, Braydon, Marianna, thank you for loving me for
who I was, not what I was. Your friendship is more than you'll ever
know.
Dr. Brian Shaw—Your message was always consistent: "I am
always there for you Shelly," and yes indeed you were. You have
helped me and many others receive the help they need. One thing
I learned was that I needed to do the work. Someone else wasn't
going to get me sober. Brian, I am very grateful for all you have
done for me. You are a good friend. Thanks, man.
NHL/NHLPA substance abuse program: Dr. Lewis, Dan
Cronin, Dr. Shaw—Thank you for never giving up. I am sure I test-
ed your patience more than once. I hope at some point I can give
back. Thanks for all you have done. Ryan and I are so grateful.
Ali Dickson Gray—Ali, thank you for having the courage to
come and rescue me from the darkness. You saw me at my darkest
point and I know it wasn't pretty, so thank you for having the
courage to still be my friend.
Lionel and Joannie Conacher—Thanks for supporting me. I
respect the two of you a lot. What impresses me is the way you
raise your kids. They're great. I consider you and your family very
good friends and hope it can only grow. Maybe I will teach you
how to barefoot, big boy.
Jeff Jackson—You've always been there, man, I can't believe I
didn't scare you off. Thanks for being strong, my friend.
Catherine Loubier—Thanks for all you have done. You helped
me get to a point in recovery I have never been before and for that
I am grateful.
Lanny McDonald — Thank you for all your support. Without
your help so much would not have been possible.
Paul, Jana, Ryan, Niah, and Wilson Hickie—Paul, thanks for
being a good stepdad to Ryan, thank you. Jana, well you were the
reason that I first decided to look at the abuse. I will never be able
to explain how important you were and are in my life. Thank you
for all your love and thank you for never giving up on me. I am so
grateful that you are happy, Jana. I will always respect you for
what you have done for me. Thanks.
A ARC (Alberta Adolescent Recovery Centre)—I love this place
and everybody involved. Thank you all for my sobriety and I wish
you all another 24. Now let's go help some kids.
Brian Evans—Thanks for everything, living the way I did,
good legal counsel was always a good thing. Thanks Brian.
Bob Probert—Probie, I love you, man, you helped me a lot as I
stumbled through life. I am grateful for the opportunity to have
played and lived with you, and I am proud to call you a friend.
You are a good man, Bob, I know that. You are a gentle man with
a big heart when you're sober. I hope you believe you deserve to
have freedom from the mind. I love you and your family.
Thank you all who supported the Sheldon Kennedy
Foundation. There is a lot more to do so keep on trucking.
God bless all of you and your families. No, I am not religious,
I am spiritual. Now that is pretty wild, eh?
And my family, Mom, Troy and Sherri, thanks for always stick-
ing up for me even when it was tough to do so. I am very grateful
to have a family that sticks up for one another and also confronts
when one needs to be confronted. Thanks and I love you all.
Chapter One
Description:In 1996, Sheldon Kennedy rocked the insular world of Canadian hockey by announcing that his former minor league coach, Graham James—the Hockey News 1989 Man of the Year—had sexually abused him more than three hundred times. The media portrayed Kennedy as a hero for breaking the code of s
