Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years

322 Pages·2010·2.74 MB·English

by  Carl Pickhardt Ph.D.

WHY The Hidden Truth

About the

Pre-Teen Years

GOOD KIDS

ACT CRUEL

C A R L P I C K H A R D T P . D .
H
WHY Th e Hidden Truth
about the
Pre-Teen Years
GOOD KIDS
ACT CRUEL
Carl PiCkHardT, P d
h
Copyright © 2010 by Carl Pickhardt
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Library of Congress CataloginginPublication Data
Pickhardt, Carl E.
Why good kids act cruel: the hidden truth about the preteen years / Carl
Pickhardt.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Aggressiveness in adolescence. 2. Aggressiveness in youth. 3. Bullying. 4.
Bullying in schools. I. Title.
BF724.3.A34P53 2009
155.42’48 dc22
2009036477
Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To all those young people who brave the social cruelties of
their middle school years and come out stronger for it.

Disclaimer:
Unless otherwise attributed, all quotations cited and case
examples used are fictional, created to reflect concerns and to
illustrate situations similar in kind but not in actuality to those
I have heard from clients over the years.

THE PROBLEM
“Every school year, literally millions of teenagers suffer from
emotional violence in the form of bullying, harassment,
stalking, intimidation, humiliation, and fear.”
Garbarino, James and Ellen deLara, And Words Can Hurt Forever:
How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and
Emotional Violence (New York: Free Press, 2003) viii.
“Some years ago, in the candor of the exam room, a
seventh-grade boy told me that he really didn’t have friends
at school and that he sometimes found himself being picked
on. I gave him the pediatric line on bullying: It shouldn’t
be tolerated, and there are things schools can do about it.
Let’s talk to your parents, let’s have your parents talk to the
school; adult interventions can change the equation. And he
was horrified. He shook his head vehemently and asked me
please not to interfere, and above all, not to say a word to
his mother, who was out in the waiting room because I had
asked her to give us some privacy. He wouldn’t have told me
this at all, he said, except he thought our conversation was
private. The situation at school wasn’t all that bad; he could
handle it. He wasn’t in any danger, wasn’t getting hurt; he
was just a little lonely. His parents, he said, thought he was
fine, that he had lots of friends, and he wanted to keep it
that way.”
Klaas, Perri, MD, “What to Do When Patient Says, ‘Please Don’t
Tell Mom,’ ” (New York Times, December 9, 2008) D1.
“The school is without doubt where most of the bullying
occurs.”
Olweus, Dan, Bullying at School (Malden, MA:
Blackwell Publishing, 1993) 21.
“Your child has a right to be educated in an environment that
is free of fear and harassment.”
Coloroso, Barbara, The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander
(New York: HarperCollins, 2003) 193.
“Educational leaders and teachers have the unique role of
making personal connections and shaping young students’
attitudes beyond the academic scope of the classroom. This
role places them in loco parentis, a position that requires them
to do everything in their power to prevent violent incidences
on campus just as if they were the child’s parents protecting
them from violence outside of school.”
Schoonover, Brian, Zero Tolerance Discipline Policies
(Bloomington, IN: iUniverse, 2009) 55.
“Driven by newly documented slumps in learning, by crime
rates, and by high dropout rates in high school, educators…
across the nation are struggling to rethink middle school
and how best to teach adolescents at a transitional juncture
of self-discovery and hormonal change…Middle school
teachers…must guide these students through the profound
transformations of adolescence.”
Gootman, Elissa, “Trying to Find Solutions in Chaotic Middle Schools,”
(New York Times, January 3, 2007) A1.