What You Don’t Know about Leadership, But Probably Should: Applications to Daily Life

345 Pages·2018·14.89 MB·English

by  Jeffrey A. Kottler

i
What You Don’t Know
About Leadership,
but Probably Should
ii
iii
What You Don’t
Know About
Leadership, but
Probably Should
Applications to Daily Life
z
JEFFREY A. KOTTLER
1
iv
1
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ISBN 978– 0– 19– 062082– 0
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Printed by Sheridan Books, Inc., United States of America
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Contents
Preface  vii
Acknowledgments  xi
PART I: The Nature of Group Behavior at Work and Play
1. Leadership at Work and Play  3
2. What Most People Don’t Seem to Know and Understand
About Leadership  23
3. Facilitating Connections and Meaningful Interactions  52
PART II: How Leaders Try— and Usually Fail—to Make a Difference
4. Personal Qualities of Leaders: A Few Simple Things That
Make All the Difference  85
5. Really, Really Bad Leadership and What We Learn
from Our Mistakes  102
6. It’s Not About the Agenda, It’s All About Relationships  121
PART III: Skills and Interventions
7. Some Neglected Leadership Skills and Strategies  143
8. The Power of Storytelling to Inspire, Influence, and Persuade Others  167
9. Critical Incidents That Are Often Mishandled  190
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vi Contents
PART IV: Applications to Daily Life
10. Leadership Within Social, Family, and Community Life  213
11. Talking to Larger Groups Without Boring Them to Death  234
12. It’s Not Just About What You Do, but Who You Are  253
Notes  273
Select Bibliography  293
About the Author  303
Name Index  305
Subject Index 309
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Preface
We live in a world of groups. Almost every facet of daily existence—
whether sitting in meetings, collaborating with co- workers, attending classes
or programs, contributing to community or social events, participating in
family gatherings, even enjoying coffee or meals with friends—takes place in
group contexts. In addition, everyone finds themselves in leadership positions
at one time or another, responsible for the welfare of others, not to mention
being held accountable for successful outcomes whether those are defined in
terms of goal attainment, entertainment value, or safety issues.
Leadership isn’t just for traditional leaders anymore since teachers, par-
ents, health professionals, police officers, even Girl Scouts, practice these
skills on a regular basis. It is also curious, but nevertheless commonplace, that
counselors, therapists, teachers, business leaders, executives, coaches, health
professionals, and others in helping roles, who have been specifically trained
in leadership, somehow fail to apply their knowledge and skills to settings
in which they might matter most. The same professionals who guide others
may not be able— or willing— to put that knowledge to work when they find
themselves supervising peers, leading meetings, or even managing conflict at
the dinner table. The reality is that many people experience required meet-
ings and mandated group collaborations as tedious, repetitive, and often a
waste of time that could be better spent doing other things that feel far more
productive. Participants in meetings or groups are permitted to ramble and
talk incessantly about issues that lead nowhere meaningful. Some people talk
nonstop, repeating the same old stories, while others are never given a voice.
Others check out completely or surreptitiously scan their mobile devices for
messages.
Often leaders are so concerned with getting through their agenda that
they don’t attend to the needs of the people in the room to be heard, under-
stood, and feel as if they are active members of the proceedings. At other
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times, conflicts, hostility, withdrawal, hidden agendas, and dysfunctional
dynamics sabotage any attempt to keep things supportive and productive. At
best, such issues and simmering conflicts are denied or ignored; at worst, they
contribute to a toxic work or social environment in which people don’t feel
safe sharing their ideas for fear of ridicule or punishment.
It is more than a little ironic that although books and resources on leader-
ship issues are among the most consistently popular sellers each year, they are
obviously not particularly effective or else people would not continue buying
more of them! This is consistent with the whole genre of self- help books that
are allegedly designed to produce enduring change and yet only succeed in
addicting readers to purchase more products that clearly have limited value—
if the goal is to truly integrate ideas into daily life.
It’s also interesting to consider that whereas many professions require some
kind of credential, advanced degree, licensure, or certification to be consid-
ered minimally qualified, almost anyone can declare him- or herself a leader
if he or she can convince a few others to follow. There’s a line in the original
movie Parenthood when a character comments on how you need a license to
drive a car, or even catch a fish, but any jerk can be a parent. The same is cer-
tainly true with leaders as well, who may have ascended to a position of power
without necessarily any relevant training or qualifications to actually do the
job. In some cases, their signature qualifying trait was simply that they wanted
the job more than everyone else for reasons that were designed to bolster their
own self- serving interests.
Leadership is actually the single most studied aspect of all human behav ior,
even if most of the published books on the subject don’t have much enduring
effect. It has been estimated that somewhere between 30 to 70 percent (with
an average of 50 percent) of corporate managers are described as incompetent
in their roles, with any number of surveys reporting that three- quarters of
employees say the worst part of their job is dealing with a terrible boss who is
the single greatest source of their stress.1 In addition, in spite of all the train-
ing programs, business schools, leadership institutes, development and men-
toring programs, and coaching professionals, more than half of companies
report a scarcity of qualified leaders to step into critical positions.2
According to a study conducted by the Center for Creative Leadership,
most books on the subject are not very useful to professionals in the field.3
In fact, most of those interviewed in the private and public sector, as well as
small business owners, community activists, and educators, report that they
don’t find the most popular publications in the field to be particularly helpful
at all. Instead, they prefer reading fiction or self- help books that tell stories
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Preface ix
about characters with whom they can identify, especially if they involve a
struggle that might be connected to their own personal journey.
So, why does the world need another book on leadership given the more
than 50,000 titles that are already on the market? First of all, the advice in
many of the current options is usually rather logical and obvious, but rarely
very realistic to put into immediate action. One example of this trend is an
article titled, “10 Seconds to Take Your Leadership From Good to Great,”
which proclaims that it only takes a few moments to incorporate new strat-
egies into daily life, just a second to “create a compelling vision” and another
to “articulate your vision to others.” I don’t know about you, but I have always
thought that it takes considerable reflective time to see the bigger picture, and
really understand what might be going on, in any given situation.
It is also a bit of a mystery how so much training and resources in lead-
ership are available, so many think tanks and institutes are devoted to the
subject, so many mandated workshops and conferences on the subject take
place, so much expertise is accessible, yet the reality is that the practice of
these skills falls so miserably short of expectations. There is, unfortunately,
widespread incongruence between what leaders and helping professionals
supposedly know and are trained to do, versus how that expertise is translated
into constructive action.
This book translates the latest research, theory, and skills into practical
strategies that can be employed in every aspect of daily life, whether conducting
a conference, leading a meeting, doing a presentation, or even hosting a social
gathering. As the title suggests, it introduces ideas from an assortment of dis-
ciplines, including the social and biological sciences, organizational behavior,
and human services, that have been re- interpreted and adapted to other set-
tings in the worlds of business, education, healthcare, and everyday life. It inte-
grates the latest research on group dynamics and process components of group
behavior to fill the gaps that are often missing in effective and transformational
practices of leadership. It also presents the wisdom and successful strategies
of effective leaders from a wide variety of fields who talk not only about what
works best, but also what they’ve learned from their most miserable failures.
Most of the existing books and resources available, especially those that
have been most popular, either focus on prescriptive, practical advice about
what to say or do during leadership challenges, or they present conceptual
ideas related to how groups function and how they are best facilitated. Of
course, both approaches are useful, especially when they are integrated into
a style that feels organic and natural, rather than just following a template
created by someone else.