Table Of ContentChapter One
Madelyn Ramsey forced her leaden legs to move along
with the bustle of nurses and doctors. White coats and blue
scrubs flocked to the end of the conference room where the
newly promoted director of the Women’s Clinic at St. Lucy’s
Hospital accepted hugs and handshakes.
“Our best wishes, Dr. Preston.”
“Congratulations, Nick. You made it, man.”
“Let’s celebrate tonight at the Sea-Waves Bar,” Nick
Preston hollered over the joyful cacophony. “My treat,” he
specified with his usual charismatic grin.
“Yeah.” His staff cheered and scattered around.
Above the departing crowd, Nick’s gaze questioned hers.
Unease floated in the dark blue eyes of the over-confident
doctor. Madelyn moved closer to where he stood. She no longer
resented him for snatching the promotion she’d worked so hard
to obtain—the special Christmas gift she’d promised herself. To
no avail.
New concerns had toppled her ambitious dreams. For the
first time in her life, she was forced to concentrate on her
health and worry about unexpected problems. Heck, she’d be
lucky if she could continue to practice past the Christmas
holiday. Her fingers tingled and her hand shook at the horrible
prospect.
Lifting her chin, Madelyn smothered the anxiousness that
gnawed at her heart and reached the tall and handsome doctor
after most of the staff had withdrawn. “Nick, you’ll make a
wonderful director.” Ignoring his arms opened for a hug, she
congratulated the tall and handsome doctor with a bright
smile.
“No hard feelings?” He dropped his hands to his side and
tilted his head, peering at her under arched eyebrows. “You
tilted his head, peering at her under arched eyebrows. “You
badly wanted the position.”
“I did. But we competed. You won. You have more
experience anyway. Fair is fair.”
“It’s good to hear you say that. Thank you, Madelyn.” Still
his frown didn’t relax. “I hope I’ll see you at the Sea-Waves?”
Drinking, chatting, and cracking jokes in a bar were the
last items on her agenda tonight. She hesitated for a fraction
too long.
“If you’re too busy as usual…” Nick’s sensuous lips curled
at the corner with derision.
“Can’t miss such a special event, Dr. Preston. I’ll be there.
Probably a bit late. I have errands to run as soon as I leave the
hospital.” She’d turned down his invitation for dinner several
times in the past year, yet she didn’t want him to think she
resented him for his well-deserved promotion.
“As long as you show up, I’ll feel honored.” He broke into a
devilish smile that had worked its magic on weaker feminine
hearts.
Steel tweezers pinched her insides. But she chuckled
when his sober gaze focused on her. “Madelyn, I wish—”
“Sorry but I have to run now if I want to make it to your
celebration. See you later, Nick.”
“Sure. You’re always so busy.” He gave her a knowing
glance and nodded.
Without waiting for more, she spun and strode out of the
conference room. In her office, she peeled off her white coat,
gathered her purse, and braced herself for the most important
meeting of her life.
A moment later she cursed the heavy traffic as her Toyota
zoomed on Highway 95. Last week she’d managed to get an
appointment with a renowned neurologist in Miami. There was
no way on earth she’d visit a local doctor and risk unsavory
questions from well-intentioned acquaintances. Everyone in the
medical community of Fort Lauderdale knew each other and
too many reveled in gossip and explosive news. Dr. Ramsey
retiring from Neonatology at the tender age of thirty-five would
churn many imaginations. Oh God, I hope it doesn’t come to
that.
In the waiting room, she grabbed an outdated magazine
and sifted through the pages, hardly glancing at the pictures,
only to put it back on the side table and take a medical journal.
The commentaries about new facelift procedures and therapy
for autistic children didn’t retain her attention. She focused on
a preemie article and avidly read. Her fist clenched and
unclenched. How long would she be able to dwell in the
delivery room and save tiny patients?
“Ms. Ramsey, this way please.” No one had called her Ms.
Ramsay for ages. Her smile faded as she realized how much
she valued being called Dr. Ramsay. The medical assistant led
her to a small office. “Have a seat. Dr. Lu will be with you in a
moment.”
“Thank you.” Several diplomas hung on a wall and attested
to the physician’s competence. She had studied them at length
on her previous visit a week ago. Her back straight against the
leather chair, she surveyed the bookcase with a professional
look and perused the titles of the medical volumes on the
middle shelf, all related to the nervous system and its diseases.
Dr. Shawn Lu had been a good choice. She trusted him as
a doctor and a friend. He’d been her senior resident at George
Washington’s Hospital, years ago. Pressing both palms on her
knees, she urged herself to regain her calm and stop tapping
the rug.
“Good evening, Madelyn.”
“Hi, Shawn.”
He shook her hand, sat behind his desk, and opened a
large folder. “I have the results of your MRI, encephalogram,
and blood tests.”
Her fingers entwined in her lap. She twiddled her thumbs,
held her breath, and prayed.
“They confirm that the shaking of your hands and the two
seizures you had last week are early symptoms of epilepsy.”
His level tone sounded like a death sentence.
Her shoulders slumped. “Epi…lepsy?” The word lumped in
her throat and she couldn’t say more.
her throat and she couldn’t say more.
Shawn left his chair and came around to put a hand on her
shoulder. “You were right to identify it early on. We caught it in
time to start a course of treatment.” His reassuring voice would
have soothed a non-medical patient but did little to her frazzled
nerves.
“The disease will progress with time.” Head bent, she
mumbled. “I won’t be able to practice.”
“Who said so? Trust me, Madelyn, we can control it.”
“For how long?” With a big sigh, she opened her hands
and stared at her palms. She needed her hands steady to
continue to save babies.
“For as long as we can. Dr. Ramsay, I’m sure you always
tell your patients not to give up. One of my other epileptic
patients is a surgeon. He’s been on medication for ten years
and still operates. You’ll do the same.”
“You’re right,” she said, too drained to argue.
“I know you’re depressed at the moment. But with the
proper treatment, you can lead a normal life, continue to
practice.”
“What if I collapse in the delivery room? What if my hands
tremble while I’m holding a preemie?” Her voice wobbled. “I
may kill a baby instead of resuscitating him.”
“You won’t. Because you usually have an aura at the
beginning of your seizure, you’ll feel it coming. If it happens,
you can ask a nurse to help you hold the baby. So far you’ve
only suffered absence seizures where you stare blankly into
space. You’ve never collapsed. We will monitor you carefully. I
also want you to get enough sleep and avoid stress.”
“Avoid stress?” A bitter chuckle escaped her. “Do you have
a medicine for that too?”
“I wish I had. I’d have taken it myself. Anyway, do your
best. To avoid stress, I’ll advise you not to talk about your
condition—”
“Not even with my boss and colleagues? Is it ethical?”
“I’d rather have you not tell anyone for the next two
weeks. You can always tell them later if the disease
progresses.” He gave her a glance full of pity, the same glance
she gave the parents of her little patients when announcing bad
she gave the parents of her little patients when announcing bad
news.
His last words buzzed in her ears. If the disease
progresses. A shudder raked her.
Shawn grabbed her shoulders and captured her gaze. “The
less you think about your condition the better. You should
realize that if you’re continuously stressed, you may
hyperventilate and imagine symptoms you don’t really feel.”
“Of course, a type of induced crisis.” She’d studied about
such illusory cases during her psychiatric rotation and
wondered at the time how people could create their own
diseases. “Unfortunately, mine is too real.” Tears tickled her
eyes.
“Madelyn, trust me. I’ll do everything possible to help you
lead a normal life.”
“I assume I shouldn’t drink alcohol?”
“No alcohol at all.” He shook his head.
“We’re celebrating Nick Preston’s promotion tonight.”
“Ah, the position you so badly wanted? I’m sorry.”
She waved away his sympathy.
“You can have a sip or two of light beer. Nothing
stronger.”
With a superhuman effort, she smiled and nodded.“Thank
you, Shawn. I’ll report to you next week.”
He held the door for her and squeezed her hand. “Call me
if you need to talk.”
“Sure.” She walked out as fast as she could.
Afraid her tears might blur her vision, she avoided the
highway and turned onto Route 1. Instead of listening to tapes
of medical presentations, she switched on the radio. Passionate
songs filled the silence of the car. As if she needed some stupid
singer to needle her with tender words of love and forever.
Exasperated, she tapped the radio button off.
Thank God, she’d reached most of her professional goals
and didn’t regret her decisions to remain single.
Until now? She could have been married like Heather and
holding adorable babies, or preparing a wedding like Claire
and Tiffany. Her younger sisters had managed to enjoy a
husband—fiancé, or boyfriend—without neglecting their jobs.
Not Madelyn. Medical school, innumerable exams, and hospital
training had engulfed her life. Later, she devoted one-hundred
percent of her time and energy to her career.
Her fingers clutched the steering wheel so hard her nails
dug into the leather. Where had the time gone?
To think she’d come up with one reason after another to
shun relationships and concentrate on her patients. How often
had she reassured herself there’d be plenty of time to slow
down and start living later? At thirty? Maybe thirty five? Or
when she’d reached the directorship that now belonged to Nick
Preston?
The same Nick she’d rejected in the past—not because
they’d competed at work. Be honest. Deep down she’d been too
afraid to fall in love and waste precious hours that should be
dedicated to her tiny patients.
A wail escaped her dry throat. Now her career was in
limbo. Now, marriage and family would be stowed in a folder of
unfulfilled dreams. Not that she had ever planned to get
pregnant soon. But thanks to the powerful medicines that could
cause deformities in a fetus, having babies was an absolute no-
no. Uncontrollable sobs shook her shoulders.
Stop stressing. She could hear Shawn chastizing her.
How? When every thought brought a bucketful of regrets
and stress? She forced her fingers to stop strangling the
steering wheel and relax.
Maybe she could still have the fun she’d deprived herself
of so far. Fun would numb her pain. She punched a few more
buttons on the radio until rock music blared. Tears rolling
down her cheeks, she hiccupped and sang along as loud as she
could until she drove into the garage under her building and
checked the time.
Seven-o’clock already? She was late for the get-together at
the bar. What did it matter? A few minutes or a few hours
would not make a difference. She showered and changed into
an outfit less severe than her daily uniform of business
pantsuits and shirts. Maybe the mini-dress her sister Roxanne
pantsuits and shirts. Maybe the mini-dress her sister Roxanne
had given her for her birthday and refused to exchange for a
more respectable outfit. Something frivolous that would make
her forget the tough decisions she’d have to face soon.
****
Sitting on a stool at the bar, Nick finished his third scotch,
moved his glass away, and motioned to the barman for a refill.
For the past hour, he’d chatted, joked, toasted, and reveled in
Madelyn’s promise to attend his little celebration. His gaze
never wavered from the mirror reflecting the entrance door
and the huge Christmas tree in the corner.
Eight-thirty and she wasn’t here yet. He should have
known that Dr. Ramsay would never give him the time of the
day. Even more so now that he’d stolen the position she
wanted. He stirred the ice in his glass and exhaled. She stood
him up again. So what was new?
Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind once and for all?
Disgusted with himself for allowing her to get under his skin,
he raised his glass to gulp his drink. His hand froze midway
and he stared at the image in the mirror.
Madelyn? No way on earth. His jaw sagged. He blinked
several times and spun toward the door. His eyes rounded. And
then he smiled at the incredible picture of Dr. Ramsay in a
skin-tight, little white thing that hugged her figure the way
he’d love to hug her. Bolting from his stool, he navigated his
way toward the exquisite woman standing at the door,
scanning the crowd.
“Madelyn, thank…thank you for coming.” He swallowed
and hesitated as he reached her. His gaze caressed the creamy
expanse of flesh exposed by her strapless mini-dress. Would
she jump back if he tried to hug her?
She came forward, a bright smile on her face, and
wrapped her arms around him. “Congratulations again, Nick.
I’m so happy for you,” she said against his ear. Her perfume
sensitized every nerve ending in his body.
His instincts on alert after his first shock, he pressed her
against him for a few seconds, and released her right away.
against him for a few seconds, and released her right away.
This new Madelyn didn’t seem real. “I’m so glad you made it.
Come, let’s have a drink.” His hand light on her back, he led
her to a table for two and held a chair for her.
She sat and crossed her legs. He forced himself not to
stare at her perfect thighs and shifted his gaze to her face.
“I’m sorry I came so late. I had a few errands to run.”
“No problem at all.” Pulling a chair, he settled across from
her and admired the golden brown curls cascading down her
naked back. He was a sucker for long hair and hated the tight
bun she knotted in the back of her head at work.
Tonight she looked so different with rows of silver chains
hanging around her neck and a black pendant nestled in her
cleavage. Even her eyes seemed bigger, greener, stretched and
highlighted with makeup. Would this new Madelyn be more
accessible? He would still tread carefully around her, for fear
she might disappear if he made a wrong move.
Their friends noticed her presence and gathered around.
Greg Hayes, his assistant, whistled. “Dear God, Madelyn, why
have you been hiding all this time?”
“Did I drink too much already?” Sandra Morelli, the
pediatric head nurse, leaned toward Nick’s new guest and
rubbed her forehead. “Is that you, my dear friend Madelyn, our
serious Dr. Ramsay?”
A few more colleagues joined them with exclamations and
giggles about Madelyn’s transformation.
“Stop it, you guys. Don’t make me blush,” she said with a
delicious pout he’d give a month’s salary to taste. “Tonight is a
special time for Nick.”
No kidding. A cough clogged his throat. Greg hit his back
while bursting into a big laugh. “Swallowing wrong, my
friend?”
Nick scowled at Greg and mouthed a go to hell. “We need
to toast. Waiter, over here please. What will you have,
Madelyn?”
“A light Michelob in a can.”
“And another round of drinks for everyone.”
When they all had their drinks in hands, Madelyn
When they all had their drinks in hands, Madelyn
surprised him by raising her can. “To our new director. May
our hospital continue to prosper under Dr. Preston’s successful
leadership.” She clinked her can against his glass.
“Thank you.” He nodded, touched by her wish. If she was
any one else but the serious Dr. Ramsay, he would have taken
her in his arms and crushed her with a hug. Although, he’d
often visualized them sharing more erotic poses than he’d ever
dare to confess.
They enjoyed a few more toasts. The waiter came again
with refills. Nick grabbed Madelyn’s can to push it aside but
she took it from him. “I had enough.”
He fixed a puzzled look on her hand. The container was
still almost full. “You haven’t had much?”
“I’m good,” she said, covering her beer with her hand. He
didn’t insist.
One by one, their friends wished him the best with a hug
or a clap on the back.
“Nicky, sweetheart.” More than half-drunk, Dr. Kathy
Raynes swayed toward him and glued her lips to his. Her heavy
perfume and the smell of beer nauseated him. He’d dated her
in the past. Now he cursed her public display and disentangled
himself. Over her shoulder, he met Madelyn’s gaze. Instead of
the disapproving high eyebrows that had previously
condemned him without trial, she faced him with a sober look.
“Goodnight, Kathy. Goodnight Greg.” He pushed them
away, and whispered in his friend’s ear to make sure Kathy
arrived home safely. Greg nodded. They finally left and he
breathed better.
“Our friends are gone, but then they came earlier than
me.” Madelyn didn’t seem in a rush to leave. Nothing could
please him more than to stay and chat with her for hours. She
considered him for a moment and smiled. What a gorgeous
smile. His heart somersaulted. He covered her hand and
immediately withdrew. Having received the cold shoulder way
too often, he waited for her to give him a lead on how to act
around her new persona.
“Another beer,” he asked and could have punched himself
at the stupidity of his question. She’d hardly touched the first
