The Simple Guide to Sensitive Boys. How to Nurture Children and Avoid Trauma

106 Pages·2018·0.6 MB·English

by  Betsy de Thierry

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What do Pablo Picasso, Prince and
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This highly readable guide shows adults how to understand and care for boys whose behaviour uid How to Nurture Children
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norms on boys can cause them great harm, and fl ips the old stereotypes about sensitive boys t and Avoid Trauma
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being shy, anxious and prone to bullying on their heads to highlight the strengths that sensitivity
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Full of simple yet sage advice on how to improve children’s wellbeing, this book will help you to iv
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create a supportive environment in which boys can embrace their individuality, fi nd their own
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place in the world and be the best they can be. o
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‘My hope is that a copy of this book will be everywhere that boys and those B
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raising them can be found, and that it becomes THE gift to a family every t
time a boy is born.’ sy de
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– Jane Evans, speaker, trainer and author specialising in children’s mental health e T thierry
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‘My son is a boy you would describe as sensitive. He’s gentle, kind, creative and r
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soft-hearted. I read this book because I want to build upon his strengths and
not tear them down. [It’s] informative, helpful and motivating. Check it out!’
– Jennifer Castro, mother of a sensitive boy
Betsy de Thierry is a mum of
four brilliant boys, a practising Jessica Kingsley Publishers
psychotherapist and founder of two
organisations that offer therapy and
therapeutic education across the UK.
Foreword by llustrated by
www.jkp.com
Cover design: www.ironicitalics.com JKP Jane Evans Emma Reeves
Cover image: Emma Reeves

The Simple Guide to Sensitive Boys
also in the Simple Guides series
The Simple Guide to Child Trauma
What It Is and How to Help
Betsy de Thierry
Illustrated by Emma Reeves
Foreword by David Shemmings
ISBN 978 1 78592 136 0
eISBN 978 1 78450 401 4
of related interest
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The Gender Agenda
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Ros Ball and James Millar
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eISBN 978 1 78450 633 9
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ISBN 978 1 78592 782 9
eISBN 978 1 78450 702 2
The Simple Guide
to Sensitive Boys
How to Nurture Children
and Avoid Trauma
BETSY DE THIERRY
Foreword by Jane Evans
Illustrated by Emma Reeves
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
First published in 2018
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Betsy de Thierry 2018
Illustrations copyright © Emma Reeves 2018
Foreword copyright © Jane Evans 2018
Front cover image source: Emma Reeves
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any
material form (including photocopying, storing in any medium by electronic
means or transmitting) without the written permission of the copyright owner
except in accordance with the provisions of the law or under terms of a licence
issued in the UK by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd. www.cla.co.uk or in
overseas territories by the relevant reproduction rights organisation, for details
see www.ifrro.org. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to
reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may
result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78592 325 8
eISBN 978 1 78450 639 1
To Jeremy, Andrew, Josh, Ben, Jonah and Noah.

CONTENTS
Foreword by Jane Evans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
1 . Understanding Sensitive Boys 13
Our expectation of men and boys . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Overwhelm and turmoil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Building resilience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
2 . How Are Boys Different? 25
‘Boys will be boys’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
‘Boys don’t cry’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
The important role of sensitive men in our society. . . 28
Scientific evidence of male sensitivity . . . . . . . . . 29
So what is masculinity? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
3 . Feeling Different, Feeling Rejected 34
‘Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me?’ . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
The need for emotional connection . . . . . . . . . . 36
Rejection and physical pain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
The value of creativity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
The sense of belonging . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40
4 . Putting on Invisible Armour or Shutting Down 43
The feeling of being skinless . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
Creating an emotional armour. . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
Shutting down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
How can a sensitive male come back to life again? . . 48
5 . Our Subconscious and the Impact of Bullying 52
Parent pressure and expectation . . . . . . . . . . . . 52
The impact of early years . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
The threat response and the consequences
of feeling fear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
Our subconscious responses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
The power of shame . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
Bullying can cause deep shame . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
6 . Relationships that Create Resilience 63
Attachment and attunement . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
7 . Managing Fear and Worry 73
Protecting sensitive boys . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74
8 . What Does Anxiety Look Like in Children? 81
Ways to reduce anxiety. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
Self-regulation activities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
Helping children to understand emotions . . . . . . . 85
How to discipline a sensitive child. . . . . . . . . . . 86
Perfectionism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
9 . Believing the Best about Children 90
Reflecting on how the sensitive boy is
doing emotionally . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90
Emotional connection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
Confidence versus arrogance . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
Our mission to change society for the better . . . . . 92
References and Recommended Reading . . . . . . . . . . . . 94
Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97