The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook: Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation and Gender Expression

224 Pages·2018·7.46 MB·English

by  Anneliese Singh

“In these times, where queer and trans people are continually the targets of violence, discrimi-
nation, and archaic public accommodation policies, it is hopeful and necessary that we focus
on power and resilience. The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook is a useful and refresh-
ing guide to the possibilities of restoration and transformation for queer and transgender
people.”
— Holiday Simmons, MSW, social justice advocate, facilitator, public speaker,
and healer
“We each have an opportunity to explore ourselves profoundly as we evolve in our lives as
queer and trans people, and this workbook provides unique and engaging guidance. Enjoy
exploring your resilient self!”
— Danielle Castro, MA, MFT, director of research for the Center of Excellence
for Transgender Health at the University of California, San Francisco

THE
QUEER &
TRANSGENDER
RESILIENCE
WORKBOOK
Skills for Navigating Sexual Orientation & Gender Expression
ANNELIESE SINGH, P D, LPC
h
N h P , i .
ew arbiNger ubLiCatioNs NC
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter
covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, finan-
cial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a compe-
tent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2018 by Anneliese A. Singh
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Ryan Buresh
Edited by Kristi Hein
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
For Lenny Zenith, Jeanine Grimes, Cherie Schwab, the city of New
Orleans, and the country of India— you all taught me everything I
needed to know about being resilient and embracing the queer and
trans parts of me I was taught by society to hide.
For my beloved, Lauren Lukkarila— each step with you is a sacred
unfolding that not only makes me a better person but also helps me
be more of who I truly am. I love you with all of me!
For the queer and trans community of Atlanta— may we all continue to manifest
the liberation movements rooted in beloved community, equity, and justice.
For all the queer and trans liberation movements around the world—our
lives and histories are ancient and beautiful. May we remember our true and
deepest liberation within ourselves, and with one another, more and more.

Contents
Foreword by Diane Ehrensaft vii
Introduction: Why Resilience Is Important for Queer and Trans People 1
1 Getting Real: Defining Your LGBTQ Self in a World That Demands Conformity 7
2 You Are More Than Your Gender and Sexual Orientation 29
3 Further Identifying Negative Messages 53
4 Knowing Your Self- Worth 71
5 Standing Up for Yourself 93
6 Affirming and Enjoying Your Body 109
7 Building Relationships and Creating Community 125
8 Getting Support and Knowing Your Resources 141
9 Getting Inspired 165
10 Making Change and Giving Back 177
11 Growing and Thriving 191
Acknowledgments 205
Resources 207
References 209

Foreword
by Diane Ehrensaft
It is afternoon, June 23, 2017. With great pleasure, I am sitting at my computer in Oakland,
California, writing the foreword to The Queer and Trans Resilience Workbook. This day also
marks the start of the 45th annual San Francisco Pride celebration, opening with the Trans
March later today. And what is the theme of this year’s Trans March? “Celebrating Resilience
with Love and Resistance”— a title chosen, I’m speculating, without ever having seen Anneliese
Singh’s inspiring workbook, given that it is not yet in print. My point: resilience is in the air,
having been discovered by so many of us as the crux of health, well- being, and transcendence
for the LGBTQ community. For so many years, in trying to make a more equitable and accept-
ing world, we have focused on teaching tolerance. Now it is time to teach resilience— the
inner strength and centered sense of self and community that is never a given but rather a
communal accomplishment.
Allow me to go back in time for a moment. First let me situate myself. I am a cisgender
straight woman, pronouns she/her/hers, a dyed- in- the- wool feminist of the 1960s, a mother of
a grown- up gay son (once a gender expansive little boy), and the director of mental health of
the Child and Adolescent Gender Center. So now let’s visit 1967. I was a senior in college and
graduating from the honors psych program at University of Michigan. Our faculty advisor
called a meeting of all the women in the program. He sat us all down and advised us not to
apply to graduate school because we would only take up men’s spaces and later drop out to get
married and have babies. He showed us a graph of dropout rates of female compared to male
graduate students to prove his point. We were stunned, but not one of us stormed out or
stormed at him in the face of his egregious sexist macroaggression. Instead, our revenge was to
go on to get PhDs— every single one of us. In a way, we exercised our resilience through
action, but not in a way that would stop that same faculty advisor from delivering the same
outrageous message to the next cohort of women in the honors psych program. If only we’d
had resilience building similar to what Singh so expertly offers to the LGBTQ community in
the workbook you are about to embark on, it could have been better.
LGBTQ resilience— what’s it all about? It’s about coming out to yourself and then coming
out to others, on your own timeline. It’s about recognizing the evolution of gender and sexual-
ity across your lifetime— who you are today may change over time, and that’s something to