The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships

273 Pages·2001·1.05 MB·English

by  Beverly Engel

B u s i n e s s C u l i n a r y A r c h i t e c t u r e
C o m p u t e r G e n e r a l I n t e r e s t
C h i l d r e n L i f e S c i e n c e s B i o g r a p h y
A c c o u n t i n g F i n a n c e M a t h e m a t i c s
H i s t o r y S e l f - I m p r o v e m e n t H e a l t h
E n g i n e e r i n g G r a p h i c D e s i g n
A p p l i e d S c i e n c e s P s y c h o l o g y
I n t e r i o r D e s i g n B i o l o g y C h e m i s t r y
e
WILEY
B O O K
WILEY
JOSSEY-BASS
PFEIFFER
J.K.LASSER
CAPSTONE
WILEY-LISS
WILEY-VCH
WILEY-INTERSCIENCE
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The Power
o
f
Apology
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Also by Beverly Engel:
The Right to Innocence
Divorcing a Parent
The Emotionally Abused Woman
Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman
Partners in Recovery
Familes in Recovery
Raising Your Sexual Self-Esteem
Beyond the Birds and the Bees
Blessings from the Fall
The Parenthood Decision
Sensual Sex
Loving Him without Losing You
Women Circling the Earth
Engel/fm 5/31/01 8:58 AM Page iii
The Power
o
f
Apology
Healing Steps to Transform
All Your Relationships
BEVERLY ENGEL
John Wiley & Sons,Inc.
● ● ● ● ●
New York Chichester Weinheim Brisbane Singapore Toronto
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Copyright © 2001 by Beverly Engel. All rights reserved
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Design and production by Navta Associates, Inc.
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standing that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional
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services of a competent professional person should be sought.
With the exception of public figures or those cited in the media, the
names and identifying characteristics of everyone in this book have been
changed to protect their confidentiality.
This title is also available in print as ISBN 0-471-39907-8.
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I dedicate this book to those who
have had the courage to apologize and
to those who were able to accept a
meaningful apology when given.
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Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction 1
PART ONE
The Power of Apology 9
CHAPTER 1 Apology Is for Everyone 11
CHAPTER 2 Why Learning to Give, Receive, and Ask for
Apologies Is So Important 22
CHAPTER 3 Why Apologizing Is Difficult for Some and Too
Easy for Others 37
PART TWO
Learn How to Give a Meaningful
Apology 53
CHAPTER 4 The Right and Wrong Way to Apologize 55
vii
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viii CONTENTS
PART THREE
Learn How to Receive and Accept
Apologies 77
CHAPTER 5 Opening the Door with Empathy 79
CHAPTER 6 Overcoming the Seven Obstacles to
Forgiveness 87
CHAPTER 7 There Is a Time to Forgive—and a Time to
Forget About Forgiving 109
PART FOUR
Learn How to Ask for an Apology 119
CHAPTER 8 Silence Isn’t Always Golden 121
PART FIVE
Transform AllYour Relationships
Through Apology 129
CHAPTER 9 Healing Your Relationship with Yourself 131
CHAPTER 10 Healing Your Past, Step 1: Make Your
Apology List 141
CHAPTER 11 Healing Your Past, Step 2: Make Amends 152
CHAPTER 12 Healing Your Family When There Has Been
an Estrangement 165
CHAPTER 13 Healing Your Marriage or Romantic
Relationship 180
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CONTENTS ix
CHAPTER 14 Teach Your Children Well 203
CHAPTER 15 Healing Your Business Relationships Through
Respect and Compassion 219
CHAPTER 16 Conclusion: The Apology Movement 230
APPENDIX
Two Ideas to Consider:Apology Circles
and Restorative Justice 237
References 241
Recommended Reading 243
Index 000