The Nearness of Others: Searching for Tact and Contact in the Age of HIV

356 Pages·2014·1.342 MB·English

by  David Caron

The NearNess of oThers
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The NearNess
of oThers
Searching
for Tact
and
Contact
in the
Age of
HIV
David Caron
University of Minnesota Press
Minneapolis
London
Portions of “Tact” were previously published as “Tactful Encounters: AIDS, the Holocaust,
and the Problematics of Bearing Witness,” Yale French Studies 118– 19 (2010): 155– 73. Portions
of “Disclosure” were previously published as “Adventures in Online Cruising,” Achieve:
A Quarterly Journal on HIV Prevention, Treatment, and Politics 5, nos. 1– 2 (2012): 6– 9.
Copyright 2014 by the Regents of the University of Minnesota
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published by the University of Minnesota Press
111 Third Avenue South, Suite 290
Minneapolis, MN 55401– 2520
http://www.upress.umn.edu
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Caron, David (David Henri), author.
The nearness of others : searching for tact and contact in the age of HIV / David Caron.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-8166-9175-3 (hc)
ISBN 978-0-8166-9179-1 (pb)
1. HIV-positive gay men—Biography. 2. HIV-positive gay men—Psychology. I. Title.
RC606.55.C37 2014
362.19697'920086642—dc23
2013050941
Printed in the United States of America on acid- free paper
The University of Minnesota is an equal- opportunity educator and employer.
20 19 18 17 16 15 14 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Our hands are often carried where we direct them not.
— Montaigne
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CoNTeNTs
Diagnosis / 1
I Got Slim / 3
Footnotes / 6
RB on TB / 7
All AIDS, All the Time! / 8
It Is Tempting to Forget / 9
Nights You Can’t Sleep / 11
Depression Is Crazy / 12
Depression and Life / 14
Depression and Metaphor / 15
Passing / 16
Depression and Incongruity / 17
Depressed Thinking / 18
Making Sense / 19
Political Discomfort / 21
Thinking of Bleeding / 25
Kids Say the Darndest Things / 26
Negative Logic and a Positive Point of View / 27
“How Can Plain Curiosity Be Unkind? ” / 29
Towel Stories (I) / 30
Diabetes? Cholesterol? Something Else? / 31
The AIDS Crisis Is Not Over / 33
Speaking of HIV / 34
Old Friends, New Friends / 38
Famous Last Words / 39
Tough as Nail Polish / 40
No Therapy / 41
Unspoken Knowledge / 42
From Hervé Guibert’s Hospital Diary (I) / 43
Hospital Visits / 44
From Hervé Guibert’s Hospital Diary (II) / 47
Star Entrance / 48
Star Exit / 49
The Dream Sequence / 50
I Died a Thousand Deaths (All of Them Gorgeous) / 52
others / 53
The New World / 55
Three Thousand Deaths in One Day / 56
Waiting / 57
Nearness and Neighborliness / 59
Beckoning and Appealing / 63
Incomplete Strangers / 67
Ground Zero / 68
“I’m Going to Die, Aren’t I? ” / 69
Happy Hour at the Cox / 70
Naked Arab Bodies / 72
S- 21 / 74
The Modernity of Torture / 76
The E.R. Episode / 77
Truth and Torture / 78
Dining with French People / 80
Encountering the Strange / 87
Times Square Lost / 90
In the City and Out / 91
From Public Schools to Public Pools / 92
Particular Bodies / 94
The Falling Man / 97
Towel Stories (II) / 100
One Drop of Blood / 101
Disclosure / 107
Shame and Experience / 109
The Doorstep of Shame / 110
Forget Your Health / 111
Disclosures and Surfaces / 114
Obama’s Disclosures, Forever Deferred / 115
Chat (I) / 117
Chat (II) / 118
Adventures in Online Cruising / 119
On the Question of Barebacking, Very Briefly / 127
Coda to the Story of k*** / 129
Touchiness / 131
Reason to Exclude / 132
The Stories of AIDS / 133
Academic Talk / 135
A Brief History of HIV/AIDS Disclosure / 137
Founding Mothers / 141
Look Back in Anger (When AIDS Was All the Rage) / 143
Uttering AIDS / 144
Where’s the Police When You Need ’Em? / 148
What I Said and How I Said It / 150
The Purloined Letter / 157
So Am I / 158
Small Talk / 161
The Story of the Raconteurs / 162
Compatible Discordance / 164