Table Of Content
MORE PRAISE FOR THE ETHICAL SLUT
“The Ethical Slut was the very book that freed my own sexuality, and also led me down the path of becoming
a sex therapist. It’s rare to find a book with the capacity to both expand your sexual intelligence and also
raise your sexual confidence. We need more brilliant authors like Hardy and Easton and this liberating
book.”
—CHRIS DONAGHUE, PhD, CST, author of Sex Outside the Lines and cohost of the Loveline
podcast
“As an ethical slut myself, I was overjoyed to devour this new updated sexually diverse and eye-opening pie.
Sluts unite ethically!”
—David Henry Sterry, best-selling author of Chicken: Self-portrait of a Young Man for Rent
PRAISE FOR THE SECOND EDITION
“The Ethical Slut is one of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your
lifestyle choices. It’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you
want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity. An absolute masterpiece and a must-read!”
—ANNIE SPRINKLE, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex
“Many people wish for and dream of a wider world sexually and live out their lives unable to find the
courage to explore. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and loving look at that exploration.”
—DAVID CROSBY, musician and author of Since Then
“This book is the definitive guide to having your marriage and eating other people too. The Ethical Slut made
me the ethical slut I am today, and I am so proud!”
—MARGARET CHO, comedian and author of I’m the One That I Want
“The Ethical Slut, in this new and expanded edition, is the definitive guide for creating and sustaining all
conscious relationships—polyamorous, open, alternative, and monogamous. Don’t enter into another
relationship without it!”
—BARBARA CARRELLAS, author of Urban Tantra
“Dossie and Janet’s blend of good humor and forthright honesty makes for some of the best writing I have
found on sexually complicated relationships and blended family options. Engaging, disarming, forthright—
this is the book for those of us still brave enough to make the ethically complex choices.”
—DOROTHY ALLISON, author of Bastard Out of Carolina
Copyright © 2017 by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ten Speed Press,
an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New
York.
www.crownpublishing.com
www.tenspeed.com
Ten Speed Press and the Ten Speed Press colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin
Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the publisher.
Trade Paper ISBN 9780399579660
Ebook ISBN 9780399579677
v4.1
a
Contents
PART ONE: WELCOME
1: Who Is an Ethical Slut?
2: Myths and Realities
3: Our Beliefs
4: Slut Styles
5: Battling Sex Negativity
6: Building a Culture of Consent
7: Infinite Possibilities
PART TWO: THE PRACTICE OF SLUTHOOD
8: Abundance
9: Slut Skills
10: Boundaries
11: The Unethical Slut
12: Flirting and Cruising
13: Keeping Sex Safe
14: Childrearing
PART THREE: NAVIGATING CHALLENGES
15: Roadmaps through Jealousy
16: Embracing Conflict
17: Making Agreements
18: Opening an Existing Relationship
PART FOUR: SLUTS IN LOVE
19: Making Connection
20: Couples and Groups
21: The Single Slut
22: The Ebb and Flow of Relationships
23: Sex and Pleasure
24: Public Sex, Group Sex, and Orgies
CONCLUSION: A SLUT UTOPIA
A SLUT’S GLOSSARY
FURTHER READING
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
INDEX
Exercises
Sluts We Know and Love
Some Affirmations to Try
Practice Makes Perfect
How Do You Experience Jealousy?
Reassurance
Fifteen Ways to Be Kind to Yourself
Treasures
Feelings Dyad
Eight Steps to Win-Win Conflict Resolution
What Is Anger Good For?
Hierarchy of Hard
The Twenty-Minute Fight
The Airport Game
A Healthy Breakup
The Process-Free Date
A Hot Date with Yourself
Yes, No, Maybe
More Fun with Your “Yes, No, Maybe” List
Get Loud
1
WHO IS AN ETHICAL SLUT?
Many people dream of having an abundance of love and sex and friendship. Some
believe that such a life is impossible and settle for less than they want, feeling
always a little lonely, a little frustrated. Others try to achieve their dream but are
thwarted by outside social pressures or by their own emotions, and decide that
such dreams must stay in the realm of fantasy. A few, though, persist and discover
that being openly loving, intimate, and sexual with many people is not only
possible but can be more rewarding than they ever imagined.
People have been succeeding at free love for many centuries—often quietly,
without much fanfare. In this book, we will share the techniques, the skills, and
the ideals that have made it work for them.
So who is an ethical slut? We are. Many, many others are. Maybe you are too. If
you dream of freedom, if you dream of intimacy both hot and profound, if you
dream of an abundance of friends and flirtation and affection, of following your
desires and seeing where they take you, then you’ve already taken the first step.
Why We Chose This Title
From the moment you saw or heard about this book, you probably guessed that
some of the terms may not have the meanings you’re accustomed to.
What kind of people would revel in calling themselves sluts? And why would
they insist on being recognized for their ethics?
In most of the world, slut is a highly offensive term used to describe a woman
whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note
that the analogous words stud or player, used to describe a highly sexual man, are
often terms of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will
probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you
ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about whom she shares
sex with and under what conditions. We have a problem with this.
So we are proud to reclaim the word slut as a term of approval, even endearment.
To us, a slut is a person of any gender who celebrates sexuality according to the
radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. Sluts may choose
to have no sex at all or to get cozy with the Fifth Fleet. They may be heterosexual,
homosexual, asexual, or bisexual, radical activists or peaceful suburbanites.
As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for
good, activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives,
open spiritual awareness, even change the world. Furthermore, we believe that
every consensual intimate relationship has these potentials and that any erotic
pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative
force in the lives of individuals and their communities.
Sluts share their sexuality the way philanthropists share their money: because
they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because
sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more love and sex
they give away, the more they have: a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and
generosity go hand in hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in
sexual abundance!
About You
Maybe you dream of maintaining several long-term sexual and intimate
relationships. Maybe your dream is of a lot of friendships that may or may not
include sex. Maybe the idea of genital sex holds no interest for you but you still
want to form a warm, loving partnership…or two or three. Maybe you want
monogamy but a kind of monogamy that you and your partner have created
according to your own desires and not the blueprint handed down by the greater
culture. Maybe you want to be single, connecting where and how you want without
changing your fundamental independence. Maybe you want to be part of a couple
that occasionally shares a bed with a mutually desirable third party or that takes a
planned night away from monogamy every now and then. Maybe you dream of
three-way or four-way or orgiastic connections. Maybe you cherish solitude and
