The emotionally absent mother : how to overcome your childhood neglect when you don't know where to start & meditations and affirmations to help you overcome childhood neglect

64 Pages·2014·0.47 MB·English

by  Anderson

The Emotionally Absent Mother

How to Overcome Your Childhood Neglect
When You Don’t Know Where To Start

&

Meditations And Affirmations to help you
overcome Childhood Neglect

J.L. Anderson

© 2014 Copyright. 3rd Edition.
Text copyright reserved. J.L. Anderson

The contents of this book may not be reproduced, duplicated or transmitted
without direct written permission from the author.
Disclaimer : all attempts have been made by the author to provide factual and accurate content. No
responsibility will be taken by the author for any damages caused by misuse of the content described in this
book. The content of this book has been derived from various sources. Please consult a licensed
professional before attempting any techniques outlined in this book.
Table Of Contents

Part 1
The Emotionally Absent Mother
How to Overcome Your Childhood Neglect When You Don’t Know Where
To Start
Introduction
Chapter 1: What Is an Emotionally Absent Mother?
Chapter 2: Emotional Abandonment Is the Core Issue
Chapter 3: Recognize Why your Mother Was Emotionally Absent
Chapter 4: Face Feelings of Anger, Resentment and Hurt
Chapter 5: Forgive Your Mother and Forgive Yourself
Chapter 6: Separate Past Emotions from Your Current Situation
Chapter 7: Recognize that You Deserve to Love and Be Loved
Chapter 8: Nurture Yourself and Allow Others to Nurture You
Chapter 9: Learn to Trust
Chapter 10: Be More Independent In Relationships
Chapter 11: Be Present In Your Adult Relationships
Chapter 12: Learn to Give and Receive Affection
Chapter 13: Be the Parent You Wish Your Mother Had Been
Chapter 14: Shift Your Focus Outward and Forward
Conclusion
Part 2
The Emotionally Absent Mother
Meditations And Affirmations To Help You Overcome Childhood Neglect.
Introduction
Chapter 1: Why Meditation if Beneficial For Yourself
Chapter 2: How To Teach Yourself To Meditate
Chapter 3: Types of Meditation That You Can Use
Chapter 4: How To Best Use Daily Affirmations To Help You Overcome Childhood Neglect
Chapter 5: Daily Affirmations to Recite To Help Promote Healing
Conclusion

Part 1

The Emotionally Absent Mother

How to Overcome Your Childhood Neglect When You
Don’t Know Where To Start
Introduction

Society has a great deal of sympathy for children whose mothers were physically
absent. When someone has lost their mother by death, divorce or separation, it is
natural to assume that person will have problems as they grow into adulthood.
People understand this easily and make allowances for it.

It is less common for people to understand the significance of having a mother
who does not provide the emotional nurture a child needs. Even the children of
such mothers rarely realize the impact emotional abandonment has on their
present lives.

Have you ever felt that your mother was “just not there for you” when you were
a child? If so, you might be the child of an emotionally distant mother. Time
alone cannot heal this trauma. You need to take positive steps in your life to
overcome the issues involved.

The purpose of this book is to help you understand what emotional abandonment
is and deal with those core issues now, in your current life. By taking control of
your feelings and your life, you can establish better, more independent
relationships with others. You can love yourself more and accept love from
others. Most importantly, you can learn to put the past behind you and move on
to a brighter future.
Chapter 1: What Is an Emotionally Absent Mother?

The first step to overcoming any problem is giving it a name. You might be
wondering right now whether your mother was indeed emotionally absent. After
all, it is natural to want to defend your mother against any accusations. But think
of it this way: you are not learning about this issue to judge and condemn your
mother. You are here to understand what happened in your early life and find
ways to get past it. Here are some of the ways your mother might have exhibited
her emotional distance.

Failed to Show You Affection

When you were a child, did your mother hug you? Did she tell you sincerely
how much she loved you? Emotionally distant mothers do not seem to feel this
connection as strongly and consequently do not give their children the affection
they so deserve.

Denied You Her Time and Attention

An emotionally absent mother does not make room in her life to spend quality
time with her children. She might have ignored you altogether or only paid
attention to you when she needed something from you whenever you wanted to
spend time with your mother, she was unavailable. Emotionally distant mothers
often go so far as to leave their children on auto-pilot to take care of their own
emotional needs and deepest desires.

Did Not Help You Deal with Emotional Hurts

In every child’s life, there are times of emotional upset. These can be major
emotional traumas like divorce or the death of a family member. Or, they can be
small, everyday upsets like being made fun of on the playground or losing a
favorite toy. Even these small emotional hurts are significant if you are left alone
to deal with them over and over.

Placed Unreasonable Demands on You

Emotionally absent mothers often expect their children to take care of them in
some way. Your mother might have expected you to listen to and even solve her
adult problems. She might have relied on you for her emotional and physical
wellbeing. She might have demanded that you take care of younger siblings
when you were actually too young for such a responsibility. She might have
tasked you with doing all the housework and cooking all the meals. In short, if
your mother placed adult demands on you when you were a child, she was
emotionally absent from your life.

Did Not Respect You as a Child

An emotionally distant mother does not see your value as a child. She might not
have given you the opportunity to play in a carefree way. She might have acted
like your feelings and needs were unimportant because you were not a grownup.
She might have failed to appreciate that you could bring value to her life just by
being her child.

Never Shared in Your Joys and Sorrows

An emotionally connected mother shows happiness when her child is happy and
sadness when her child is emotionally hurt. This does not mean that your mother
needed to become overwhelmed with your feelings, but a healthy mother will
recognize those feelings and share in them to some extent. She might try to help
you feel better or distract you from your pain, but she empathizes first. And
when you are happy, she shows you how happy she is for you.
Chapter 2: Emotional Abandonment Is the Core Issue

When you have been raised by an emotionally absent mother, what you are
really struggling with is fear of abandonment. Although your mother may not
have actually left you behind, she did abandon you emotionally. She left you to
deal with life on your own. She did not pay attention to you or spend any
significant time with you. As a child, you naturally needed your mother to grow
up emotionally healthy and develop a positive self-image.

Unfortunately, most children who suffer emotional abandonment by their
mothers carry this trauma into their adult lives. The consequences can cause
dependence on another, breakups of close relationships, and can negatively
impact your self esteem. The symptoms alone can be distressing both in
everyday interactions and during times of crisis.

Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment

Panic

People who suffer from fear of abandonment usually experience frequent
feelings of panic. These intense feelings can happen even if the current issue is
small or insignificant. When the person who fears abandonment tries to call their
spouse or friend and they don’t answer their phones, the panicky feelings can
become nearly unbearable. The person with abandonment issues automatically
assumes that something has gone terribly wrong.

Rapidly Forming Attachments

If you have abandonment issues, you can find yourself reaching out to the first
person who comes along. You feel an intense desire to connect. The problem is
that the people you reach out to are not necessarily the kinds of people you
would choose to have in your life if you were thinking more rationally.

Constant Need for Reassurance

That longing to be accepted and loved can play out as a need for constant
reassurance. You ask over and over “Do you really love me?” You feel unsure of
any close relationship, imagining that it is only a matter of time before