The Book of King Solomon

463 Pages·2005·4.595 MB·English

by  Professor Solomon

A life of King Solomon, written
by his court historian!
Such, apparently, were the contents of
an old Hebrew manuscript, handed on
to Professor Solomon by an elderly
relative.
Its brittle pages were filled with the
story of the king: his youth, his rivals
for the throne, his accomplishments
as ruler, his wise judgments, his
thousand wives, his visits to the Cave
of the Ages, his magic ring, his asso-
ciation with Asmodeus, his building of
the Temple, his speaking with birds,
his encounter with Goliath,Jr., his
meeting with the Queen of Sheba,
his excursions on a flying carpet, his
wandering as a beggar, his final
days.
THE BOOK OF KING SOLOMON—fact or fiction? An ancient
chronicle or a latter-day fabrication? A sensational find or a
literary hoax?
Whateverthe case, it is an engaging book—highly recommended
to anyone wanting to learn more about “the wisest of men,” his
place in history, and his relevance today.
Professor Solomon is the author of How to
Find Lost Objects, Japan in a Nutshell,
How to Make the Most of a Flying Saucer
Experience, andConey Island.He resides in
Baltimore.
www.professorsolomon.com

   ...
The Book of
King Solomon
by Ahimaaz, Court Historian
Discovered, Translated, and Annotated by
Professor Solomon
Illustrated by Steve Solomon
Top Hat Press

Copyright © 2005 by Top Hat Press
All rights reserved
ISBN 0-912509-09-0
http://www.professorsolomon.com

Translator’s Note . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vi
1. Bathsheba. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
2. Uriah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
3. Messenger. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
4. Prophet. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
5. “ThouArt the Man!” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
6. Psalm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
7. Tavern Talk. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
8. A Son Is Born . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
9. Caveofthe Ages. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
10. Birthday . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
11. School...............................
12. Death Takes a Break. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
13. Lie Detector . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
14. Egg. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
15. Jar of Honey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
16. Gad . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
17. An Altar Is Raised. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
18. Viewfrom the Roof. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
19. “Whoa!”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
20. Successor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
21. On the Mount. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
22. Ineffable Name . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
23. Absalom.............................
24. Map................................
25. Heat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
iii

26. A King Is Crowned. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
27. Deathbed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
28. Visitors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
29. Gibeon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
30. Tutmosa. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
31. State of the Kingdom. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
32. Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
33. Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
34. Trying It Out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
35. Model. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
36. Shamir. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
37. Asmodeus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
38. King Meets King . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
39. Groundbreaking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
40. Construction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
41. Dream. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
42. Dedication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
43. Donor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
44. Throne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
45. Disputed Infant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
46. Double Trouble. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
47. Suing the Wind. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
48. ADoorTestifies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
49. Goliath, Jr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
50. Wisdom. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
51. Otter’s Complaint . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
52. Queen ofSheba.......................
53. Flying Carpet . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
54. Mysterious Palace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
55. Chinese Food . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
56. Luz ................................
57. Shlomo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
58. Ahijah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
59. Glimpses of the Future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
60. ASolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
iv

61. Arctic Visit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
62. Menelik. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
63. Retirement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
64. Demise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
v
Translator’s Note
Aunt Rose
When she pushed aside a stack of newspapers and opened her
bread box, I assumed that Aunt Rose was about to offer me a stale
pastry. Instead, she extracted a bundle of brittle sheets of paper,
tied with string. The topmost sheet was inscribed with Hebrew
lettering. Stored in her bread box had been some sort of manu-
script.
“I’ve wondered what to do with this,” she said, and thrust it
into my hands.
This aunt of mine—whom I was meeting for the first time—
was actually a great-aunt: the widow of one of my grandfather’s
brothers. I was visiting Los Angeles; and my father—aware of my
interest in the family’s European past—had suggested that I look
her up. Hungarian-born Rose, he had pointed out, might have
some lore or anecdotes to recount. I had been warned, however,
that she was “kooky.” Upon the death of her husband, for exam-
ple, she had shipped Sam Solomon’s clothing, dentures, Masonic
ring, andtaxi-driver license to my father. Also, she had a Yiddish-
speaking parrot. When I heard about the parrot, I knew I had to
visit Aunt Rose.
Aunt Rose lived in Venice Beach, a member of its dwindling
community of elderly Jews. I had telephoned, explaining who I
was and asking if I might drop by. After an initial hesitation, she
had given me directions to her apartment, a few blocks from the
beach. Knock loudly, she had instructed me, so as to be heard
over the television.
That afternoon I arrived and knocked. The door was opened
by a short, gray-haired woman in a jogging suit. Peering at me
through thick lenses, she remarked (with a faint accent) upon my
resemblance to my father; decided I was who I claimed to be;
andinvitedmein. The tiny apartment into which I stepped was
cluttered—with clothing, magazines, shopping bags—and in
disarray. Nonetheless, it had a cozy air. I was told to sit down at
the kitchen table. As I sat, a voice called out:“Nu?” (“So?”)
Aunt Rose gestured toward a cage and introduced me to her
Yiddish-speaking parrot. Turning off the television, she made me
acup of tea (from a used tea-bag); and a congenial conversation
vi
’
ensued. I filled her in on the doings of various relatives, and
described my own efforts as a writer. And she bent my ear with
alitany of complaints—about the “hippies” who had invaded the
beach; the forces of gentrification that were driving out longtime
residents like herself; the personality of the new rabbi at her syn-
agogue.
Then I told her of my interest in the European past of the Solo-
mons, and asked if she could tell me anything about Chamalyev,
the mountain village from which the family had emigrated. Aunt
Rose waved dismissively, as if at a foolish question. She had been
born in a different part of Hungary, she told me. It wasn’t until
coming to America that she had met Sam.
“Wu is der zhlub?” (“Where is that jerk?”) squawked the parrot
at the mention of his name.
Suddenly Aunt Rose recalled something. Her late husband, she
said, had brought over from Chamalyev some “old Hebrew writ-
ings”—papers of some sort that had been handed down in the
Solomon family. Sam had been determined to preserve these
papers. Would I be interested in seeing them? When I said I
would, she thought for a moment, seeking to remember where
she had stored them. Then she went over to the bread box, pulled
out the manuscript, and handed it to me. I had time for only a
quick glance.
“Stick that in your knapsack,” she said. “It belongs to you now.”
Wespoke forawhile longer. Then she had me stand on a chair
vii
’
and change the bulb in a ceiling fixture. Finally I promised to
convey her greetings to my father and others. And I was heading
for the door when the parrot spoke again—this time repeating a
proverb:
“Es is shver zu sein ein Yid.”
It’s hard to be a Jew, the bird had lamented.
Manuscript
A week later, in the quiet of my study, I turned my attention
to this manuscript.
The bundle consisted of  sheets of paper. Brittle and dis-
colored with age, they were crumbling at the edges. The paper
was low-grade rag, with no watermark to indicate its origin.
Each sheet (except for the title page) contained two columns of
text. Thetext was in Hebrew, handwritten with standard square
letters. Theink had faded somewhat. As for the penmanship, it
was meticulous and seemed to have been performed with a quill.
Here and there, a correction or addition had been interpolated
in themargin.
The title page consisted of two lines:
[sefer ha-melekh shelomoh
akhimaatz mazkir malkhuti]
which translatesto
    
byAhimaaz, Court Historian
Beneath these lines was the stylized image of a crown. And
inscribed at the top of the page—in a different ink and hand—
was a name I recognized. It was that of my great-grandfather,
Haskal Shlomovitz (the family name having yet to be Angli-
cized). Apparently, he had put his mark of ownership on the
manuscript.
The text was divided into  chapters, each with a brief title.
It was written in classical Hebrew (which narrows the date of
viii