The Art of Constructive Confrontation: How to Achieve More Accountability with Less Conflict

290 Pages·2005·0.9 MB·English

by  John Hoover

T H E A R T O F
CONSTRUCTIVE
CONFRONTATION
How to Achieve More
Accountability with Less Conflict
John Hoover
Roger P. DiSilvestro
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

PRAISE FOR
The Art of Constructive Confrontation
“W
hat a timely book for business managers and anyone who
manages people. Most of the time people don’t take re-
sponsibility because their responsibilities are not clear to them.
The Art of Constructive Confrontationwill be a valuable tool for my
business and personal life. I have taken your advice and plan to
put the principles described in the book to use next week.”
—Tina D’Aversa
Publisher, SportingKidMagazine
“A
s odd as it may seem, the subtitle of Hoover and DiSilvestro’s
book could be, ‘Respecting and loving ourselves and our
employees through a defined process of confrontation.’ The
ideas contained herein are psychologically and organization-
ally, to eyes that can see, a revolution in resolving practical-
yet-difficult problems in employee and organizational motiva-
tion toward productive ends.”
—Richard Bruehl, PhD
Diplomate of the American
Association of Pastoral Coun-
selors, Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist, Mediator

T H E A R T O F
CONSTRUCTIVE
CONFRONTATION
How to Achieve More
Accountability with Less Conflict
John Hoover
Roger P. DiSilvestro
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Copyright © 2005 by John Hoover and Roger P. DiSilvestro. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Hoover, John.
The art of constructive confrontation : how to achieve more accountability with less
conflict / John Hoover, Roger DiSilvestro.
p.cm.
ISBN-13 978-0-471-71853-6 (cloth : alk. paper)
ISBN-10 0-471-71853-X (cloth : alk. paper)
1. Communication in personnel management. 2. Interpersonal confrontation.
3. Conflict management. I. DiSilvestro, Roger, 1947–. II. Title.
HF5549.5.C6H652005
658.3'145—dc22
2004030896
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Acknowledgments
With deep gratitude I thank the dozens of sales professionals, managers,
and friends who demanded clarity from me so that our relationships
might flourish. The dedication, energy, and compassion of Mr. Harry
Moodie, my partner and boss for 25 years, set the standard for the con-
structive confrontation process in this book.
There are few words that could fully express my gratitude to my part-
ner and mentor, Mr. Spencer Hays, who taught me to accept the hot seat
of accountability. I’m likewise grateful to Ms. Janet McDonald, whose
dignity and dedication under intense pressure taught me the importance
of acting professionally under any condition.
The late Charles McBroom, my first mentor and boss, picked me up
from career obscurity and showed me what I could become by giving oth-
ers the opportunity to fulfill their personal and professional potentials. I
am now and will forever be overwhelmed by the energy, talent, and pa-
tience of Dr. John Hoover, my co-author and dear friend. My gratitude
would not be complete without acknowledging Norah Buikstra, whose
love and faith encourages me to do the next right thing, and my son, Paul,
the dearest blessing in my life.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
With heart-felt contrition, this book is dedicated to all the people I
have attacked, confronted unfairly, and misled as I was learning a better
way.
—Roger DiSilvestro
Matthew Holt, our editor at John Wiley & Sons, understood the tremen-
dous value of increasing accountability and decreasing conflict in organ-
izations and made this platform available to us from which we can preach
the gospel of constructive confrontation.We are also grateful to Peter Miller
of PMA Literary & Film Associates in New York City for making all
the necessary arrangements with Matt. Finally, I appreciate Charles
McBroom, Harry Moodie, Janet McDonald, and Spencer Hays, each of
whom had a hand in preparing Roger to be a mentor and inspiration to
me and everyone who has the privileged of working with him.
—John Hoover
Contents
Introduction ix
PART I: Commitment
1. The Case for Confrontation 3
2. The Conversation 23
3. The Commitment 63
4. The Covenant 83
PART II: Confrontation
5. Confrontation 119
6. Staying Positive 149
7. Changes and Challenges 169
8. Cementing the Bond 185
PART III: Celebration
9. Celebrating the Right Things 205
10. Plan for the Peaks 223
11. Rewards that Resonate 237
12. Building Others 249
Index 265