Take My Advice: Letters to the Next Generation from People Who Know a Thing or Two

222 Pages·2010·2.05 MB·English

by  James L. Harmon (ed.)

TAKE MY ADVICE
LETTERS TO THE NEXT GENERATION FROM PEOPLE WHO
KNOW A THING OR TWO
Edited by James L. Harmon
SIMON & SCHUSTER
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Copyright © 2002 by James Harmon
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any
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Book design by Ellen R. Sasahara
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ISBN 13: 978-0-7432-1092-8
ISBN 0-7432-1092-1
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For my mother, Christina Marie Blackburn Harmon
Who said Socrates and Plato were just quoting their mothers? Christina Harmon on her honeymoon, July
1959.
And for Wayne Koestenbaum
Acknowledgments
This may be the longest acknowledgments page in the history of publishing, but
just deal with it.
Very special thanks to the talented Mr. Keithley. Todd, you resurrected these
letters from public storage and I’m eternally grateful. The publishing world
misses you. To Philip Berman, who opened the first door and whose book, The
Courage of Conviction, was a major inspiration for TMA. Thanks to Matt
Walker, the hippest editor in the Universe (with the patience of a saint), and to
my agent, Michael Bourret, whose advice I’ll always take.
I’m indebted to four people who, with their love, friendship, and support, were
always willing to stop and smell neuroses. You made this book possible: Tracy
Helene Thomas, truly the smartest, most creative woman on the planet; Roger
Rand, whose image, if gracing the jacket of this book, would sell a million
copies on his photo alone; Randy Bossert, the brother I’ve always wanted; and
Misti Nelson, my eternal Goddess. I love you.
When Bettie Page gives you advice, you take it—like a man! So I’d like to show
my parents that I love them by thanking them for all the good things they’ve
done for me: Thanks to my mother for praying her heart out (a woman who can
still fit perfectly into her wedding dress—42 years married, size 2), and my
father for allowing me to mooch off him considerably while finishing this book
(you’ll get the money back, Dad). Thanks to my sisters, Rebekah, LaNae, and
Kim and Howard for putting up with me, but don’t even try giving me advice.
Love to Christopher, Jacob, Nicole, Danielle, and little Moriah Grace. Krystal
Joy, mind your mother (see Veruschka’s piece).
And readers, if the following reeks of any name-dropping you can bite me: I’m
beholden to Bob Shacochis (young men, advice here: run, don’t walk, to your
nearest bookstore and buy Easy in the Islands—it will change your life!); Bruce
Benderson, (ditto User); Mary Gaitskill; Mark Dery; Chris Kraus; Stewart
Home; Jennifer Belle; and the late Patricia Highsmith, all of whom went beyond
the call of duty as contributors. And if you don’t know who the writers in this
book are, you should. My gratitude goes to Stuart J. Murray; Michael Ferguson;
Timothy Greenfield-Sanders (and Karen, Toby, and Will); Maurice Vellekoop;
Francesco Scavullo and Sean Byrnes; Savas Abadsidis; Bruce Weber; Elizabeth
Taylor; David Foster Wallace and Mark Leyner (in the beginning, my own
personal Rilkes); David Lynch and Barry Gifford (I tried, guys); Eydie Gorme;
Connie Francis; Ann-Margret; Camille Paglia for still coming through with a
submission during the most horrific time in American history; Mike Albo;
Christopher Hitchens (Master H, you still owe me a paragraph—or dinner, your
pick); John Waters and Dennis Dermody; THE INCOMPARABLE ANN
MAGNUSON; Gloria Vanderbilt, bell hooks for inspiration; Jack Mitchell;
David Leddick; Juliet Hacking from the Beaton Estate and Julia Collins from the
Harvard Theatre Collection; and everyone from the Lee Miller Archives; and
William Claxton and Peggy Moffitt. Thanks to Jo Stafford, Anita O’Day, Kay
Starr, and Ted Nugent who told me the way it is. Thanks to Kaye Ballard and
friend for being nice to me on my first day. J. K. Potter; Nancy Stender; Pat
Miller; Lillian Evey; Robert Strom; Andrew, the freaky park ranger; Bob Van
Riper; Matthew Stadler (“sigh”); James Grauerholz; Wayne Stanley; Phillip
Ward; John C. Van Doren; Danielle Von Luhmann of CMG; Michael Merrill and
the Bette Davis Foundation; the brilliant Ted Landry; Marsha Bacon; Robert
Freedman; Doug Ainge (smart influences); Norma, that cool Italian lady I met
outside Trader Joe’s; Alysia Ball; Lisa Stone; Jennifer from Oblation; Jay and
Todd, that sex God. Jim Goad, Rutger Thiellier, Robert Strom, Michael R. Lee,
Gwen Morehead, Ross and Kayreen Arnold, JoAnn and B.L., Judy Thomas,
Michael Klein, Kim, Kellia Jenkins, and Terry Manning. For letting me spew
over the years, thanks to Vicki, Heather, David and Marcos and Susan “Wonder
Woman” Carey. Thanks to my Uncle Clyde and Aunt Barbara, my cousin Kami,
Maggie and Phil Sund, the wondrous Darlene, Jamie and Lori from Rite Aid,
Nancy Klug, my too groovy Kinko’s boy, Danny Seim of the band
MENOMENA (somebody sign these guys, pronto!), Sue Goffard (Mario, give
that girl a raise!). Murray McDonell; my Uncle Allen; Eric Rauth; Helen Lane;
the ravishing Ray Rivera; Etta and Buck Waterfield (Jane Russell Rocks!); Virtic
Brown; Yale Wagner; Boyd Babbitt; Fernando Del Bosque; Alex Monreal; Cross
De Milo; Chris Hiestand; Sam the man from the Palm Desert Library; Sylvere
Lotringer; that highly enlightened stud muffin DAVID TRUJILLO; Lynne
Hansen; Neal Peters; David Smith; and that very wise man, Greg Mann. My
sexy cookie girl, Erica Garvey; Al Wayne; Ken Lease; Nancy Basil; Gail and
Larry Denis; Jean Sweitzer; Mary Lea; the luscious Kirsten Jenkins (I got chills,
they’re multiplyin’); Jessie Dawes; Alicia Joy; Dawn Burnham and Ronnie
Balog; Jeff Maul and “Bobbie-licious” Howe and Trevor; Yvette Lucero (where
the hell are you?). LeeAnn and John Earlenbaugh (and Stephanie, Dana, and
Janna); and Theresa; Heidi; and Virginia. Thanks to Scott Mills, Dick Albertson
and Wayne Kulie, Joseph Schooley, Paul and Kathleen Gillmouth and family,
and my favorite Jewish Princess, Jeanie Breall. I can’t mention everyone, but
thanks to all of my friends and family from Scari’s: Lou Hijar, Diane Dewald,
Susan Fee, Jan and Nick, Sharon Ebel, Faye Contras, Mel, Scott, Greg Holm
(when he’s acting normal) and Stacey, that sexpot Tina Abney, Andi Park,
MARGEE!, Maggie, Dawn, Karen, Tracey, Karri, Lori, and Anita and Pearl—I
dig you girls. Special thanks to John and Jo, Connie, Ruth and Larry, and Don
and Dottie Markman. And to all of the waiters and waitresses marrying their
ketchups from Portland to Paraguay, this one’s for you. I’d like to thank all of
my one-night stands and every librarian in the tri-county area, with the exception
of the two Evil Queens at a certain provincial branch (you know who you are).
Special thanks to Denise Holmes; Colleen Winters; Kiera Koester; Robyn Cram;
Dana Gale; Cindy Stanley; E’Raina Hatch; and in loving memory, Jane Babcock.
Thanks to my voluptuous espresso girl, Ramona Odierna at Café Dolce. Love
and appreciation to Andrew Hodgdon, Nan Travers, and little Bella—you
handled my meltdowns quite well over the years (they were justified and you
know why). Thanks to Charlie Huffman for the laughs and tears (see Joe
Dallesandro’s piece, baby) and Mark Gillmouth for the laughs and tears (see Joe
Dallesandro’s piece, baby). Sadie, Max, Bruno-Ricardo, Daisy and Peaches for
the love and kisses.
My appreciation extends to all of the publicists, agents, and assistants who
allowed me to drive them over the edge.
I’d like to thank the following people, all of whom inspired a young editor: Mr.
Gottlieb, Mr. Korda, Ms. Graham, Ms. Snow, Mr. Cerf, Tina Brown needs to
give me a job, Mr. Warhol, Mr. Brodovitch, and Diana “You don’t have to be
born beautiful to be wildly attractive” Vreeland.
I LOW OPRAH I LOVE OPRAH I LOVE OPRAH I LOVE OPRAH I LOVE
OPRAH
A note to critics and reviewers: This is the first book I’ve edited and I’m
currently taking night classes at the Maureen Dowd School of Backbiting, so
don’t even fuck with me. (And the first ignoramus to use the already tired
phrase, “Take My Advice, James,” will be deemed a cretin by me, personally,
publicly, on the telly, live.)
A special thank you to my guardian angels, Mr. Joe Williams, Ms. Ella Mae
Morse, and Ms. Carmen McRae. In my darkest moments you always hit me
smack dab in the middle with loads of love.
And finally, for taking part in my epistolary madness, I’m indebted to the
hundreds, perhaps thousands, of talented people who took the time to compose
these exquisite letters. Due to length and legal restrictions, I was unable to
include everyone in this volume (from Menninger to Lessing, Vidal to
Murdoch). My hope, someday, is to publish a complete, unedited version. Please
note that I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart. This is
your book.
Contents
BOB SHaCOCHIS
Dr. JOHn MOneY
CInDY SHerman
RICHarD MeLTzer
MarY McCarTHY
ROBerT CreeLeY
VaLerIe MarTIn
HOwarD ZInn
PauL KraSSner
LYDIa LunCH
ALPHOnSO LInGIS
SPaLDInG GraY
JOe DaLLeSanDrO
CamILLe PaGLIa
BeTTIe PaGe
JuDITH BuTLer
ROGer ScruTOn
Ken KeSeY
Gene WOLFe
MarY GaITSKILL
RICHarD POWerS
MICHaeL THOmaS FOrD
MarK DerY
ALeXanDer THerOuX
CarOLYn CHuTe
FLOrenCe KInG
MaurICe VeLLeKOOP
GeOrGe saunDerS
QuenTIn CrISP
MarK SImPSOn
BreT LOTT
LYnDa BarrY
R. U. SIrIuS
CHarLeS BaXTer
AnITa O’DaY
TOm ROBBInS
Ian SHOaLeS
C. D. PaYne
BruCe BenDersOn
W. V. QuIne
MarK HeLPrIn
SCOTT RuSSeLL SanDerS
EILeen MYLeS
JOHn SHIRLeY
ABBIe HOFFman
Dr. Laura SCHLeSSInGer
BruCe LaBruCe
RICHarD TaYLOr
ArTHur NerSeSIan
Ram DaSS
JIm HarrISOn
HOrST
WILLIam S. BurrOuGHS
WaYne KOeSTenBaum
MarTHa GeLLHOrn
LucIuS SHeParD
ALaIn De BOTTOn
Dan JenKInS