Stop the Fight!: An Illustrated Guide for Couples: How to Break Free from the 12 Most Common Arguments and Build a Relationship That Lasts

322 Pages·2015·26.62 MB·English

by  Michelle Brody

C
onflict within relationships is complex and challenging to overcome. In her 20 years of working
with couples, clinical psychologist Michelle Brody found a way to make change simpler. Her
secret: clear and lighthearted illustrations that help couples literally see what’s driving their
battles and blocking their bond, so they can chart a course together to stop the fights.
Stop the Fight! includes more than 300 illustrations to help couples unlock the destructive cycles
that drive the birthday fight, the difficult relatives fight, and other familiar battles. Going beyond
common relationship advice, the tools in Stop the Fight! will help you understand the big picture and
create lifelong change.
“I couldn’t put this book down! It’s insightful, incisive, hilarious,
and hard-hitting all at the same time—not to mention incredibly helpful.”
—AMY CHUA, Yale Law School professor and author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
“Stop the Fight! creatively delivers real solutions to serious problems
in a package wrapped with pictures and laughter.”
—GEORGE FALLER, founder and director of the New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy

is a clinical psychologist who
has been resolving relational conflict in couples and in the workplace
for over 20 years. As a senior trainer for psychologists and executives, $15.95 US Relationships | Conflict Resolution
she teaches others what will (and won’t) catalyze lasting change.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY EMILY TOMASIK.
stopthefight.com
THE EXPERIMENT ■ NEW YORK
BECAUSE EVERY BOOK IS A TEST OF NEW IDEAS
theexperimentpublishing.com | @experimentbooks
Also available as an ebook
StopTheFight_FIN.indd All Pages 9/3/15 3:19 PM
PRAISE FOR
STOP THE FIGHT!
“I couldn’t put this book down! It’s insightful, incisive, hilarious, and hard-
hitting all the same time—not to mention incredibly helpful. I hope every-
one reads it.”
—Amy Chua, Yale Law School professor and author of Battle Hymn
of the Tiger Mother and The Triple Package: How Three Unlikely Traits
Explain the Rise and Fall of Cultural Groups in America
“Stop the Fight! breathes new life into the tired field of self-help books. It cre-
atively delivers real solutions to serious problems in a package wrapped with
pictures and laughter. Transforming your relationship doesn’t need to be a
tedious chore, it can happen in the enjoyment of reading these pages together.”
—George Faller, founder and director of the New York Center
for Emotionally Focused Therapy
“Stop the Fight! gives you timeless tools to turn arguments into avenues for
intimacy. Unlike other books on building and repairing relationships Dr. Brody
gives us numerous visual illustrations. More than words you see creative car-
toons that vividly bring to life the wise advice given. I highly recommend this
book to anyone, or any couple, that wants to stop the fight!”
—Xavier Amador, PhD, author of I’m Right You’re Wrong, Now What?
and featured therapist on NBC, Bravo, ABC, CNN and PBS Nova
“Research has proven that every relationship has at least nine irreconcilable
differences. For many couples this results in fighting and arguing. The really
good news is this: The book you hold in your hands will guide you to a new
way of building a deep, loving relationship without all the yelling, shaming,
and blaming. Highly recommended.”
—Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret
THEEXPERIMENT
BECAUSEEVERY BOOKISATESTOFNEWIDEAS
“Michelle Brody has given couples not a map, but a GPS to help them
resolve their issues. It is user-friendly, solid advice that will allow any cou-
ple willing to invest the time to make their lives whole again.”
—Barton Goldsmith, PhD, nationally syndicated columnist
and author of 100 Ways to Defeat Depression
“A fun and clever way of helping couples with conflict resolution.”
—Suzanne Iasenza, PhD, New York City-based psychologist and
faculty at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy
and Psychoanalysis and the postgraduate program in
couple therapy at Adelphi University’s Derner Institute
“I love Stop the Fight!—the insights and anecdotes are practical and appli-
cable to real-life relationships, and the clever cartoons make sure the points
stick.”
—Victoria Moran, author of Living a Charmed Life
“Stop the Fight!, Michelle Brody’s deeply thought-out, and yet entirely
accessible, new book on how to stop fights between spouses made me feel
oddly exposed and greatly relieved at the same time. Her understanding of
how couples irrationally attack each other under stress is eerily familiar. So
much so, I hoped my kids weren’t reading the accompanying cartoons over
my shoulder, for fear they’d scream, ‘Mom! That’s just like you and Dad!’
A great read for any couple ready to break bad habits but don’t want the
earnestness of most prescriptive books on improving your marriage.”
—Dani Klein Modisett, author of Take My Spouse, Please: How to Keep Your Marriage
Happy, Healthy, and Thriving by Following the Rules of Comedy
“The most creative effort I have for more couples to learn how to communi-
cate effectively. The illustrations and text, together, brilliantly demonstrate
the various traps couples fall into and playfully educate about solutions
that can transform a relationship. This book will save many marriages.”
—Therese J. Borchard, founder and host of ProjectBeyondBlue.com
and author of Beyond Blue and I Like Being Married

HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM

AND BUILD A RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTS
THEEXPERIMENT
NEW YORK
Stop the Fight!: An Illustrated Guide for Couples—How to Break Free from the 12 Most Common
Arguments and Build a Relationship That Lasts
Copyright © 2015 Michelle Brody
All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online
reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval
system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as
trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and The Experiment was aware of a trademark
claim, the designations have been capitalized.
The Experiment, LLC
220 East 23rd Street, Suite 301
New York, NY 10010-4674
www.theexperimentpublishing.com
This book contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative
material on the subjects addressed in the book. It is sold with the understanding that the author and
publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of personal professional services
in the book. It is not intended as a substitute for consultation with a health professional. The author and
publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk—personal or otherwise—that
is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this
book. All examples are based on real couples. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect
the privacy of individuals.
The Experiment’s books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums
and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. For details, contact us at info@
theexperimentpublishing.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Brody, Michelle (Clinical psychologist)
  Stop the fight! : an illustrated guide for couples—how to break free from the 12 most common arguments
and build a relationship that lasts / Michelle Brody, PhD.
       pages cm
  Includes bibliographical references.
  ISBN 978-1-61519-280-9 (pbk.) — ISBN 978-1-61519-281-6 (ebook)
1.  Couples. 2.  Man-woman relationships. 3.  Interpersonal communication. 4.  Interpersonal relations.
5.  Conflict management.  I. Title.
  HQ801.B8583 2015
  306.7—dc23
                                                            2015003929
ISBN 978-1-61519-280-9
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61519-281-6
Cover design by Stephen Brayda
Author photograph by Matt Frisbie
Text design by Pauline Neuwirth, Neuwirth & Associates, Inc.
Back cover and interior illustrations by Emily Tomasik
Manufactured in the United States of America
Distributed by Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
Distributed simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Ltd.
First printing October 2015
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION: “Seeing” Your Way Out of Fights xi
1: The Partner Improvement Fight 1
2: The Proving Your Point Fight 17
3: The Nagging-Tuning Out Fight 29
4: The Escalating Fight 39
5: The Household Responsibilities Fight 55
6: The Birthday Fight 83
7: The Bad Reputation Fight 113
8: The “You Don’t Care About Me” Fight 135
9: The Parenting Differences Fight 167
10: The Money Fight 187
11: The Sex Fight 221
12: The Difficult Relatives Fight 255
CONCLUSION: The Big Picture 285
Terms Used in Stop the Fight! 292
Acknowledgments 295
Index 299
About the Author 304