Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Close Friendships and Deep Relationships

226 Pages·2016·1.34 MB·English

by  Asatryan Kira.

Praise for Stop Being Lonely
“A must-have in a world where technology is increasingly distancing us from others while it creates the
illusion that it is doing just the opposite.”
— Anna Jedrziewski, Retailing Insight
“I love this book and welcome its valuable exploration of an important topic. Loneliness is a modern-day
affliction, and Kira Asatryan dives into the experience of loneliness with skill, sensitivity, and insight. The
book flows beautifully through various inquiries, complemented with great questions and journal prompts at
the end of each chapter. The content is honest and bold as well as compassionate. This is a refreshing and
essential reading prescription for modern life.”
— Jackee Holder, coach and creative catalyst
“Kira Asatryan’s book is a lifeline for people struggling to build and maintain meaningful relationships in
our plugged-in, fast-paced society. At the height of the ‘app revolution’ and with the proliferation of chat
apps on smartphones and tablets, the ability to really connect with others remains critical to our personal
well-being and social development. Far from being just your typical self-help book, Stop Being Lonely is a
sociological inquiry into the nature of relationship building, providing educated advice on how to form
lasting, meaningful relationships.”
— Rune Vejby, author of Texting in Sick: How Smartphones, Texting, and Social Media Are Changing
Our Relationships “Stop Being Lonely is one of the most valuable books I’ve ever read, and I read a lot. It
addresses a problem so common we don’t even notice that it’s impacting our lives. Kira Asatryan helps us
see that loneliness can be destructive but that with knowledge and guidance it can be overcome. I
recommend you get one copy for yourself and another for a friend or family member. Everyone needs to
own a copy of this important book.”
— Jed Diamond, PhD, author of The Irritable Male Syndrome and The Enlightened Marriage “Kira
Asatryan describes a hidden, insidious, debilitating plague of our time: loneliness. She helps us understand
the cultural trends that give rise to it and the terrible toll it takes on our peace of mind. Most important, she
shows the reader how to combat its damaging effects by following her simple steps to restore caring
connections with loved ones. Her book is an absolute must-read for anyone wishing to deepen the quality of
their relationships and their life in general.”
— Linda Bloom, LCSW, coauthor of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married and Secrets of Great
Marriages “Despite our 24/7 connectivity to friends, families, and coworkers, many of us experience a
sense of isolation and loneliness because we’re not developing close relationships. Kira Asatryan’s new
book guides us with practical advice and simple steps to build fulfilling, deep connections in all areas of our
lives.”
— Christine Hassler, speaker, coach, and bestselling author of Expectation Hangover “Stop Being Lonely
is an accessible, soulful, and wise book about making and deepening real connections with the people in
your life, including yourself. While wide-ranging in its scope, the book is also beautifully practical and
specific. Its topic is of central importance in any age but especially timely as we continue to navigate our
ever-changing digital world. Highly recommended.”
— Susan Raeburn, PhD, clinical psychologist and coauthor of Creative Recovery: A Complete Addiction
Treatment Program That Uses Your Natural Creativity “Loneliness is a big struggle for many. In her new
book, Kira Asatryan provides us a simple yet brilliant fix.”
— Dr. Charles J. Sophy, medical director for the County of Los Angeles Department of Children and
Family Services and author of Side by Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-
Free Communication “Kira Asatryan takes you on a step-by-step journey back to where you were meant to
be: to the feeling of closeness.”
— Dr. Wendy Walsh, CNN’s human behavior expert and former cohost of The Doctors

New World Library
14 Pamaron Way
Novato, California 94949
Copyright © 2016 by Kira Asatryan All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in
part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or
other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages
in a review.
The material in this book is intended for education. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the
use of the recommendations can be given or liability taken. Some names have been changed to protect the
privacy of individuals.
Text design by Tona Pearce Myers Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Asatryan,
Kira, [DATE] author.
Title: Stop being lonely : three simple steps to developing close friendships and deep relationships / Kira
Asatryan.
Description: Novato, California : New World Library, [2016] | Includes bibliographical references and
index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015041153 | ISBN 9781608683802 (pbk. : alk. paper) |
ISBN 9781608683819 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Friendship. | Interpersonal relations. | Loneliness.
Classification: LCC BF575.F66 A83 2016 | DDC 158.2—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015041153
First printing, February 2016
ISBN 978-1-60868380-2
Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper
New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by
Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For Kaexjan, for being my kaexjan.
For Eric, for your wisdom and your typing fingers.
And for Ann, as always.
Contents Introduction: A New Kind of
Loneliness
Part 1. Understanding Closeness
Chapter 1. What Is Closeness?
Chapter 2. An Environment of Obstacles
Chapter 3. Dispelling Old Myths
Chapter 4. Learning to Pick Partners
Part 2. Mastering the Art of Knowing
Chapter 5. Gaining Access to Another Person’s World
Chapter 6. Drawing Deeper Understanding
Chapter 7. Asking Inviting Questions
Chapter 8. Listening to Another Person’s Narrative
Part 3. Mastering the Art of Caring
Chapter 9. Feeling Another Person’s Feelings
Chapter 10. Uniting as a Team
Chapter 11. Making a Relationship
Chapter 12. Showing Another Person You Care
Part 4. Mastering the Art of Closeness
Chapter 13. Creating a Culture of Closeness
Chapter 14. Overcoming Obstacles at Work, at Home, and in Love
Chapter 15. Getting Closer to Yourself
Conclusion: Us vs. Loneliness
Appendix: Reminders and Takeaways
Notes
Index
About the Author
Introduction
A New Kind of Loneliness
F
or as long as humans have gathered, there have always been those who
have found themselves a little on the outside. Their peers may have
perceived them as different, or they may have perceived themselves as so.
Relationships may have been harder for them to find, and a struggle to keep. For
as long as people have attempted not to be alone, there have been those who
have still been lonely.
Historically, loneliness was a result of rejection by the tribe. You had to
cross some unspoken line or break a taboo to be shunned. You had to set off
alarm bells in some way. There was a reason for one’s isolation from the group
and resulting loneliness, and it was a somewhat rare occurrence. Loneliness was
the exception, not the rule.
Today, in the Western developed world, loneliness is becoming more the
rule than the exception. Nearly everyone struggles with loneliness at some point;
you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who hasn’t suffered at least a short stint of
painful loneliness. You’d hardly know it, though, since loneliness no longer
looks the way it once did.
Loneliness is no longer characterized by rejection from the group or an
inability to find a mate. Today, isolation is often experienced by highly
functional people who have no apparent cause for feeling separate. This type of
loneliness is hard to pinpoint, even by those in the throes of it. It’s a new kind of
loneliness, one that is not typified by a lack of people in our lives. It’s an internal
loneliness, a loneliness of the heart and mind.
This subtle yet troubling type of loneliness is not only elusive; it’s becoming
increasingly common. Most, if not all, of us have felt it at one point or another.