Silently Seduced: When Parents Make their Children Partners - Understanding Covert Incest

132 Pages·1991·12.011 MB·English

by  Kenneth M. Adams

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Digitized by the Internet Archive
in 2012
http://archive.org/details/silentlyseducedwOOadam
S
ilently
S
educed
When Parents Make
Their Children Partners
Understanding Covert Incest
Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D.
ul
Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida
Ken Adams, Ph.D.
306 S. Washington, Suite 220
Royal Oak, MI 48067
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Adams, Kenneth, M.
Silently seduced: understanding covert incest: when parents make
their children partners/by Kenneth M. Adams
p.cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 1-55874-131-3
1. Parent and child. 2. Separation-individuation. I. Title.
HQ755.85.A32 1991
306.874—dc20 90-22950
CIP
©1991 Kenneth M. Adams
ISBN 1-55874-131-3
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part
of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, pho­
tocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of
the publisher.
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, Florida 33442-8190
DEDICATION
I dedicate this book to all
incest survivors and to the
Anonymous programs worldwide
for the hope and renewal
that they offer.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many people have contributed to the creation of this
book.
Steve Cross and Robin Norwood encouraged me at the
beginning of this project and made helpful suggestions on
the title. I am grateful to my typists, Kim Bagazinski and
Nova Jeffries, for their ability to decipher my handwriting
and produce the typed manuscript. Thanks to Janet Buck­
ingham and Annabelle Mcllnay for their editing which
contributed to making the book more readable. I am grate­
ful to Alec Morgan for his insight and support during
times I found it most difficult to write. And I thank Susan
Oddo for her enthusiasm and suggestions as I completed
the final phases of the book.
I am grateful to others along the way who have contrib­
uted support and encouragement: Julie Kim Adams, Mau­
rice Alberda, Sid Berkowitz, John Allen Bullard, Lynwood
Buysse, Brent Calhoun, Lou DeCillis, Perry Engstrom,
Andrea Ferenc, John Friel, Tom Garrett, Dennis Kaszeta,
Earl Kilbourn, Lynne Kingsbury, Judy Norwood, Jessica
Rowe, Connie Stephenson and Donny Wakefield.
Finally 1 would like to acknowledge the Michigan Chil­
dren of Alcoholic Parents program. I am deeply indebted
to the people who have journeyed through that program
and shared so much of their personal struggles.
iv
CONTENTS
Preface ......................................................................... vi
1. What Is The Silent Seduction? ............................. 1
2. When Is A Child Betrayed By A Parent's Love? . 5
3. The Man Of The House ....................................... 23
4. Daddy's Little Girl ............... 41
5. When Does Sex Become A Hiding Place? .......... 61
6. The Struggle To Commit..................................... 81
7. Toward Wholeness ................................................ 99
Bibliography ............................................................... 109
Appendix.....................................................................113
PREFACE
This book grew out of an article I wrote in 1987
entitled, "Sexual Addiction and Covert Incest: Con­
necting the Family Roots of Alcoholism, Neglect and
Abuse." At the time there had been little written on
the subject of covert incest; most material focused on
overt incest. Though there are certainly similarities be­
tween overt and covert incest, there are also important
differences.
Although many survivors of covert incest are able to
relate to the stories of overt incest survivors, most strug­
gle to feel validated because they have not been directly
abused. Covert incest survivors are still suffering in
silence. In fact, most are not aware that their relation­
ships with their parents were incestuous. Ive written
this book to give such survivors a framework to under­
stand what happened to them, how their lives continue
to be affected and how to begin the process of recovery.
In the first six chapters I use the word "victim" to
describe the person still experiencing the effects of co­
vert incest. These chapters describe the victimization
process and its consequences. In the last chapter I dis­
cuss change and recovery. I use the word "survivor,"
instead of "victim," at that point to help underscore the
vi