Part V: Lifestyle Changes That Improve More Than Your Anger A shrinking network

380 Pages·2008·1.63 MB·English

Anger
Management
FOR
DUMmIES‰
by W.Doyle Gentry,PhD
Anger Management For Dummies®
Published by
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ISBN-13: 978-0-470-03715-7
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About the Author
W. Doyle Gentry, PhD,is a clinical psychologist and Director of the
Institute for Anger-Free Living in Lynchburg, Virginia. He is a Fellow in the
American Psychological Association and was the Founding Editor of the
Journal of Behavioral Medicine.In Dr. Gentry’s four-decade career as a
scientist-practitioner, he has authored over 100 publications, including eight
books, and is a pioneer in the fields of health psychology, behavioral medi-
cine, and anger management. He has previously served on the faculty of Duke
University Medical Center and the University of Texas Medical Branch,
Galveston. Gentry has conducted training seminars for lay and professional
audiences throughout the United States, Canada, and Europe. He has also
served as a consultant to major industry, where he specializes in conflict
management, team building, and health promotion. Articles referring to Dr.
Gentry’s work on anger regularly appear in a variety of contemporary maga-
zines, and he is frequently interviewed on radio and television for insights
into how to create and maintain an anger-free life. He is the author of two ear-
lier self-help books on anger: ANGER-FREE: Ten Basic Steps to Managing Your
Anger(Quill, 2000) and When Someone You Love Is Angry(Berkley, 2004).
Dr. Gentry is available for speaking engagements and workshops. Interested
readers may contact him via e-mail at [email protected].

Dedication
I dedicate this book to my two basset hounds, Max and Dixie, both of whom
have absolutely no need for anger management.
Author’s Acknowledgments
I would like to thank a number of “teammates” who made writing this book
both possible and enjoyable. First, I am indebted — once again — to my
agent, Denise Marcil, and her delightful associate, Maura Kye, for all their
efforts on my behalf. I was well represented!
The folks at John Wiley & Sons, Inc. — in particular, Lindsay Lefevere,
Elizabeth Kuball, and Rebecca Stidham — were fantastic. I deeply appreciate
their professionalism, expertise, encouragement, and, most of all, patience
during both the acquisition and editorial phases of the project. The energy
and passion associated with the For Dummiesseries is, indeed, infectious.
And, as always, I want to thank my loving family — Catherine, Rebecca,
and Chris — for yet another show of support for my life’s work. They never
disappoint.
Basically, we are all dummies when it comes to anger management — a field
that remains a work in progress. I learn more every day about ways to har-
ness this complicated and, at times, troublesome emotion, and being able to
share this education with my readers is a pleasure. If this book changes the
life of a single person for the better, then I am satisfied that the hard work
that went into it was worthwhile.
Publisher’s Acknowledgments
We’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registration
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Contents at a Glance
Introduction.................................................................1
Part I: The Basics of Anger............................................9
Chapter 1: Anger: The Universal Emotion.....................................................................11
Chapter 2: When Is Anger a Problem?...........................................................................17
Chapter 3: Is Anger Poisoning Your Life?......................................................................31
Part II: Managing Your Anger Today............................49
Chapter 4: Taking Immediate Action..............................................................................51
Chapter 5: Speaking Out in Anger..................................................................................65
Chapter 6: Keeping Your Cool.........................................................................................75
Part III: Preventing Anger Tomorrow............................91
Chapter 7: Adopting a New Perspective........................................................................93
Chapter 8: Saying What You Feel..................................................................................105
Chapter 9: Confessing Your Anger...............................................................................115
Chapter 10: Become a Type B.......................................................................................129
Chapter 11: Using Anger Constructively.....................................................................143
Part IV: Handling Anger from the Past.......................159
Chapter 12: Why Is Letting Go So Difficult?................................................................161
Chapter 13: Forgiving.....................................................................................................171
Part V: Lifestyle Changes That Improve
More Than Your Anger...............................................181
Chapter 14: Managing Stress.........................................................................................183
Chapter 15: Managing Your Chemistry........................................................................199
Chapter 16: Adding Balance to Your Life.....................................................................211
Chapter 17: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep...................................................................227
Chapter 18: Looking to a Higher Power.......................................................................241
Chapter 19: Staying in a Good Mood............................................................................251
Part VI: Managing Anger in Key Relationships ...........269
Chapter 20: At Work.......................................................................................................271
Chapter 21: At Home......................................................................................................287
Chapter 22: In Intimate Relationships.........................................................................301
Part VII: The Part of Tens..........................................317
Chapter 23: Ten Ways to Raise a Non-Angry Child....................................................319
Chapter 24: Ten Ways to Combat Road Rage..............................................................331
Chapter 25: Ten Anger-Freeing Thoughts....................................................................339
Index.......................................................................347
Table of Contents
Introduction..................................................................1
About This Book...............................................................................................1
Conventions Used in This Book.....................................................................3
What You’re Not to Read.................................................................................3
Foolish Assumptions.......................................................................................4
How This Book Is Organized...........................................................................4
Part I: The Basics of Anger....................................................................4
Part II: Managing Your Anger Today....................................................5
Part III: Preventing Anger Tomorrow...................................................5
Part IV: Handling Anger from the Past.................................................5
Part V: Lifestyle Changes That Improve More Than Your Anger.....6
Part VI: Managing Anger in Key Relationships...................................6
Part VII: The Part of Tens......................................................................6
Icons Used in This Book..................................................................................6
Where to Go from Here....................................................................................7
Part I: The Basics of Anger ............................................9
Chapter 1: Anger: The Universal Emotion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11
Dispelling Common Anger Myths.................................................................11
Understanding the Role of Emotions in Your Life......................................13
Getting the Help You Need............................................................................14
You’ll Know When You’re There...................................................................16
Chapter 2: When Is Anger a Problem? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17
Evaluating How Angry You Are.....................................................................18
How often do you get angry?..............................................................19
How intense is your anger?.................................................................20
Figuring Out Whether Your Anger Is Toxic.................................................20
Episodic irritation................................................................................21
Episodic anger......................................................................................22
Episodic rage........................................................................................22
Chronic irritation..................................................................................22
Chronic anger........................................................................................22
Chronic rage..........................................................................................22
Calculating the Risks of Toxic Anger...........................................................23
Are you male?........................................................................................23
Are you under 40 years of age?...........................................................23
Are you temperamental?.....................................................................24
Do you have too many opportunities to get mad?...........................24
Are you looking at life the wrong way?..............................................24
x
Anger Management For Dummies
Do you have an aggressive personality?...........................................25
Are you taking the wrong kinds of drugs?.........................................26
Do you stay irritable?...........................................................................26
Are you suffering from depression?...................................................27
Do you communicate poorly?.............................................................27
Do you lack problem-solving skills?...................................................28
Are you too stressed?..........................................................................28
Are you too judgmental?.....................................................................28
Are you too much into blame?............................................................28
Are you constantly exhausted?..........................................................29
Do you have an inadequate support system?..................................29
Is your life seriously out of balance?.................................................30
Chapter 3: Is Anger Poisoning Your Life? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31
Robbing Your Energy.....................................................................................32
Making You Ill.................................................................................................33
How anger indirectly affects your health..........................................33
How anger directly affects your health.............................................37
Reviewing the anger-health checklist................................................39
Sabotaging Your Career.................................................................................41
Getting off track early..........................................................................42
Heading in the wrong direction..........................................................42
Asking the wrong question..................................................................43
Engaging in counterproductive work behavior................................44
Ruining Your Marriage...................................................................................45
Affecting the Health of Those You Care About...........................................46
Part II: Managing Your Anger Today.............................49
Chapter 4: Taking Immediate Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .51
Drawing the Line — the Sooner the Better.................................................51
Settling for Just Being Annoyed...................................................................53
Understanding Why Your Fuse Is So Short.................................................54
Lengthening Your Fuse..................................................................................55
Walking away — but coming back......................................................56
Letting the other person have the last word....................................57
Sometimes It Pays to Feel Guilty..................................................................58
Distraction Works...........................................................................................58
Changing your situation......................................................................59
Stopping the rumination......................................................................60
Using imagery to transcend anger.....................................................61
The Life Savers technique...................................................................64