Parenting Again For The Very First Time/You're Raising Your Grandchildren

159 Pages·2014·1.82 MB·English

by  Larry Lamb

LIBERTY UNIVERSITY THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
PARENTING AGAIN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
You’re Raising Your Grandchildren: Now What?

A Thesis Project Submitted to
Liberty University Theological Seminary

In partial fulfillment of the requirements

For the degree

DOCTOR OF MINISTRY

By

Larry D. Lamb
April 2014
Copyright ©2014 by Larry D. Lamb
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
LIBERTY UNIVERSITY THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY

THESIS PROJECT APPROVAL SHEET

_________________________________
GRADE

_________________________________
MENTOR
Dr. Charlie Davidson

_________________________________
READER
Dr. Rod Dempsey
ABSTRACT

PARENTING AGAIN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
You’re Raising Your Grandchildren: Now What?

Larry D. Lamb
Liberty Univers ity Theological Seminary, 2014
Mentor: Dr. Charlie N. Davidson

Grandparents raising their grandchildren are a new demographic emerging at a staggering
rate because the parents are either unwilling or incapable of raising their own children. The ra-
tional for this work is derived from the challenges this author and his wife have because of par-
enting their grandchildren. The research for this project has the value to offer support, wisdom,
hope, and perspective for those who are parenting again as grandparents. Opportunities abound
to lead grandchildren in a direction where they never would have gone had grandparents resist-
ed the selfless act of parenting again.
This project will be approached us ing surveys with specific questions from other grandpar-
ents who are raising their grandchildren. The survey will assist in assembling the reasons be-
hind this new and emerging trend of parenting. The resources gathered from this project will
help grandparents embrace their new role in life.

A bstract length: 142 words

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I dedicate this work to Heather, my wife and dearest frien d on earth. In February, 2009 we
decided that with the help of our God we would take on the assignment of parenting our grand-
children, Brayden, Shane, and Amaya. Only God would know the details of the journey. Only
He would be strong enough and wise enough to sustain us.

I also dedicate this work to Leslie, Aimee, and Noelle, our three daughters who have always
been loved without conditions. Because of you I love being called, “Dad.”

It doesn’t take much time working on an assignment of this length to understand what
“collaborative effort” means. I could not have seen this assignment across the finish line
without the help of my friend, Ouida English. I also want to thank my longtime friend Steve
Holloway for his expertise with anything related to computers. He’ll forget more about
technology that I will ever know. Ouida and Steve’s skills, determination, and insight are proof
that one is too small a number to finish this project alone.

My desire from these pages of research is for grandparents parenting their grandchildren to
have a renewed hope and insight to summon their courage for life, put their arms around their
grandchildren, hold them close in love, and witness their lives become sturdy for God’s
purposes. When that happens all the effort and selfless devotion will be worth the expenditure
of time and strength.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABSTRACT………………………………………………………………………………...iv
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS……………………………………………………….…………v
ILLUSTRTATIONS……………………………………………………………..…………..ix
INTRODUCTION ……………………………………………………………….………….1
The Statement of the Problem…………………………………………………….…………1
Disappointment………………………………………………………………………..4
Pain…………………………………………………………………………………….6
Anger…………………………………………………………………………………..7
Trauma…………………………………………………………………………………7
Jealously……………………………………………………………………………….8
Discipline……………………………………………………………………………….8
Legal Matters 14
Financial Stra…in…………………………………………………………………………………………………17
Emotional Strain…………………………………………………………………………………………………..18
Physical Strain ………………………………………………………………………………………………..19
Working With …A…ge…nc…ie…s……………………………………………………………………………………..19
The Statement of Limitation………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..…...…...…...…...…...…...…...….....21
The Theoretical Basis of the Project…………………………………………........................22
The Statement of Methodology…………………………………………………………… .24
The Review of Literature………………………………………………………………………25
Literature Related to Inner Awareness .26
……………v…i …………………………………………………………
Literature Related to Raising Children, Again . 31
Spiritual Development in the Heart of a Child……………………………………………………………..33
Summary of the Introduction ……………………………………………………………..34
CHAPTER ONE: HOW DID… IT… …C…OM……E …T…O… T…H…IS…?……………………………………………………
WHAT TO KNOW AND WHAT TO DO NEXT A S THE CAREGIVER…………………36
Grandparents Face Numerous Problems That Parents Do Have To Consider………………37
CHAPTER TWO: CULTURAL FACTS THAT PROVE YOU ARE NOT ALONE: .
TRENDS THAT TELL A STORY OF A OUR SHIFTING CULTURE………..…… ……..60
CHAPTER THREE: TEN WAYS TO KEEP THE “GRAND”IN GRANDPARENTING:
RAISING GRANDCHIDLREN AND ENJOYING THE JOUN REY………………… … 75
(1) Accept That This is a Big Change for Everyone .....................................….........76
(2) Realize That Grandchildren Are Adapting and M…a…k…in…g …Sacrifices Too ..83
(3) Talk Honestly and Openly About Family Structure ……………….….87
(4) Make Encouragement a Family Value ………………………………………… ….90
(5) Learn To Have Fun Together. ………………………………………………………………..93
(6) Make Structure and Stability a… F…ri…en…d……………………………………………………………….97
(7) Build In Time For Yourself (Or Yours…e…lv…es…).…………………………………………………….101
(8) Build a Biblical Foundation as the Anchor of …T…ru…th……………………………………………107
(9) Celebrate Small Accomplishments ……………………………………………..114
(10) Think Long-term Investment ………………………………………………………………… 118
…………………………………………………………………………
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CHAPTER FOUR: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW NOW THAT YOU’RE PARENTING
AGAIN:
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR INFLUENCE…………..124
APPENDIX A HOW OUR JOURNEY LED TO PARENTING AGAIN…………………..138
APPENDIX B SURVEY QUESTIONS FOR GRANDPARENTS……………………… .141
VITA………………………………………………………………………………………….144
BIBLIOGRAPHY…………………………………………………………………………….145
INSTITUTIONAL REVIEW BOARD…………………………………… …… …149
.. ………………

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Illustrations

Introduction
Figure I.1 Reasons why grandparents are raising their grandchildren
Figure I.2 Things that cause grandparents to be disappointed in their children
Figure I.3 Chart showing cycle of new issues in the lives of grandparents whe n parenting
Grandchildren
Figure I.4 Chart sh owing problems that can arise when children come into their home
Figure I.5 Discipline guidelines for grandparents
Figure I.6 Serious issues grandparents face
Figure I.7 Issues grandparents should consi der
Figure I.8 John Maxwell’s Five Keys on Build ing an Attitude
Chapter One
Figure 1.1 Survey related to reasons why grandparents are raising grandchildren
Figure 1.2 Responses from survey regarding how their lives have changed
Figure 1.3 Survey results showing length of time children have lived with their grandparents
Figure1.4 Results from survey showing ages of grandparents raising grandchildren
Figure 1.5 Value systems
Figure 1.6 Crucial areas w here wisdom is necessary
Chapter Two
Figure 2.1 Percentage of children by ethnic group living with grandparents
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Figure 2.2 Results showing ages of children living with grandparents
Figure 2.3 Changes faced by families
Chapter Three
Figure 3.1 Challenges to Children and Sacrifices They Must Face When Going to Live With
Their Grandparents
Figure 3.2 What to Tell Children
Figure 3.3 Ways to Create a Stab le and Predictable Environment in New Home
Figure 3.4 Routine That Can Be Used
Figure 3.5 Amaya, Shane and Brayden Preparing to Make a Gingerbread House
Christmas 2013
Figure 3.6 Brayden, Shane and Amaya With Finished Product
Figure 3.7 An “I love you”Note of Encouragement
Chapter Four
Figure 4.1 Ways Grandparents Can Mold the Lives of Their Grandchildren
Figure 4.2 Things Money Cannot Buy

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