Of Course You're Angry: A Guide to Dealing with the Emotions of Substance Abuse

256 Pages·1997·0.58 MB·English

by  Gayle Rosellini

Of Course You're Angry : A Guide to
title: Dealing With the Emotions of Substance
Abuse
author: Rosellini, Gayle.; Worden, Mark.
publisher: Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin: 1568381417
print isbn13: 9781568381411
ebook isbn13: 9780585156279
language: English
Alcoholics--Family relationships, Anger,
subject
Alcoholics--Psychology.
publication date: 1997
lcc: HV5132.R674 1997eb
ddc: 362.292/3
Alcoholics--Family relationships, Anger,
subject: Alcoholics--Psychology.
Page i
Of Course You're Angry
A Guide to Dealing with the Emotions of Substance
Abuse
Second Edition
By
Gayle Rosellini & Mark Worden
HAZELDEN
INFORMATION & EDUCATIONAL SERVICES
Page ii
Hazelden
Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176
1-800-328-0094 (Toll Free U.S., Canada, and the Virgin Islands)
1-651-213-4590 (24-hour Fax)
http://www.Hazelden.org (World Wide Web site on Internet)
© 1985, 1997 by Hazelden Foundation
All rights reserved. First published 1985. Second Edition 1997
Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication
may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of
the publisher
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Rosellini, Gayle.
Of course you're angry: a guide to dealing with the emotions of
substance abuse / by Gayle Rosellini & Mark Worden.rev. ed.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-56838-141-7
1. AlcoholicsFamily relationships. 2. Anger. 3. Alcoholics
Psychology. I. Worden, Mark. II. Title.
HV5132.R674 1997
362.292 '3dc21 96-37533
CIP
02 01 00 99 6 5 4
Book design by Will H. Powers
Cover design by David Spohn
Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc.
Editor's note
All the stories in this book are based on actual experiences. All
identifying information has been changed to protect the privacy of the
people involved.
Page iii
Dedicated
to the memory of
Michelle Abdill
and Roxanne Ellis
Page v
Contents
1. Anger and Recovery 1
2. In the Beginning, the Family Created Anger 13
3. Anger Styles I: To Feel or Not to Feel 23
4. Anger Styles II: Beyond Bad Temper 31
5. Anger Styles III: Nice People 48
6. Resentments 59
7. Conquering Our Common Conceits 72
8. The Ventilation Trap 85
9. Wrangling without Rancor 98
10. Beyond the Serenity Prayer 113
Index 125
About the Authors 131
Page 1
1
Anger and Recovery
It's after midnight and Donna is furious.
Why do I put up with it? Does anyone really need this torture? Why
isn't Jim home yet? He left for his AA meeting at a quarter to eight.
It's a quarter to one and he's still gone! The damn meeting only lasts
an hour and a half Where is he? If he's in a tavern
No, don't even think it. It's been a year. Jim's been sober a year. He
wouldn't. He couldn't.
Where is he?
Crouched into a corner of the sofa, Donna huddles in an agony of fear,
worry, and resentment.
Questions swirl through her mind. Wasn't Jim's getting sober
supposed to make everything better? Wasn't it supposed to be the start
of a bright new life, a life unmarred by the turmoil and arguments of
the old drinking days? Hadn't she gone to all those meetings and read
all those books just like the counselor recommended? Hadn't she
accepted the fact that substance abuse is a family disease; that, in her
own way, she'd been just as sick as Jim? Hadn't she done her share,
for God's sake, to patch together the shreds of a marriage slashed to
pieces by too much drinking and too much gambling at the local
casino?
She herself hadn't been to the casino in a year. She'd given up bingo
and video poker. That hadn't been easy. And when

Page 2
she went to one of her Twelve Step meetings, she came straight home
afterwards. Why couldn't Jim do the same?
Where is he?
If recovery was so wonderful, why was their marriage still awful?
Why the pounding heart? the clenched jaws? the aching, crushing
pressure in her chest every time Jim pulled another one of these
stunts? Didn't he know what they did to her?
No, he doesn't care what it does to me. He's too insensitive, too self-
centered to care about my feelings. He'd never understand the depth of
my fury. He just doesn't care.
Donna groans audibly. She feels like she's going crazy. What's wrong
with me? Why do I feel so much hatred? Why do I feel so much?
Baffled, she looks down at her mug and sees the dregs of her coffee.
Cold and bitter, she thinks. Very appropriate. Then she tries to shake
off her venomous thoughts. Jim's sober. That's the important thing to
remember. I have to concentrate on that. Sobriety comes first. That's
what the counselors always say. Sobriety is the most important thing.
But her anger remains: Yeah, Jim's sober. Big deal. Nothing else has
changed. He's out doing his thing while I sit home, sick with worry.
The memory of all those terrible nights stabs at her heart. Why don't I
just get a divorce and be done with it? Jim doesn't care. Oh, he
pretends to, but all he really cares about is himself Otherwise, he
wouldn't treat me this way, would he? Would he?
She wants to cry. How many times has she tried to solve these
problems? But what can I do about it? I certainly can't let Jim know
how I feel because if I do, if I lose control of my temper for one
minute, everything will come pouring out in a roaring flood of anger,
a torrent of pain, a relentless surge of savage and ugly resentment.