Madness or Knowing the Unbearable Truth: A Psychoanalytic Journey in Search of Sanity

256 Pages·2018·2.25 MB·English

by  Tova Zaltz

Madness or Knowing the Unbearable
Truth
MadnessorKnowingtheUnbearableTruthoffersreadersanarrativeoftherela-
tionship between atherapistand her patient who desperately wants to discover
herpast.Withnomemoryandnowayofknowingwhatwasreal,herlongther-
apeuticjourneywastolast26years,halfherlifetime.Heronlyrealitywasthelife
shelivedinthepresenceofhertherapist.Thenarrativeunfoldstorevealastoryof
horrificeventsthatmustbehidden,yetcannolongerbekeptsecret.Itshedslight
onhowchroniclong-termtraumatisationwithinaclosedfamilycirclecancreate
madness in avulnerable and lonely child, and helps the reader gain an under-
standingoftheenigmaticphenomenaofDissociatedIdentityDisorder.
Having been terrorized into silence, destroying her ability to use language
in a house of secrets and lies, the therapy reveals how this patient struggles to
comeoutofherautistic-likestateinsearchofwaystofindherpast,her“self”
andher voice.Inthisstruggle,thereaderbecomes anaudienceexposedtothe
birth of dissociative personae who come forth to tell her story. As language
slowly unfolds, she begins to share a first-hand account, albeit in written
form, of the most complex psychological forces involved in avictim of incest
who simultaneously loves, hates and is terrorized by her lover–father.
Through live vignettes, it demonstrates how external violence can create
inner violence that threatens to annihilate the soul, leaving only a body to
survive. The book provides an original contribution to our understanding of
the complex psychological forces involved in incest, featuring the patient’s
own, coherent written texts, mediated by her therapist. The former’s remark-
able insights represent essential reading for all readers involved in policy
development for the protection of children at high riskof suffering abuse.
Tova Zaltz is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst, member of the Tel
Aviv Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis, with a private practice near
Jerusalem, where she works with people of all ages. She has treated and
supervised individuals, groups and staff in private and public institutions,
including children with learning difficulties, high-risk families, as well as
bereaved families. Tova has extensive experience in the development of psy-
choanalytic thinking within educational systems.
“This is a most striking account where different phases and happenings are
recorded not in the mind but in bodily formations. For any therapist working
with bizarre forms of psychosis this is an inspiring book.”
–Neville Symington, author, Narcissism: A New Theory, The Making of a
Psychotherapist, Becoming a Person through Psycho-Analysis and
co-author of The Clinical Thinking of Wilfred Bion (Routledge)
“This stunning book is destined to become a classic. The story of this
patient’s journey is gripping, touching and overwhelming as it probes various
depths of the most profound suffering in the face of ultimate human cruelty,
the patient’s brilliantly creative – bordering on and including deranged –
psychological strategies of survival, and the exquisite sensitivity of the thera-
pist to unconscious processes along with deep caring and respect for her
patient.”
–Israel W. Charny, PhD, author, Psychotherapy for a Democratic Mind:
Treatment of Intimacy, Tragedy, Violence and Evil
“What a wonderful book Tova Zaltz has written. A detailed portrayal of a
twenty year journey in therapy engaging madness within and madness with-
out. Profound engagement with psychic realityopened doors of violent abuse
in childhood mirrored by the patient’s aggression turned against herself. This
book is packed with rich psychological themes expressed in moment to
moment interaction. One comes through, with Tova and her patient, chal-
lenges of working together and the need to grow.”
–Michael Eigen, PhD, author, Faith, Contact with the Depths, and The
Challenge of Being Human
“This is a rare book – I am not aware of any other that provides a detailed
and respectful clinical account of a twenty-six year psychoanalytic treatment
of a woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder. This is written by a brave
and significant newcomer to the field with lyrical and painful openness and
rigourwhohashonedherunderstandingthroughtheencounterandfulfilsthe
wish of the patient to be remembered.”
–Valerie Sinason, PhD, MACP, MInstPsychoanal, Founder Director Clinic
for Dissociative Studies, 2016 ISSTD Lifetime Achievement Award
Madness or Knowing the
Unbearable Truth
A Psychoanalytic Journey in Search of Sanity
Tova Zaltz
Firstpublished2019
byRoutledge
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©2019TovaZaltz
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AcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary
LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData
Names:Zaltz,Tova,author.
Title:Madnessorknowingtheunbearabletruth:apsychoanalyticjourneyin
searchofsanity/TovaZaltz.
Description:Abingdon,Oxon;NewYork,NY:Routledge,2018.|Includes
bibliographicalreferences.
Identifiers:LCCN2018022710(print)|LCCN2018031480(ebook)|ISBN
9780429449338(MastereBook)|ISBN9781138327283|ISBN9781138327283
(hardback)|ISBN9781138327290(paperback)|ISBN9780429449338(ebk)
Subjects:LCSH:Multiplepersonality--Patients--Biography.
Classification:LCCRC569.5.M8(ebook)|LCCRC569.5.M8Z352018(print)|
DDC616.85/236--dc23
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018022710
ISBN:9781138327283(hbk)
ISBN:9781138327290(pbk)
ISBN:9780429449338(ebk)
TypesetinTimesNewRoman
byTaylor&FrancisBooks
For ‘Caroline’
one of the speechless victims of a world without mercy,
who trusted me enough to be able to tell her story.
This page intentionally left blank
Contents
Acknowledgements ix
Introduction 1
PARTI
Creating a safe place inside 5
1 In the beginning – a stone 7
2 Separating inside from outside 19
3 Take out the badness, I want to be loved 33
4 From dead ends to DID 49
5 An alternative way to communicate: Written language 62
6 How can I know that we are real? 79
7 The story of incest: Keeping it all in the family 89
8 The dangerof the good object 98
9 On incest, blindness and paranoia 108
10 The hospital dream: A place to bring the madness 119
11 The silence is not to be battled – but understood 124
12 The death of Dad: Loneliness 131
13 On pimps and prostitution 139
14 When trauma has no witness 150
viii Contents
PARTII
Living the past in the present: dying, to get somewhere 155
15 Enactment instead of memory 157
16 From “hanging the doll” to “death by hanging” 175
17 The cult dream 185
18 Alice in Horrorland 196
19 The mysterious garden 203
PARTIII
From inside to outside: choosing life 209
20 Thou shalt not tell 211
21 From pregnancy to birth 219
Epilogue 235
Bibliography 246
Index 250
Acknowledgements
Each of my supervisors contributed immeasurably with their experience and
wisdom to mydevelopment as apsychoanalyst. I know that I often presented
themwithchallengestheyhadnotpreviouslyconfronted.Each,inherandhis
special way, met these challenges in away that gave me confidence, trust and
a strong belief that where two thinking hearts meet away can be found. My
deep gratitude goes to them – in chronological order: Bat Sheva Adler,
Neville Symington, and Hanni Biran.
To my friends and colleagues Dr Shlomit Cohen and Nezer Dai who were
always there to challenge my thinking and help me find my own voice, I am
most appreciative. I am most grateful and feel lucky to have such good col-
legial friends who read the text with love, fruitful input and much encour-
agement: Ahuva Schul, Judy Katz-Charny, and Sara Haramati. Rhona
Strauss, in addition to her psychological insights, was of immense help in the
language editing of the final version of this book. Hannah Groumi made the
preparation for publication of all the technical editing aspects feel doablein a
way I did not imagine possible.
A source of invaluable support throughout the years was my own analyst,
Tirza Sandbank. Without her understandings I would not have been able to
survive all the madness projected into me by my psychotic patient. Her belief
in me and in my ability to write this book made it into a reality. Tirza was
alwaystherefor me:inmomentsoffear,inmomentsofdoubtinmyabilityto
treat Caroline and at times depression threatened to overwhelm me for fear I
hadtakenonsomethingIcouldnot do.Knowingshewastherewithdesireto
readthetextandgivelivefeedbackwashavingthat“specialsomeonetowrite
to” in moments of extreme loneliness.
Most of all, I am indebted to my husband, Yossi Zaltz, who supported me
throughoutthe yearswhile Itreated Caroline inawaythatattimes put strain
on our relationship. Without his love and devotion to myself and our three
children – Yuval, Amit, and Yifat – our family would not have become the
strong unit that it is.
Especially, I thank my brave, courageous patient for allowing me into her
mindwhere I learnt so much about the vicissitudes and complexityof human