Kevin Ahern's Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies

372 Pages·2017·1.2 MB·English

by  Kevin Ahern

Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic
Melodies

This is the complete collection of Kevin Ahern's Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies as
of March 12, 2022. The link page for individual melodies is http://www.davincipress.com
My Many Merry Melodies is available at
http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/my-many-merry-melodies/paperback/
product-23425848.html
“Rhymes and Misdemeanors” is available at https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/kevin-ahern/
rhymes-and-misdemeanors/paperback/product-1pgjzqr8.html
“Limericks Come Alive!” is available at https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/j-raymond-
davidson-and-kevin-ahern/limericks-come-alive/paperback/product-1g2pe772.html
“A Limerick a Day For a Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-
limerick-a-day-for-a-year/paperback/product-20580652.html
“A Limerick a Day For Another Year” is available at
http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-another-year/paperback/
product-21361729.html
“A Limerick a Day For a Third Year” is available at https://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-
ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-third-year/paperback/product-21959393.html
“A Limerick a Day for a Fourth Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/http://
www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-fourth-year/paperback/
product-22439562.html
“A Limerick a Day for a Fifth Year” is available at
http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-fifth-year/paperback/
product-22990649.html
“A Limerick a Day for a Sixth Year” is available at
http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-sixth-year/paperback/
product-23361989.html
“Kevin Ahern’s 1001 Punniest Limericks” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/
kevin-ahern/kevin-aherns-1001-punniest-limericks/paperback/product-21732984.html
Please let me know if the melodies are fun and useful to you. My email address is
[email protected]
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 1 of 427
The Time It Is A-Changin’
Copyright © 2022 Kevin Ahern
(to the tune of “The Times They Are A-Changin’)
Come listen up folks in the US of A
Who are noticing winter is slipping away
And accept it is true clocks can change what they say
No matter the outcomes circadian
You had better get with it or a price you will pay
For the time it is a-changin’
Go set those clocks forward or be late all day
Get started right now cuz tomorrow’s Monday
Such a zombie you’ll be and it won’t go away
No matter how much you’re exclaimin’
The hour lost now will come back one fall day
Oh the time it is a-changin’
So calm down your anger, ’tis useless to fight
Leap forward not backward to decrease your nights
Though you curse old Ben Franklin with all of your might
And his thoughts on clock rearrangin’
It’s the time of the year to be saving daylight
Oh the time it is a-changin’
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 2 of 427
Oh Glaucoma!
Copyright © 2021 Kevin Ahern
(to the tune of “Oklahoma!”)
Oh glaucoma!

You reduce the vision of our eyes

Everyone should know

When the pressures grow

Best to do what the doctors advise

With glaucoma

There’s dorzolamide they’ll give to you

And Zioptan’s great if you tolerate

And if not, go see OH-SU

When med-icines don’t do their thing

The person to see’s Doctor Ing

Her surgery-y-y-y-y-y

Trabeculectomy-y-y-y-y-y

It’s important to

Lessen progression of blindness

Oh glaucoma! G-L-A-U-C-O-M-A

Oh glaucoma! Go away!
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 3 of 427
The Light of Darkness
Copyright © 2021 Kevin Ahern

(to the tune of “The Sound of Silence”
Hello darkness my old friend
Standard time is back again
All the clocks moved back an hour slow
Best to check them twice before you go
And the sunshine
That had brightened up my day
Has gone away
There is no light in darkness
Some say light’s not gone away
Shifted sooner in the day
Shadows growing with each passing hour
Changing attitudes from sweet to sour
But we all succumb to the best of autumn’s charms
Late alarms
When we trade light for darkness
As for me, I do not know
How this change is gonna go
Racing off to work, the sky is dark
When I return at night, the setting’s stark
All the rhythms that were fixed inside my brain
I must retrain

When trading light for darkness
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 4 of 427
Sani-Cloth is Cleaning Up Town
(to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”)
Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern 
It’s time to get clean
You need to comply
Til there’s a vaccine
You cannot stand by
Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town
It’s cleaning up hands
Killing the germs
Wiping out COVID
The doctor confirms
Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town
Chorus
It is a magic tissue
One wipe and then it’s through
I only have one wish you
Will use it please, thank you
So, roll up those sleeves
Wipe off that skin
If you do I believe
‘Twill be a win-win
Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town

Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 5 of 427
There is a Virus on the Loose
(to the tune of Neal Gladstone’s “When There’s a Grapefruit in Your Life”)
Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern 
There is a virus on the loose
That has sucked out all the pleasure
It’s the worst thing we have seen
Making for a quarantine
And the Charmin’s running low
Off you go into a store
On a quest for toilet paper
But there’s none upon its shelves
From restocking elves
Oh so now what will you use?
There’s a virus on the loose
When there’s a virus right nearby
You must avoid a bad infection
So a mask is put in place
A bra for your face
And your breath stinks up your nose
Here’s the new reality
If you are a non-essential
Working from your living room
In pajamas using Zoom
Making sure to close your fly
There’s a virus right nearby
Bridge
I can’t wait til it is over
I’ll need a vacation
Subsidize the Nobel prize
For an inoculation
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 6 of 427
When there’s a virus near your mouth
You will not know of its presence
That is why it is the case
You should never touch your face
Not a finger not a thumb
And you’ll be much better for it
You’ll survive, congratulations
Just be careful where you eat
Stay apart at least six feet
And, dear God, avoid the south
There’s a virus near your mouth

Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 7 of 427
Grandma Got Infected by That Virus
(To the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”)
Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern 
Grandma got infected by that virus
Cuz they opened up her state too soon
They claimed it was fine for all the people
But I don’t think my grandma was immune
She’d been feeling very happy
Baking cookies and some bread
But then she got that awful fever
Before we knew what happened she was dead
Meanwhile the politicians voted
For that giant company payout
If they’re of and by and for the people
Then why aren’t we the ones they’re bailing out?
Grandma got infected by that virus
Cuz they opened up her state too soon
They claimed it was fine for all the people
But I don’t think my grandma was immune
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 8 of 427
Beaver Believer
(to the tune of “Daydream Believer”)
Copyright © 2018 Kevin Ahern
Oh I get high. Such a grin
Every time the Beavers win
The orange and black’s em-bedded in my skin
From the Gill - basketball
To the labs in Cordley Hall
So much to say, now where should I begin?
Chorus
Cheer on Benny Beav
Students will achieve
They’re all
Beaver Believers
With an ace up their sleeves

Innovate and dream
Linus Pauling’s on the team
There’s not any more that one might need
When Ed Ray tells everyone
That the best is yet to come
You darn sure better know that they’ll succeed
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 9 of 427
Chorus
Cheer on Benny Beav
Students will achieve
Since they’re
Beaver Believers
With an ace up their sleeves
Chorus
Cheer for Benny Beav
Dump on Donald Duck
We’re all
Beaver Believers

And those other guys suck
Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 10 of 427