Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love

276 Pages·2003·14.593 MB·English

by  Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller, J. Keith Miller

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Giving Yourself the Power
Way
to Change the You Love
Mellody
Pia
*
With Andrea Wells Miller and Keith Miller
J.

Facing Love
Addiction
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8^
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ALSO BY PIA MELLODY AND ANDREA WELLS MILLER
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WhereIt Comes From, How ItSabotages OurLives
BY PIA MELLODY AND LAWRENCE S. FREUNDLICH
TheIntimacy Factor: The GroundRulesfor Overcomingthe
Obstacles to Truth, Respect, andLastingLove
ALSO BY KEITH MILLER
J.
A HungerforHealing: The Twelve Steps as a
ClassicModelfor Christian Spiritual Growth
Compelledto Control: Why Relationships
Break Down andWhatMakes Them Well
Facing Love
Addiction
Giving Yourself the Power
to Change the Way You Love
Mellody
Pia
with ANDREA WELLS MILLER
and KEITH MILLER
J.
HarperSanFrancisco
A Division ofWzvptrCoW'msPublishers
FACING LOVEADDICTION: GivingYourselfthePowerto ChangetheWayYouLove.
Copyright© 1992,2003 byPiaMellody,AndreaWellsMiller,andJ. KeithMiller.All rights
reserved. PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica. Nopartofthisbookmaybeused
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-Publication Data
Mellody, Pia.
Facingloveaddiction: givingyourselfthepowertochange
thewayyoulove/PiaMellodywith
—
AndreaWellsMillerandJ. KeithMiller. 1sted.
p. cm.
ISBN0-06-250604-8 (pbk.: alk. paper)
1. Relationshipaddiction. I. Miller,AndreaWells. II. Miller, Keith. III.Title
RC552.R44M45 1992 91-55289
616.86—dc20
03 0405 0607RRD(H) 31 32 33 34 35 36
To my children,
Jane, Timothy, Benjamin, and Daniel
each ofwhosepresence helped move meforward in my
recoveryjourney. My love andconcernfor them gave me
the motivation to movepast myfear anddenial
into recovery, and to keep on keeping on.
—
PIA MELLODY

.
Contents
A
Notefrom theAuthor ix
Preface xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xv
Part Love Addicts and Their
I:
Relationships
1
1 Separating Codependence from Love Addiction 3
2. The Characteristics ofthe Love Addict 10
3. The Emotional Cycles ofthe Love Addict 22
4. The Partners Love Addicts Choose:
Characteristics ofthe Love Avoidant 38
5. The Emotional Cycles ofthe Love Avoidant 52
6. When Love Addicts Meet Love Avoidants:
The Characteristics ofCo-Addicted Relationships 57
PART II: The Recovery Process 75
7. What to Do About Your Co-Addicted Relationship
8. Putting the Relationship on Hold 86
9. Withdrawing from Love Addiction 101
10. Treating the Symptoms ofCodependence 109
11. Entering or Reentering a Relationship 124
PART III: A Healthy Relationship 143
12. Marks ofa Healthy Relationship 145
13. Unrealistic Expectations (by Pat Mellody) 155
PART IV: Journaling Exercises for
Recovery 175
14. Journaling Exercises for Facing Love Addiction 177
15. Writing a Step One for Love Addiction 197
16. Writing a Step Four for Love Addiction 203
17. Journaling Exercises for the Love Avoidant 209
Conclusion: PersonalRecovery 236
AppendixA:A Look atSome ofthe PsychologicalLiterature
RegardingLoveAddiction 238
SuggestedReading 243
Lndex 246