Dealing with life's issues : a Buddhist perspective

192 Pages·2008·3.004 MB·English

by  Thubten Chodron

Dealing
with Life’s Issues
A Buddhist Perspective
B Ven. Thubten Chodron
Published for Free Distribution Only
Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery
Dharma Propagation Division
Awaken Publishing and Design
88 Bright Hill Road
Singapore 574117
Tel: [phone]
E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.kmspks.org
1st Edition, January 2008
2nd reprint of 5,000 copies, April 2008
ISBN-13: 978-981-05-9395-7
EISSUES-0102-0408
© Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery
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Contents
Preface
M v m
Romantic Love & Marriage
M 1 m
Dharma & the Family
M 14 m
Dharma Guidance on World Events
M 30 m
Dharma & Terminal Illness
M 67 m
Dharma & Suicide
M 103 m
Dharma & the Prison:
Making Friends with Ourselves
M 127 m
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Dealing With Life’s Issues v
PREFACE
Are you bogged down by life’s many challenges?
Or confused about how families can use the Dharma
to discipline and help children? Ever wondered what
Buddhism says about romantic love, marriage, divorce,
homosexuality, premarital sex and abortion?
In this book, Ven. Thubten Chodron tackles these
and other issues, giving clear and succinct answers to
the many challenges, difficulties and problems we face
in life, from terrorist attacks, natural disasters, global
warming to dealing with the loss of loved ones from
terminal illnesses and suicide.
In the last chapter, which is a teaching transcribed
from a talk she gave at a Correctional Centre in
USA, she tells us in direct terms how through mind
vi
transformation and evaluating our motivations, we can
develop our incredible human potential to the fullest
and eventually be free from craving, dissatisfactions,
hostility, fear and distrust.
Like the Buddha, we have the potential to develop
an open heart with equal love and compassion for every
living being.
This is an enlightening book with most, if not all,
the answers you seek.
May all sentient beings be well, happy and at
peace.
May all progress well on the path of the Dharma
and quickly become fully enlightened Buddhas for the
benefit of all sentient beings!

Yours in the Dharma,
Sister Esther Thien
Executive Editor
Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery
Awaken Publishing & Design
Dharma Propagation Division

~ Mindfulness is the Method, Compassion is the Expression, and
Wisdom is the Essence ~
Dealing With Life’s Issues 1
ROMANTIC
LOVE & MARRIAGE
What does Buddhism say about romantic love and
marriage?
In the Sigalovada Sutra, the Buddha talked about
ways the two members of a marriage should relate to
each other. Basically, human respect, genuine care,
patience and open communication are important
elements for a long-term relationship.
More than romantic love is needed to have a healthy
romantic relationship. You need to love the other
person as a human being and as a friend. The sexual
attraction that feeds romantic love is an insufficient
basis on which to establish a long-term relationship.
Deeper care and affection, as well as responsibility and
trust must be cultivated.
2 Romantic Love & Marriage
We do not fully understand ourselves and are a
mystery to ourselves. Needless to say, other people
are even more of a mystery to us. Therefore, do
not presuppose, with a bored attitude that craves
excitement, that you know everything about your
partner because you have been together so long. If you
have the awareness of the other person being a mystery,
you will continue to pay attention and be interested in
him or her. Such interest is one key to a long-lasting
relationship.
Trust is important and is built up by both people
being caring and responsible in carrying out their
commitments. With the change in gender-identified
roles of men and women in our society, each couple
needs to divide the duties of running a household and
raising a family in a fair way, agreeable to both people.
Each person then fulfils his or her responsibilities, thus
increasing the trust between them.
Trust is also built up by being truthful to the other
person. Thus, it’s good to avoid doing things that
we have to lie about. If we do make a mistake, let’s
apologise. On the other hand, if our partner apologises
to us, we can forgive him or her and try to let go of any
hurt feelings or the wish for revenge. Forgiving someone
does not mean we condone their action. Rather, we
simply let go of our anger.
Making the Dharma and spiritual practice the
centre of one’s relationship makes a couple close in
important ways. When both partners are intent on
Dealing With Life’s Issues 3
cultivating good qualities in themselves and helping
others to do the same, day-to-day activities go better
too. See your partner as someone who has the Buddha
nature. Then even when your partner is in a bad mood,
you will see the person as being temporarily obscured
but still having wonderful potential and goodness
within him or her.
Some people want to be in a couple relationship,
others do not. Either choice is fine. It is not wise for
parents to pressure their children to marry or to have
a family.
a
How does Buddhism view lesbianism and
homosexuality? What is considered unwise sexual
behaviour?
The Pali scriptures make no mention of homosexuality
being unwise sexual conduct. For monastics, all sexual
intercourse is a root downfall. It doesn’t specify the
gender of one’s partner. Vasubandhu, a teacher who
came several centuries after the Buddha, discouraged
homosexuality. Personally speaking, I think what’s most
important is the motivation behind how we use our
sexuality. In other words, if people use their sexuality
unkindly or unwisely, it doesn’t matter if it is directed
to someone of their own sex or the opposite sex.
There are several people in our Buddhist group in
4 Romantic Love & Marriage
Seattle who are gay, and they told me that they knew
they were gay when they were quite young. It isn’t a
learned behaviour. That is just how their karma played
out. I feel that criticising or discriminating against
people who are gay is counter to the attitude of love
and compassion that the Buddha would like all of his
disciples to cultivate.
The broader issue relates to the third precept, which
concerns unwise sexual behaviour. I don’t think this
precept is so much about the details of where, when,
and with whom one can have sexual relations. It is more
about one’s basic motivation and attitude, whether one
is using sexuality wisely and kindly. If sexuality is used
carelessly — for example, if people have unprotected
sex when there is a danger of sexually transmitted
diseases — that is unwise use of sexuality because such
action could damage the other person or harm oneself.
If people use their sexual partner for the benefit of
their own ego, that is not wise use of sexuality because
this could result in the other person feeling hurt or
humiliated. Having sex with children is also clearly
unwise because that is very damaging to the child. But
if people are responsible adults, think carefully about
what they do, and have an attitude of kindness towards
their partner, they will use their sexuality wisely and
kindly, be they straight or gay.
The basic questions one should ask oneself are,
“How do I relate to my sexuality?” “Am I always
looking at other people’s bodies and judging them by