Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last

357 Pages·2007·2.15 MB·English

by  Lyster M.

6th edition
Building a
Parenting Agreement
That Works
How to Put Your Kids First
When Your Marriage Doesn’t Last
By Mimi E. Lyster
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6th edition
Building a
Parenting Agreement
That Works
How to Put Your Kids First
When Your Marriage Doesn’t Last
By Mimi E. Lyster
Sixth Edition SEptEmbEr 2007
Editor Emily doSkow
book & Cover design SuSan putnEy
proofreader paul tylEr
index miChaEl fErrEira
printing ConSolidatEd printErS, inC.
lyster, mimi E.
building a parenting agreement that works: how to put your kids first when your
marriage doesn’t last / by mimi E. lyster -- 6th ed.
p. cm.
includes index.
iSbn-13: 978-1-4133-0722-1 (pbk.)
iSbn-10: 1-4133-0722-1
1. Custody of children--united States--popular works. 2. divorce settlements--united States--popular
works--popular works. i. title.
kf547.Z9l97 2007
346.7301'73--dc22
2007013006
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Dedication
to the children who liven up my life and fill our home with joy, katelyn, ben, alysha, and
nichelle. and to my husband, Steve, whose love and support has carried me so far.
Acknowledgments
i continue to owe thanks to:
• Kevin Elkus, John Helie, and Steve Elias for helping me cling to the notion that our
virtual team will yet pull a rabbit from some hat
• the editing department at Nolo for helping to bring this edition into being, and
• my mediation mentors, peers, and clients for helping me to learn with increasing clar-
ity the power of facilitated dialogue decision making.
i would also like to thank those that i have come to know and work with in California’s
court system for their significant contributions to my understanding of this work and the
evolving context within which families are helped to find satisfying and child-focused solu-
tions to their parenting disputes.

Table of Contents
I Introduction
Make Your Own Custody Decisions If Possible ..........................................................2
What If We Need Outside Help? ........................................................................................3
Balancing Parenting and Financial Issues.......................................................................3
Why This Book Is Unique .......................................................................................................4
A Word to Skeptics ....................................................................................................................5
What If You Just Want to Fight? .........................................................................................6
Part I: Getting Started
1 Taking Stock of Your Situation
You Are Not Alone .................................................................................................................12
Keep Your Parenting Plan Focused on Your Children .........................................12
It Gets Easier Over Time ......................................................................................................13
Learn How to Negotiate ......................................................................................................15
If the Other Parent Is Absent ............................................................................................16
If There Is Violence or Abuse in the Family ...............................................................16
2 An Introduction to Parenting Agreements
What Parenting Agreements Cover ..............................................................................20
Advantages of Parent-Negotiated Agreements ......................................................20
Goals of a Successful Parenting Agreement ..............................................................21
Parenting Agreements and Custody .............................................................................23
3 Getting Organized
Organize and Review Documents ..................................................................................26
Completing the Worksheets .............................................................................................27
Sample Worksheets ................................................................................................................29