Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities

206 Pages·2017·1.11 MB·English

Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities
Myth
1. You must identify the root cause of your unhappiness from the past in order to
heal and be happy in the present.
Reality
1. It is unfortunately the normal human lot to be frustrated and unhappy at various
points in your life. There is no magic pill to make you happy, and your attitude
in the present is much more the issue than anything that happened to you in the
past.
Myth
2. Checklists of “symptoms” are reliable tools to identify disorders.
Reality
2. Beware of symptom checklists, particularly if they apply to nearly everyone in
the general population. At one time or another, most people experience depres-
sion, troubled relationships, ambivalence toward family members, and low self-
esteem. These are not necessarily “symptoms” of anything other than the human
condition.
Myth
3. You can trust any therapist who seems compassionate, warm, wise, and caring.
You do not need to ask about credentials, experience, training, philosophy, treat-
ment approach, or techniques.
Reality
3. Just because a therapist is warm and caring does not mean that he or she is com-
petent or can help you. Training, philosophy, and treatment modalities are
extremely important. Therapists who dwell unceasingly on your past are unlikely
to help you cope with your present-day problems. Therapy should challenge you
to change your way of thinking about and dealing with the present-day conflicts
that sent you to therapy in the first place.
© The Author(s) 2017 421
M. Pendergrast, The Repressed Memory Epidemic,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-63375-6
422 Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities
Myth
4. Your therapist should become an extremely important person in your life, a sur-
rogate parent.
Reality
4. Good therapists never encourage a client to become overly dependent. The goal
of therapy should be to make one a fully functioning person capable of indepen-
dent judgment. Any therapist who relishes the role of authority figure or guru
should be avoided. Any therapist who tells you that he or she alone cares about
you and understands you is a bad therapist. Good therapists constantly guard
against bringing their own egos, needs, and biases into the therapy session.
Myth
5. Therapy is an art, not a science. Therefore, it is inappropriate to ask for a treat-
ment plan.
Reality
5. Therapists who hide behind statements about how therapy is an art-form should
take up painting and stop practicing their “art” on unsuspecting minds. Patients
should not be used as guinea pigs for experimental techniques. Like brain sur-
geons, those who treat mental problems should base their treatment on scientifi-
cally proven, safe and effective methods. Patients should seek alternate opinions
from therapists with different clinical orientations.
Myth
6. Your therapist is an intuitive genius who does not need to consult with other thera-
pists or refer you to a physician for any physical problems. Therapists have an
uncanny ability to discern the truth of your statements.
Reality
6. Therapists are no better than anyone else at determining truth or falsehood.
Enormous confidence in one’s intuition turns out to be a drawback in terms of
predictive outcome. “Clinical intuition” is notoriously inaccurate. In one study,
clinical psychologists were correct less than 50% of the time in assessing sexual
abuse. That being the case, therapists should remain suitably humble and seek
outside consultation frequently, especially if clients present with physical prob-
lems. Such clients should be referred to competent psychiatrists and other physi-
cians for a full mental and physical evaluation.
Myth
7. All “Christian therapists” and pastoral counselors can be trusted because they are
sincere and in touch with the Lord.
Reality
7. Unfortunately, more atrocities have been committed in the name of God than any
other cause. True Christians believe in love, family unity, and forgiveness. Too
many so-called Christian counselors and ministers have promoted hatred, family
destruction, and no forgiveness.
Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities 423
Myth
8. Group therapy is always a good way to treat survivors of sexual abuse.
Reality
8. Group therapy can indeed be helpful in some cases, but it can be extremely dam-
aging in others, particularly when there is peer pressure to conform to group
expectations. In an “incest survivor” group, for instance, retelling and embellish-
ing horror stories can create an emotional hothouse atmosphere in which those
who do not have “memories” feel inadequate or left out, and they feel pressured
to “remember” similar horrors. Similarly, they are told that if they react strongly
to a story, it is proof that they were abused.
Myth
9. Self-help books are always helpful and authoritative.
Reality
9. Self-help books can indeed be very useful, but readers should never forget that
many publishers are interested primarily in profits, not accuracy. In other words,
just because something is written in an authoritative style and is published in a
best- selling book doesn’t mean that it is true. Books such as The Courage to Heal
are full of misinformation and have caused untold damage. Intelligent readers of
such books should employ their own critical thinking skills and should also read
books expressing contrary views.
Myth
10. If you recalled traumatic events on your own, outside therapy, they are reliable
because you could not have been led into them.
Reality
10. Beginning in the mid-1980s, and extending into the 1990s and into the 21st
century, the idea that personal problems may stem from long-forgotten sexual
abuse became so prevalent that almost all women (and many men) considered
whether they might have been incest victims without knowing it. Many seeking
answers to their problems desperately sought “memories” both in and out of
therapy. Many recovered such “memories” after reading self-help books, being
“triggered” by a talk show, or talking to a friend. They were led into this false
belief system just as surely as in formal therapy.
Myth
11. All good therapy takes a long time and involves delving into the past.
Reality
11. The forms of therapy that have proven to be the most effective are cognitive and
behavioral therapy that do not dwell on the past, but help clients cope with cur-
rent life stressors, often by reframing the way they perceive their problems.
Such therapy can often be short-term.
Myth
12. Memories are always accurate.
424 Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities
Reality
12. All memories are reconstructions of likely scenarios in which you fill in the
gaps. Thus, all memories are somewhat inaccurate, though they serve us well
enough under normal conditions. Under authoritative social influence, how-
ever, memories can be distorted or even entirely rewritten. Memory is largely a
matter of rehearsal. The more often a scene is rehearsed, the more real it
becomes to you. Experiments have shown that people can be induced to remem-
ber traumatic events that did not occur.
Myth
13. If you have a tiny intuition or a feeling that you may have been sexually abused,
you probably were.
Reality
13. If you have a “tiny intuition or a feeling” that you may have been sexually
abused and that you have repressed the memories, you have probably been
influenced by The Courage to Heal, similar books, or the popular culture that
made such notions so popular. If you were truly sexually abused, the odds are
very good that you remember it all too well.
Myth
14. Repeated trauma is so distressing that it must be repressed or dissociated. You
could have been raped for years and not remember anything about it.
Reality
14. There is no scientific evidence that human beings are capable of “massive
repression.” On the contrary, there is much evidence that traumatic events are
more likely to be remembered than others. There is no way to prove that mas-
sive repression does not exist, however, just as one cannot prove that ghosts or
witches do not exist; one cannot prove a negative.
Myth
15. If you cannot remember chunks of your childhood, you were probably so trau-
matized that you forgot them.
Reality
15. No one remembers every event from his or her childhood. Most people recall
the high and low points, but not much in between. This is normal and does not
indicate any trauma in childhood.
Myth
16. You must remember and relive all traumatic events from your past in order to
heal.
Reality
16. Although talking through recent painful events may be helpful, dwelling on
long-past traumas tends to make people worse rather than better. The idea that
you must “relive” or abreact the trauma to get better is simply not true. On the
contrary, therapists who tell clients, “You must get worse before you get better,”
Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities 425
are misleading them. The endless downward spiral into retrieving more and
more “memories” is harmful rather than helpful.
Myth
17. You have a huge storehouse of unresolved anger. You must “get your anger out”
in order to heal.
Reality
17. It is natural to want to express justifiable anger, but it is seldom healing in and
of itself. When rage is encouraged as a “healthy” outlet, it tends to feed on itself
and create more rage rather than less. People need to learn to express their dif-
ferences in an appropriate and helpful manner. Often, it is best to avoid con-
frontations until anger has subsided and a more rational discussion can ensue.
Myth
18. Confrontation is necessary for healing.
Reality
18. Confrontation should be undertaken only with the idea of achieving a better
understanding and relationship. In other words, mediation in which all parties
participate is preferable to judgmental confrontation. Confronting someone as
a “hit- and- run” tactic, without allowing any dialogue, is cowardly and unfair—
certainly not “courageous.”
Myth
19. If you were a victim of incest, you must completely detach from your family in
order to heal. You must detach from anyone who does not completely support
you or who questions your memories.
Reality
19. Even in cases of real, always-remembered incest, it is doubtful that complete
detachment from the biological family is ultimately helpful. If the incest is
ongoing, temporary separation is clearly indicated. However, therapy should
involve the entire family, including the perpetrator, in order to promote change
and healing. True family therapy has proved to be helpful in many cases.
Unfortunately, some therapists encourage separation and isolation from the
family without ever meeting other family members. There is an inherent danger
in isolating already disturbed and vulnerable people from their family and
friends.
Myth
20. Multiple personality disorder is a common response to childhood trauma and is
often diagnosed during adult psychotherapy.
Reality
20. Multiple personality disorder (MPD, now renamed dissociative identity disor-
der, DID) is a fad diagnosis. If MPD exists naturally at all (which is doubtful),
it is exceedingly rare. People usually come to believe they harbor internal
“alters” only after entering therapy or reading a book or seeing a movie.
426 Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities
Myth
21. Your eating disorder most probably stems from repressed memories of sexual
abuse.
Reality
21. Careful studies have shown that there is no significant correlation between eat-
ing disorders and a history of sexual abuse. The percentage of those with eating
disorders who were sexually abused is about the same as in the normal
population.
Myth
22. Your panic attacks are probably flashbacks to repressed memories.
Reality
22. About 35% of the American public have panic attacks at some time in their
lives. Panic attacks are extremely frightening. If you have one, you may fear
that you are having a heart attack. You may feel dizzy, experience a choking
sensation, and feel disconnected from reality. Cognitive and behavioral therapy
approaches can help you with panic attacks, which stem from current life stress,
not from past trauma. Panic attacks are neither life-threatening nor dangerous.
They are treatable.
Myth
23. Hypnosis is a good and accurate method of recovering memories from your
subconscious.
Reality
23. Hypnosis is defined as being a state of “enhanced suggestibility.” Hypnosis
may be useful for suggesting someone into a desired frame of mind; i.e., some
people have used it to for help in smoking cessation. But hypnosis should never
be used to retrieve memories. Research indicates that memories retrieved under
hypnosis (or guided imagery or sodium Amytal) are likely to be confabula-
tions—a mixture of truth and fantasy—based on the expectations of the hypno-
tist and subject.
Myth
24. Therapists must treat your “narrative truth” without consideration or investiga-
tion of historical truth. Therapists are not detectives.
Reality
24. It is important for therapists to listen to clients and to distinguish narrative from
historical truth—but that does not mean that what actually happened is unim-
portant. Indeed, if clients believe that they have recalled previously “repressed”
memories of sexual abuse, it is very important to the client whether these events
actually took place. By validating these memories, the therapist is already act-
ing as a “detective.” It is the therapist’s obligation to explain that such memo-
ries are questionable at best and must be corroborated by firm external evidence
before they are taken seriously.
Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities 427
Myth
25. Therapists are experts at interpreting (a) dreams, (b) writings, (c) artwork, (d)
bodily pains.
Reality
25. No one knows what dreams really mean, but true experts on dreams know that
they reflect daily concerns. Therefore, it is not surprising that someone obsessed
with an issue might dream about it. Dreams should never be taken literally.
Similarly, just because someone writes a story about an issue or draws a picture
does not mean that the story or artwork reflects reality. Intense self-examination
often leads to vague bodily pains. Therapists who believe that such pains are
“evidence” of so- called “body memories” are practicing pseudoscience.
Myth
26. If you first remember one perpetrator, you probably were abused by multiple
perpetrators and will remember them in time.
Reality
26. Illusory memories of sexual abuse frequently progress from one perpetrator to
multiple perpetrators, from limited incidents to rapes throughout childhood,
from vague intuitions to detailed, horrifying scenarios. True memories of long-
term sexual abuse have always been remembered, even if the memories have
been “parked” away from day-to-day attention.
Myth
27. There is a network of satanic ritual abuse cults around the world involving
many “upstanding” citizens. These cults are usually intergenerational.
Reality
27. There is absolutely no evidence that satanic ritual abuse cults exist at all, at
least as defined in popular culture. In other words, there are no cults in which
babies are bred, sacrificed, and eaten. Isolated psychopaths, such as Charles
Manson or the drug/cult in Matamaros, Mexico, may commit hideous atroci-
ties, but they are not organized ritual abuse cults. Rebellious teenagers may
draw pentagrams and murder stray cats, but they, too, are simply imitating
popular cultural myths.
Myth
28. One-half of all women are likely to be sexually abused before the age of 18.
Reality
28. Statistics about sexual abuse vary, depending on the study methods and the
definition of sexual abuse. Most women experience some form of unwanted
sexual approach in their teenage years, which is horrendous but should not
necessarily be considered sexual abuse. The incidence of sexual intercourse
between fathers and daughters appears to be less than 1% in the general popula-
tion, according to several studies. Incest is indeed awful, but its incidence is far
from the inflated figures often bandied about.
428 Appendix A: Memory Myths and Realities
Myth
29. Trauma in your past, particularly sexual abuse, is so harmful that you will never
fully recover from it.
Reality
29. Humans are resilient. There are thousands of examples of people who succeed
in spite of their handicaps. Although severe trauma of any sort is terrible and
does indeed leave life-long scars, it need not be the sole focus of your life.
Appendix B: Oral History Interviews
A Note on the Interviews
I conducted the interviews that follow throughout the United States, Canada, and
England from 1992 to 1995, in person or by telephone. I found subjects through
numerous means—by contacting organizations such as Survivors of Incest
Anonymous, the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, or the British False Memory
Society, by reading newspapers and watching television, by browsing through yel-
low pages in telephone books, and, quite often, by word-of-mouth, referral, or pure
serendipity. Because the repressed-memory phenomenon has affected so many peo-
ple, it was not difficult to find a cross-section of stories.
I told people that I was writing a book about the repressed memory debate and
that I was conducting interviews with those on all sides of the issue. In every case
except one, I sent the transcript to each interview subject for approval, change, or
amendment. (In the single exception to that rule, the massage therapist specifically
assured me that he did not need to see the interview.) I explained that I would use
fictitious names unless they preferred using their real names, and that the interviews
would be edited, but that they would feature verbatim voices and opinions. Therefore,
unless otherwise noted, pseudonyms have been used throughout these oral history
transcripts, and place names have usually been altered.
To remove my questions from the transcripts, I sometimes had to paraphrase a sen-
tence. For example, I might have asked, “How did you feel about your parents before
your memories came back?” In the printed interview, that becomes, “How did I feel
about my parents before I recovered my memories? Well, I knew I never felt loved …”
Aside from such minor adjustments, all words here were spoken by the subjects. I cut
extraneous background information, using it to write the italicized introductions. Since
most conversations jumped from one idea or time reference to another, I also rear-
ranged portions of the interviews to promote a smooth flow. These are standard journal-
istic techniques pioneered largely by Studs Terkel, whom I considered a mentor.
—Mark Pendergrast
© The Author(s) 2017 429
M. Pendergrast, The Repressed Memory Epidemic,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-63375-6
430 Appendix B: Oral History Interviews
Chapter 1a: The Therapists
We are especially prone to make mistakes when dealing with a domain in which we are
expert. Knowing a lot about the self and a little about the other person is a recipe for a radi-
cal misreading of personality … This means that an expert is not open-minded about him-
self or about other people, and is less open-minded as the information available declines in
quality.
—Jeremy Campbell, The Improbable Machine1
Interviews in this chapter:
Sam Holden, Christian counselor
Peter Jones, British physician/hypnotherapist
Janet Griffin, M.S.W.
Horace Stone, minister/counselor
Leslie Watkins, Ph.D., clinical psychologist
Delia Wadsworth, British consultant psychiatrist
Charlotte Halpern, psychiatrist
Jason Ransom, body worker
Hamish Pitceathly, British primary cause analyst
Katherine Hylander, past-life hypnotherapist
Sally Bixby, psychotherapist
Linda Ross, retractor therapist
I conducted interviews in the early 1990s with therapists, “Survivors” who had
only recently unearthed repressed memories of abuse, accused parents, and retrac-
tors who once believed in repressed memories but had realized that they weren’t
true. In the next four chapters, you will hear, in their own words, what they told me.
If I had met the following therapists at a party and the subject of repressed mem-
ories had never come up, I would have thought most of them were interesting, vital,
caring people. And, in their own ways, they were. Yet all of them, except Sally
Bixby and (now) Linda Ross, were busily helping their clients unearth memories,
most of which I believe were illusory. They repeated the same clichés that we’ve
already encountered, speaking with great assurance about repression, dissociation,
inner children, body memories, and intergenerational abuse. They explained how
they helped their patients overcome the inevitable denial following their returned
memories. They spoke soothingly of safety and healing, while promoting what
appeared to be mental tortures.
The voices represented here were by no means unusual or extreme. I conducted
many more interviews than those you will read here, some far more outrageous.
These therapists were representative of those whose specialty was repressed-
memory extraction. They attended the same continuing-education conferences, read
the same books, consulted with one another, and developed their own pet variations
and theories. The majority of American therapists still believe in the reality of
repressed memories, as several surveys have demonstrated. A sizeable minority—
1 Campbell, Improbable Machine, p. 254.