When we were on fire : a memoir of consuming faith, tangled love, and starting over

224 Pages·2013·1.08 MB·English

by  Zierman

Praise for
When We Were on Fire
“Fire provides light and warmth, or it can bring pain and destruction.
Addie tells us a story in which her fiery faith sparked both outcomes and
how she’s worked to contain those flames. She walks the reader through
this process with such grace, humor, and utter transparency that I
couldn’t help but see my own faith journey in hers. A refreshing, hopeful
book from an expert storyteller.”
—JASON BOYETT, author of O Me of Little Faith
“Addie Zierman’s unflinching candor and tender vulnerability make
When We Were on Fire a must-read memoir. I ached for the wholesome,
eager young girl seeking to serve God with all her heart, and wept for
her—for all of us—who have experienced that particular keening
heartbreak of being consumed by zeal. Addie walks through fire and still
comes through shining with hope.”
—ELIZABETH ESTHER, author of Girl at the End of the World
“Addie Zierman is a poet with a lion’s heart. When We Were on Fire is a
memoir of such sophisticated and witty grace, it reads as the laughing
prayer of a vagabond saint. Zierman’s words take root in you, grow
slowly, and push outward into a ring of endless light. Would that in my
own days of fire, youth groups, and See You at the Pole rallies, I had
been given this book with the single word: ‘Hope.’ ”
—PRESTON YANCEY, author of SeePrestonBlog.com
“Addie speaks for an evangelical generation who came of age in the
American teen ghetto of youth group short-term mission trips and
longings for revival, contemporary Christian music, and WWJD. Her
journey through the disillusionments and then her rebellion against the
false boundary-markers and empty language of an “on fire” faith
culminate in her ongoing journey of hope and redemption. There is a
wise sadness to her words, a depth that disarms. Addie is a beautiful
writer, but she’s also bold and honest as she tends the wounds of
consumer evangelicalism on her old self, and then bravely gathers up all
these disparate pieces of the painful and lovely obsessive faith of her
past with new grace and gentle strength to move forward.”
—SARAH BESSEY, author of Jesus Feminist
“For all of us who found our way while steeped in evangelical culture,
Addie has written us a love letter. Hilarious and heartfelt, passionate and
poetic, her take on growing up evangelical reveals a classic coming-of-
age story with an evangelical twist. Through clean and messy faith,
confusion, love lost and gained, she reflects deeply on each experience
with enough humility and humor to keep you turning pages through this
easy and beautiful read. You will love When We Were on Fire from
beginning to end, as did I.”
—GRACE BISKIE, author of Converge Bible Studies: Kingdom
Building, contributing author of Talking Taboo:
American Christian Women Get Frank About Faith, and
writer for DeeperStory.com and Prodigal & Prism
magazine
“Reading When We Were on Fire was like reading my own story. It’s an
insightful, unflinching look at growing up evangelical. Addie recounts
her misplaced zeal and resulting crisis of faith with humor and
poignancy … ultimately discovering that a relationship with God is less
about following Christian culture norms and more about following Him.”
—KRISTEN HOWERTON, blogger at Rage Against the
Minivan, and psychology professor at Vanguard
University
“It’s rare that a storyteller comes along with the ability to address
important issues of life and faith with strength and profound openness.
Addie Zierman is that kind of storyteller, and she does just that with her
debut book When We Were on Fire. With a keen grasp on the intricacies
and absurdities of Christian subculture, Addie bravely tells her story of a
real, honest, and vulnerable faith that will resonate with readers of all
ages. When We Were on Fire is a true pleasure to read.”
—NISH WEISETH, author of Speak: How Your Story Can
Change the World, and editor-in-chief at
DeeperStory.com
“Addie Zierman is a master storyteller whose sharp wit is matched only
by her disarming sincerity. When We Were on Fire introduces her as one
of this generation’s most promising new voices. Prepare to laugh out
loud and nod along as this book delights, challenges, tickles, and
inspires. For those of us working to reconcile the faith of our youth with
the faith of our adulthood, it’s such a joy to have a friend like Addie
along for the journey.”
—RACHEL HELD EVANS, author of Evolving in Monkey Town
and A Year of Biblical Womanhood
“The best kind of memoir is so deeply personal that it tells a universal
story. In Addie’s memoir you will find funny, messy, cringe-worthy, and
beautiful moments that cut close to home—those experiences that we
would like to relegate to youth but in truth lurk not far beneath the
surface of every phase of life. If you are weary of sanitized and
teetotaling stories, and are hungry for honest and redemptive stories,
then this is your story.”
—ADAM S. MCHUGH, author of Introverts in the Church

WHEN WE WERE ON FIRE
PUBLISHED BY CONVERGENT BOOKS
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights
reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.
Details in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of the persons
involved.
Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-60142-545-4
eBook ISBN: 978-1-60142-546-1
Copyright © 2013 by Addie Zierman
Two small portions of this book were originally published in Relief journal and in Defunct
magazine.
Cover design by Kristopher K. Orr
Published in association with the literary agency of Janet Kobobel Grant, Books & Such, 52
Mission Circle, Suite 122, PMB 170, Santa Rosa, CA 95409. www.booksandsuch.biz.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information
storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group,
a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.
CONVERGENT BOOKS and its open book colophon are trademarks of Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Zierman, Addie.
When we were on fire : a memoir of obsessive faith / Addie Zierman.—First Edition.
pages cm
ISBN 978-1-60142-545-4—ISBN 978-1-60142-546-1 (electronic)
1. Zierman, Addie. 2. Christian biography—United States. I. Title.
BR1725.Z54A3 2013
277.3′083092—dc23
[B]
2013022552
v3.1
For Kim and Alissa,
who were there for the whole wild thing
and
For Andrew,
whose love makes me strong
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Prologue
Part One: Obsession
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Part Two: Disillusion
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Part Three: Rebellion
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Part Four: Redemption
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Epilogue
Author’s Note
Discussion Questions
A Conversation with the Author
Acknowledgments