Table Of ContentTable of Contents
Praise
Also by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC
Title Page
Dedication
Introduction
Chapter 1. - Mothering
Mother as the tree of life
Mommy is what we are made of
Who can mother?
The good-enough mother
Good Mother messages
What happens when Good Mother messages are absent?
What does it mean to be undermothered?
Chapter 2. - The Many Faces of the Good Mother
Mother as Source
Mother as Place of Attachment
Mother as First Responder
Mother as Modulator
Mother as Nurturer
Mother as Mirror
Mother as Cheerleader
Mother as Mentor
Mother as Protector
Mother as Home Base
Chapter 3. - Attachment: Our First Foundation
How do we become attached, and what is secure attachment?
Why is attachment so important?
How can I know if I was securely attached to my mother?
What if I wasn’t securely attached? How would that look?
What is attachment-related trauma?
Maybe I wasn’t securely attached to my mother, but is it really fair to hold
...
Can I still develop secure attachments if I’ve only partially done so in the ...
Identifying attachment figures
What is my attachment style?
Can I have more than one style?
Does my relationship with my mother really affect later relationships?
How difficult is it to change attachment patterns?
Chapter 4. - More Building Blocks
Feeling safe and secure
A happy home
When things go wrong, they can be fixed!
A sense of belonging
The budding self
A place to grow
Support for being a child
Touch
Love is the medium, love is the message
Chapter 5. - Mommy, Where Were You?
The hole where Mother was supposed to be
The need for Mother’s physical presence
What happens when Mother is not emotionally present?
Mutual standoff
Thirty possible reasons Mother wasn’t there
How a child interprets Mommy’s absence
When Mother is the only one there
Original Loss
Chapter 6. - Voices of the Under mothered
Who was that masked woman?
Slim pickin’s from Mom
Lack of mentoring
Missed connections
The mechanical mom
Is anyone watching? Does anyone care?
Clueless
No place to go for help
Feeling like a motherless child
No mother, no self
No anchor
Common challenges of the undermothered
What helps
Chapter 7. - Healing Mother Wounds
The cover-up
Discovering the wound
Reframing “defects” as deficits
Working through your feelings
Journaling
The healing power of anger
Leaving the past
Chapter 8. - Psychotherapy: Mother Issues and Mothering Needs
Parallels with the Good Mother
Special considerations in attachment-oriented work
Touch in therapy
Re-mothering
From isolation to secure attachment
Therapist as “Teaching Mommy”
Chapter 9. - Connecting with Good Mother Energy
Opening to the Good Mother
Archetypes
Working with imagery and symbols
Help from the Divine Mother
Taking on the “good” of the Good Mother
A second chance at finding a Good Mother
Meeting mothering needs with partners
Your portable Good Mother
Chapter 10. - Inner Child Work
An introduction to inner child work
The child as mother to the self
“Parts work”
Becoming your own best mother
Creating a safe place for the child
Time together
Working with Good Mother messages
Healing the unloved child
Changing your mind
Chapter 11. - More Healing Steps and Practical Strategies
Identifying specific “holes”
Taking a proactive approach
The hole of support
Getting support now
A sense of confidence
Navigating the world of emotions
A place in the web
Showing up and being seen
Embracing your needs
Practicing good self-care
Cultivating a capacity for intimacy
Protecting what is precious
Finding your power
Stepping out of deprivation consciousness
General tonics
Chapter 12. - Changing the Story
Your mother’s story
Your story
The dance between you
How do I not pass this along to my children?
What about Mother?
Holding your process/holding your self
Does healing ever end?
Appendix - Be Kind to Yourself: Practicing Good Self-Care During Times of ...
Notes
Resources
Acknowledgements
Index
About the Author
Copyright Page
Praise for The Emotionally Absent Mother
“With compassion and sparkling clarity, Jasmin Lee Cori describes the effects of being
undermothered and what it takes to overcome them. Her book will be of great value to new mothers
serious about creating a loving environment for their children, adult sons and daughters who want at
long last to fill the holes in their hearts, and clinicians interested in understanding and healing the
mother wound.”
—EVELY N BASSOFF, PHD, psychotherapist, author of Mothers
and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go
“This book is a revelation to those of us whose mothering was short of what we needed. The author
sensitively and authoritatively weaves developmental principles into a compassionate understanding
of what it means to be undermothered.”
—CONNIE DAWSON, PHD, coauthor of Growing Up Again: Parenting
Ourselves, Parenting Our Children
“Jasmin Lee Cori has done a superb job of describing the importance of childhood attachment needs
and the psychological wounds that get inflicted when an emotionally absent mother cannot meet
those needs well enough. She has skillfully laid out clear steps wounded adults can take to identify
their inner strengths and heal attachment wounds. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for anyone
who wishes to understand and heal the wounds that can arise when parented by an emotionally absent
mother.”
—SHIRLEY JEAN SCHMIDT, MA, LPC, author of The Developmental
Needs Meeting Strategy: An Ego State Therapy for Healing
Adults with Childhood Trauma and Attachment Wounds
BECAUSE EVERY BOOK IS A TEST OF NEW IDEAS
“With a compassionate and steady voice, Jasmin Lee Cori guides the reader through the difficult
terrain faced by adults who have grown up without sufficient emotional mothering. Relying on
personal experience and practice as a psychotherapist, she provides insight and tools to help readers
overcome the challenges of a painful childhood and to move into the pleasures of living adult life
fully.”
—KATHRYN BLACK, MA, psychotherapist, author of Mothering
Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within
“This book effortlessly intertwines neuroscience with clinical acumen in a lovely work of
extraordinary depth. In her compelling, heartrending analysis of the importance of motherhood,
Jasmin Lee Cori has created a work as significant as Alice Miller’s Prisoners of Childhood. Easily
accessible and very useful, it is a must-read for parents-to-be, those in the helping professions, and
adults who have been wounded by a negligent parent.”
—KATE CROWLEY, OTD, OTR/L, Adjunct Faculty, University
of Southern California, Specialist in Infant Mental Health
