Straight Talk from Claudia Black: What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol

145 Pages·2003·0.47 MB·English

by  Claudia Black

Straight Talk from
Claudia Black:
What Recovering Parents
Should Tell Their Kids
about Drugs and Alcohol
Claudia Black, Ph.D.
HAZELDEN®
Straight Talk
from Claudia Black
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Straight Talk
from Claudia Black
What Recovering Parents Should Tell
Their Kids about Drugs and Alcohol
Claudia Black,Ph.D.
HAZELDEN®
Hazelden
Center City,Minnesota 55012-0176
1-800-328-0094
1-651-213-4590 (Fax)
www.hazelden.org
©2003 by Claudia Black
All rights reserved.Published 2003
Printed in the United States of America
No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the
written permission of the publisher
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Black,Claudia.
Straight talk from Claudia Black :what recovering parents should tell their
kids about drugs and alcohol / Claudia Black.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 1-59285-041-3 (paperback)
1.Drug abuse. 2.Alcoholism. 3.Parents—Drug use. 4.Parents—Alcohol
use. 5.Alcoholics—Family relationships. I.Title.
HV5801.B549 2003
362.29—dc21
2003050831
07 06 05 04 03 6 5 4 3 2 1
Cover design by David Spohn
Interior design by Rachel Holscher
Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services,Inc.
To Katie and Sean, my niece and nephew,
two very special young people in my life.
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Contents
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction 1
Chapter 1
Straight Talk about Addiction and Recovery 7
What Do You Say to Your Children?
Motivation and Expectations
Time to Act
Chapter 2
Breaking the Chain of Addiction 17
Addiction Facts
Characteristics of Addiction
Denial
Preoccupation
Loss of Control
Change in Tolerance
Withdrawal
Differences in Usage
Brain Chemistry
Kids and the Disease Concept
Chapter 3
Generational Vulnerability 33
Family Tree
Genetic Influences:The Facts
Environmental Influences:What’s in the Psychology?
vii
viii C
Chapter 4
Clarifying the Confusion 43
Claiming Multiple Addictions
Abstinence
Slippery Places
Relapse
Blackouts
Recovery Practices
Chapter 5
Early Recovery and Making Amends 59
Healing the Pain
A Child’s Many Feelings
Guilt and Shame
Amends
Self-forgiveness
Chapter 6
New Ways of Relating 71
Reconnection:Offering Validation
Tips for Listening to Your Child
Reconnection:Being There
Addressing the Wreckage of the Past
More Guidelines for Addressing the Past
Speaking Beyond the Family
Chapter 7
Creating Healthy Family Traditions 83
Risk Factors
Protective Factors
A Word of Caution
A Functioning Family
Affection,Support,and Affirmation
Communication
Maintaining a Positive Family Identity
Problem Solving
Providing Physical Safety
Reshaping Family Roles
The Responsible Child,the Hero
C ix
The Acting-out Child,the Rebel or Scapegoat
The Adjusting Child,the Invisible One
The Clown,the Mischief Maker
The Placator,the Caretaker
Deepening and Mending Relationships
Family Time
Individual Time
Family Meetings
Chapter 8
Never Underestimate Your Power as a Parent 107
Messages to Children about Use of Alcohol and Drugs
Preschoolers
Children Ages 5–8
Children Ages 9–11
Children Ages 12–14
Children Ages 15–17
Choices and Consequences
Adult Children
Enabling
Tough Love
Appendix:Tracing Addictions on a Family Tree 125
Notes 127
About the Author 131