How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written

246 Pages·2012·2.55 MB·English

by  Sterling Archer

DEDICATION
for Shedley

CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Foreword
Preface
Introduction
Section One: How to Spy
General Tradecraft
Unarmed Combat
Weaponry
Gadgets
Stellar Navigation
Tactical Driving
Other Vehicles
Poison
Casinos
Surveillance
Interrogation
Interrogation Resistance
Escape and Evasion
Wilderness Survival
COBRAS
Section Two: How to Drink
Cocktail Recipes
Section Three: How to Style
Valets
Clothes
Shoes
Personal Grooming
Physical Fitness
Section Four: How to Dine
Dining Out
Dining In
Recipes
Section Five: How to Women
Amateurs
For the Ladies
Professionals
The Archer Sutra
Section Six: How to Pay for It
Personal Finance
Appendix A: Maps
Appendix B: First Aid
Appendix C: Archer’s World Factbook
Afterword
Selected Bibliography
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
FOREWORD
When HarperCollins first approached me to write the foreword to Sterling’s
little book, I must admit that I was more than a bit taken aback. Not quite aghast,
but definitely shocked, For one thing, Sterling has never been much of a reader.
In fact, to the best of my knowledge, the only things he ever read growing up
were pornographic comic books (we used to call them “Tijuana bibles,” but I’m
sure that’s no longer considered polite, what with all these immigrants driving
around everywhere in their lowriders, listening to raps and shooting all the jobs).
So the thought of Sterling writing an actual book? With words? Yes, I was
definitely shocked.
I was also surprised to learn that HarperCollins wanted a “how-to” book for
spies and didn’t ask me to write it. Needless to say, I have far more experience in
all areas of espionage than Sterling will ever have. I also think I could have
brought a great deal of profound wisdom and unique insight to such a book, due
to my being not only a single mother, but also—and more importantly—an
incredibly successful woman in a field almost entirely dominated by men. It
probably would have been an inspiration to little girls and young women all over
the world.
Instead, I just assume you’ll be getting crudely drawn maps to every
whorehouse on the planet, accompanied by a step-by-step guide about how to rid
oneself of pubic lice. Which is all just as well, as far as I’m concerned: I am
currently penning my memoirs—Secrets and Silk: The Malory Archer Story—
and don’t wish to water down the brand.
New York, New York